Nature’s Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainsville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature’s Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and clearly Plainsville is such an area.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing Nature’s Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainsville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature’s Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and clearly Plainsville is such an area.

  • AnnaXue
    University: Xi’an Jiaotong - Liverpool University
    Nationality: Chinese
    March 18, 2021 at 1:48 pm

    Nature’s Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainsville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature’s Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and clearly Plainsville is such an area. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. Finally, Plainsville’s schoolchildren represent a new generation of potential customers: these schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness-for-life program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.

    Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

    In the recommendation of the Vice President of Nature’s Way (NW), he claims that NW should open a store in Plainesiville based on the following four facts: 1. previous record showed that their business of health food and other products related to health are highly prifitable in areas where residents have a strong consciousness of health. 2. Plainesville is such a city since merchants report demonstrated that running shoes and exercise clothing are well-sold. 3. The local heath clubs is more popular than ever. 4. Schoolchildren are now required to take part in exercising programs. Although the recommendation seems cogent at first glance, with close scrutiny, none of the above facts can successfully support the vice president’s recommendation.

    First of all, the Vice President unfairly infers from the previous experience that the current, or even future profit will still be high. Here the Vice President makes an assumption that citizens of Plainsville will continue to consume for health products. Yet, the assumption lacks evidence to justify it. Chances are that in the future, as people’s work get more and more pressing, they will immerse themselves in working, while neglecting the idea of living a healthy life. In this case, the Vice President’s recommendation amounts to poor advice.

    Secondly, the high sales of running shoes and exercise clothing do not necessarily mean that people in Plainesville really like doing sports or attach great importance to a healthy lifestyle. The Vice President overlooks the possibility that the merchant report is not reliable, since touting the high sales is just one method of merchandizing, which takes advantage of people’s conformity behavior; moerover, even if people do purchase these products, they could simply just admire it from the aspects of aesthetics, or comfort. Any of the scenarios, if true, would undermine the recommendation since actually Plainsville could not be an ideal site for the new store.

    Thirdly, the popularity of the local heath club does not necessarily mean people enjoy leading a healthy life as well. No evidence shows that people visit the club indeed visit their out of health. In fact, perhaps it is other activities held by the health club that has been attracting customers, for instance live music shows, game night, and so on; or simply this is the only health club in the city, thus it the only place there people leading a healthy life can gather. Without effective evidence, the Vice President cannot draw the conclusion that a large number of people in Plainsville do pay a lot of attention to health.

    Finally, the implementation of ‘fitness or life’ program rarely indicates that schoolchildren would like to turn to health food or health-related product. Although it is possible that some schoolchildren would like to purchase products from NW in order to eat healthier, there are a lot of alternatives for them, most of which can be free: for example, to walk to school instead of by cars, to do more chores instead of professional exercise.

    In sum, to make a tenable recommendation that suggests Nature’s Way should open a store in Plainesville, the Vice President should do more studies and provide more cogent evidence.

    March 18, 2021 at 8:25 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Lengthy essay. Restrict your essay to 400- words. I am too busy to work on a longer one.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    March 18, 2021 at 8:44 pm

    In the recommendation of [ /by  ] the [article error/ i.e. That has not stopped Karl Haeusgen, chairman of Hawe, a maker of hydraulic pumps, from believing in the long-term success of its German version, Wandel durch Handel. https://www.economist.com/business/2021/01/07/deutschland-ag-continues-to-pour-billions-into-china  ] Vice President of Nature’s Way (NW), he [ unclear pronoun  ]claims that NW should open a store in Plainesiville based on the following four facts: 1. previous record showed[ tense error/inconsistent with ‘are highly profitable’  ] that their[ unclear pronoun  ] business of health food and other products related to health are[ grammatical error  ] highly prifitable[ spelling error  ] in areas where residents have a strong consciousness of health. 2. Plainesville is such a city since (merchants report)[  word form error ] demonstrated[ tense error  ] that running shoes and exercise clothing are well-sold. 3. The[ inconsistency in upper/lower case ‘previous’  ] local heath clubs is more popular than ever. 4. Schoolchildren[ inconsistency in upper/lower case  ] are now required to take part in exercising[ word form error  ] programs. Although the recommendation seems cogent at first glance, with close scrutiny, none of the above[wrong word   ] facts can successfully support the (vice president)[ inconsistency in spelling  ]’s recommendation.

    [ Partial revision: All sentences are problematic.   ]

    March 18, 2021 at 8:58 pm

    On-hold [WeChat added and then removed.]