Nowadays, children spend too much time on technology. Playing outside with friends or playing with simpler toys would be better for the development of a child. Do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Nowadays, children spend too much time on technology. Playing outside with friends or playing with simpler toys would be better for the development of a child. Do you agree or disagree?

  • Bunny
    University: China Agricultural University
    Nationality: China
    July 28, 2020 at 1:37 am

    Nowadays, children spend too much time on technology. Playing outside with friends or playing with simpler toys would be better for the development of a child. Do you agree or disagree?

    Nowadays,with the widespread utilization of the Inetnet,it become commom for people to communicate by smart phones.However, from my perspective,I believe playing outside is better than playing with electronic gadgets.

    Admittedly,our life becomes more and more convenient because of technology.People can talk with each other through phones using applications like WeChat,and it can also save money since the advent of WIFI,which allows people browse and communicate.Secondly,people can learn what they are interested in through the Internet.So that shows technologh offer more possibilities to people to become better.Otherwise,there are many disadvantages of technology.

    That’s because firstly,the persavisiveness of various tech-gadgets such as smart phones and tablets totally reshapes people’s life style,isolating people from each other and making them feel disconnected .For instance,people including both parents and children are often glued in cellphones,seldom talking to each other even overdinner.It is therefore no surprise to find strangers in public places like malls and buses acting indifferently towards each other,not greeting each other with a warm smile.Wrose still,even when someone suddenly has a heart attack or something,people don’t bother to offer help since they are all engrossed in composing a text maeeage or a video clips.

    Secondly,by choosing similar jobs,children can nerture a more intimate relationship with their parents.As tech-savvy particularly smart phones pervade almost every aspect of our life,children and parents are often seen immersed in their phones,spending a text,watching short movies and browsing social media.This addiction to technological products gives them so many distractions that they seldom communicate with each other.However,according to a recent report from Gallup,in familis where parents and children share similar work contents,they usually enjoy a much closer relationship since they both get common topics to discuss and have a deeper under standing of each other,successfully tearing them away from their various gadgets like iPads and cellphones.

    July 28, 2020 at 9:19 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Lots of spelling errors;
    2. Spacing errors, include spaces after commas and periods;
    3. Verb form errors;
    4. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    5. About 45% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Bunny
    University: China Agricultural University
    Nationality: China
    July 30, 2020 at 1:24 am

    Nowadays, with the widespread use of the Internet, it becomes common for people to communicate using smart phone. Many people use cellphone to express their missing. However, from my perspective, I believe playing outside is better than playing with electronic gadgets.

    Admittedly, our life becomes more and more convenient because of technology. People can talk with each other through phones that allows people to browse and communicate. Secondly, people can learn what they are interested in through the Internet, which shows technology offers people more opportunities to become better. However, there are many disadvantages of technology.

    That’s because firstly, the pervasiveness of various tech-gadgets such as smart phones and tablets totally reshapes people’s life style, isolating people from each other and making them feel disconnected. For instance, both parents and children are often glued in cellphones, seldom talking to each other even over dinner. It is not surprising that strangers in public places like malls and buses acting indifferently towards each other, not greeting each other with a warm smile. Worse still, even when someone suddenly has a heart attack, people don’t offer help since they are all engrossed in composing a text message or a video clip. Moreover, the appearance of various tech-gadgets turns friendly people in the past into emotionally detached public.

    What’s more, children can nurture a more intimate relationship with their friends by hanging out with them. As tech-savvy pervade almost every aspect of our life, children are often immersed in their phones, spending a text, watching short movies and browsing social media. As a result, they seldom communicate with each other.  However, when they step into the society, interpersonal communication will be an important ability for them. Therefore, playing with others is good for children to establish their social connections and have great insights into the future.

    In summary, even though technology has many merits, it is better for children playing with each other.

