Movies and televisions should always show the audience that good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Movies and televisions should always show the audience that good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.

  • DK
    University: The University of Tokyo
    Nationality: japanese
    July 1, 2020 at 12:28 pm

    Movies and televisions should always show the audience that good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.

    Films and television programs are accessible for people to get to know modern society. In fact, according to research, most people spend more time watching movies and tv than reading books. Watching television or films is the first choice for people to relax after work or school.    Undeniably, the media with such a tremendous impact should be responsible for influencing people in a certain way. It should serve as a mirror to the real society to reflect the social phenomenon objectively and comprehensively. In the real world, sometimes, bad guys are not brought to justice, and virtuous people rewarded for behaving righteously. Therefore, films and televisions should represent this image correspondingly.

    If entertaining programs only show the untrue image of bringing about justice, people will suffer when they step into society. Being attracted by authentic pictures and thrilling plot, the audience tends to experience the same evens and share the same feelings with the character. But sometimes, people may lose the balance that they cannot tell the difference, believing scenes in programs. For instance, my cousin indulges in watching cartoons and comedies all day. This crazy obsession leads him to believe that all people are kind and innocent. So, when he stepped out of the home, he was easily bullied by his colleagues and deceived by phone scrams, resulting in loss of money.

    The importance of showing justice should not be ignored, so it is necessary to present the plot of punishing bad guys in teenage programs because young people without a stable value system should be instilled with righteous moral values.

    July 1, 2020 at 3:50 pm

    Score: 59.3

    Issues:

    1. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    2. Essay is poorly structured.  Preparation for thesis is wordy.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    DK
    University: The University of Tokyo
    Nationality: japanese
    July 4, 2020 at 1:53 pm

    With the development of the entertainment industry, films and televisions have become an inalienable part of daily life. However, there is a popular debate about whether it is necessary to bring justice to entertainment programs. From my personal view, movies and televisions should not always show the image of bringing justice.

    Showing people the image of rewarding good people and punishing bad people cannot let them know the real society. Entertainment programs are deeply related to our daily lives: people go to the cinema to watch movies on the weekend, and families gather together to watch tv shows in each other’s company. Obviously, the media with such a tremendous impact should be responsible for influencing people in a certain way. Thus, they should serve as a mirror to the real society to reflect the social phenomenon objectively and comprehensively. In the real world, bad guys are not brought to justice all the time, and virtuous people are not always rewarded for behaving righteously. Like many wanted criminals are still at large as real cops are not always the ‘superhero.’ Similar injustice and harsh situations are happening around us all the time. Serving as media to transmit information, films and televisions should present the truth correspondingly.

    If entertainment programs only show the false image of punishing evils and upholding the good, people will feel disappointed and even suffer when they step into society. Being attracted by authentic pictures and thrilling plot, the audience tends to experience the same and share the same feelings with the character. But sometimes, people may immerse too much that they cannot tell the difference between illusion and reality. For instance, my cousin indulges in watching cartoons and comedies all day. This crazy obsession leads him to believe that all people are kind and innocent. So, when he stepped out of the home, he was so gullible that colleagues bullied him, and got tricked by phone scams, resulting in loss of money.

    People should not ignore the importance of showing justice, so it is necessary to present the plot of punishing bad guys in teenage programs because young people without a stable value system should be instilled with righteous moral values.

    July 6, 2020 at 2:40 am

    Score: 53.8

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Many sentences are logically disconnected.
    4. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    DK
    University: The University of Tokyo
    Nationality: japanese
    July 6, 2020 at 1:20 pm

    Films and televisions have become an unalienable part of daily life. Theatres are replete with people on the weekend. And the first thing most people do after work is to lay on the couch and then turn on the television. Yet, there is a popular debate about whether to present justice in entertainment programs. From my personal view, movies and televisions should not aim to facilitate justice.

    Untrue justice makes entertainment programs fail to present authentic social pictures. Entertaining programs hold a place in daily lives, such as at the time of watching tv with families. Due to such tremendous impact, they should be responsible for influencing people. The way to influence people positively is to spread the truth. These programs should serve as a mirror to society to reflect the social phenomenon objectively and comprehensively. In the real world, for instance, many wanted criminals are still at large. This is a cruel fact that needs for a presentation on the screen to the audience.

    If the screen only shows a falsehood of justice, people will suffer when they step into society. With authentic pictures and thrilling plot, people may immerse too much in stories. Thus, they may not tell the difference between illusion and reality. This mistaken impression can lead to false cognition to brutal reality. For instance, my cousin indulges in watching cartoons and comedies all day. This crazy obsession leads him to believe that all people are kind and innocent. So, when he stepped out of the home, his colleagues bullied him. And phone scrams tricked him easily, resulting in the loss of money.

    We should not ignore the importance of showing justice. Presenting justice in teenage programs can instill righteous moral values to young people. This can let them become law-abiding citizens in the future.

    July 7, 2020 at 8:21 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Lots of logical/factual flaws.

    Films and televisions have become an unalienable [inalienable  ] part of [ the ] daily life [for many people  ]. Theatres [Movie theatres, for instance,  ]are replete with people on the weekend [on weekends  ]. And [For many folks,  ]the first thing most people [ they ]do after [ getting hom from ]work is to lay on the couch and then turn on the television. (Yet, there is a popular debate about whether to present justice in entertainment programs. From my personal view, movies and televisions should not aim to facilitate justice.) [ there is no logical connection with the prior part. ]

     

    DK
    University: The University of Tokyo
    Nationality: japanese
    July 12, 2020 at 12:54 pm

    Films and televisions have become an inalienable part of the daily life of many people. Movie theatres, for instance, are replete with people on weekends. Also, for many people, the first thing they do after getting home from work is to lay on the couch and then turn on the television. This interrelation with lives makes people concern about the influence of the content. So there is a popular debate about whether to present justice in programs. In my view, movies and televisions should not aim to facilitate justice due to some reasons.

    First, untrue justice makes entertainment programs fail the duty to present authenticity. The significant impact of their essential role in the daily life and disseminating information as media make programs be responsible for influencing people. The best way to accomplish this purpose is to spread the truth. These programs should serve as a mirror to society, reflecting the social phenomenon objectively. For instance, in the real world, many wanted criminals are still at large. This is a cruel fact that needs a presentation on the screen to the audience.

    Second, if the screen only shows a falsehood of justice, people will suffer when they step into society. In most cases, people may immerse themselves too much in stories. Under this circumstance, they may not tell the difference between idealistic scenes and reality. This mistaken impression can lead to false cognition and ill-advised judgment to brutal reality, resulting in some severe consequences. For instance, my cousin indulged in watching cartoons and comedies all day. This crazy obsession leads him to believe that all people are kind and innocent. As a result, when he left home, his colleagues bullied him, and he was tricked easily by phone scammers, resulting in the loss of money. Obviously, Mistaken presentations mislead him about evil virtues and make him pay the price.

    July 14, 2020 at 2:45 am

    Films and televisions have become an inalienable part of the daily life of many people. Movie theatres, for instance, are replete with people on weekends. Also, for many people, the first thing they do after getting home from work is to lay on the couch and then turn on the television. (This interrelation with lives)[ unclear ] makes people concern about the influence of (the content)[ unclear ]. So there is a popular[wrong word  ] debate about whether to (present justice in programs)[ unclear ]. In my view, movies and televisions should not aim to facilitate justice due to some reasons[summarize reasons in the first paragraph  ].

    First, (untrue justice)[ unclear ] (makes entertainment programs fail the duty to present authenticity)[ conflicting statement ]. The significant impact of their essential role in the daily life and disseminating [ word form error ]information as media (make programs be responsible for influencing people)[awkward  ]. The best way to accomplish (this purpose )[ unclear ]is to spread the truth. These programs should serve as a mirror to society, reflecting the social phenomenon objectively. For instance, in the real world, many wanted criminals are still at large. This is a cruel fact that needs a presentation on the screen to the audience.

    Second, if the screen only shows a falsehood of justice, people will suffer when they step into society. In most cases, people may immerse themselves too much in stories. Under this circumstance, they may not tell the difference between idealistic scenes and reality. This mistaken impression can lead to false cognition and ill-advised judgment to brutal reality, resulting in some severe consequences. For instance, my cousin indulged in watching cartoons and comedies all day. This crazy obsession leads him to believe that all people are kind and innocent. As a result, when he left home, his colleagues bullied him, and he was tricked easily by phone scammers, resulting in the loss of money. Obviously, Mistaken presentations mislead him about evil virtues and make him pay the price.