    July 30, 2020 at 3:51 pm

    Score: 53.8

    Issues:

    1. Smartphone is one word;
    2. Word choice errors;
    3. Article errors;
    4. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    5. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    6. Limit each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Bunny
    University: China Agricultural University
    Nationality: China
    July 31, 2020 at 12:41 am

    Nowadays, with the widespread use of the Internet, it becomes common for people to communicate using smartphone. Many people use cellphones to express their missing, and also it is definitely a good choice for people. However, from my perspective, I believe playing outside is better than playing with electronic gadgets.

    Admittedly, our life becomes more and more convenient because of technology. People can talk with each other through phones that allow people to browse and communicate. Secondly, people can learn what they are interested in through the Internet, which shows technology offers people more opportunities to become better. However, there are many disadvantages of technology.

    To begin with, the pervasiveness of various tech-gadgets such as smartphones and tablets reshapes people’s lifestyle, isolating people from each other,  and making them feel disconnected. For instance, both parents and children are often glued to cellphones, seldom talking to each other even over dinner. It is not surprising that strangers in public places like malls and buses acting indifferently towards each other, not greeting each other with a warm smile. Worse still, even when someone suddenly has a heart attack, people don’t offer help since they are all engrossed in composing a text message or a video clip. Moreover, the appearance of various tech-gadgets turns friendly people in the past into emotionally detached public.

    What’s more, children can nurture a more intimate relationship with their friends by hanging out with them. As tech-savvy invade almost every aspect of our life, children are often immersed in their phones, spending a text, watching short movies and browsing social media. As a result, they seldom communicate with each other.  However, when they , interpersonal communication will be an important ability for them. Therefore, playing with others is good for children to establish their social connections and have great insights into the future.

    In summary, even though technology has many merits, it is better for children playing with each other.

    July 31, 2020 at 2:22 am

    Feedback: the prompt relates to children rather than People in general, so make necessary changes to make your essay focus on CHILDREN.

    Bunny
    University: China Agricultural University
    Nationality: China
    July 31, 2020 at 5:57 am

    Nowadays, with the widespread use of the Internet, it becomes common for people to communicate using smartphone. Many children take online classes through computer or cellphone, and also it is definitely a good choice for people. However, from my perspective, I believe playing outside is better than playing with electronic gadgets.

    Admittedly, our life becomes more and more convenient because of technology. Children can talk with each other through phones that allow them to browse and communicate. Secondly, children can learn what they are interested in through the Internet, which shows technology offers children more opportunities to become better. However, there are many disadvantages of technology.

    To begin with, the pervasiveness of various tech-gadgets such as smartphones and tablets reshapes children’s lifestyle, isolating people from each other, and making them feel disconnected. For instance, both parents and children are often glued to cellphones, seldom talking to each other even over dinner. It is not surprising that strangers in public places like malls and buses acting indifferently towards each other, not greeting each other with a warm smile. Worse still, even when someone suddenly has a heart attack, children don’t offer help since they are all engrossed in composing a text message or a video clip. Moreover, the appearance of various tech-gadgets turns friendly children in the past into emotionally detached public.

    What’s more, children can nurture a more intimate relationship with their friends by hanging out with them. As tech-savvy invade almost every aspect of our life, children are often immersed in their phones, spending a text, watching short movies and browsing social media. As a result, they seldom communicate with each other.  However, when they , interpersonal communication will be an important ability for them. Therefore, playing with others is good for children to establish their social connections and have great insights into the future.

    In summary, even though technology has many merits, it is better for children playing with each other.

    July 31, 2020 at 3:58 pm

    Score: 53.1

    Nowadays, with[Thanks/Due to  ] the[ article error ] widespread[ wrong word ] use of the Internet, it becomes common for [ many ]people[kids  ] to communicate using smartphone[ use smartphones to study or play games at home ]. Many children take online classes through computer or cellphone, and also it is definitely a good choice for people. [ Despite various benefits that technology has rendered, ]However, from my perspective, I believe playing outside is better than playing with electronic gadgets[ would help children to socialize and xxx ].

    *You need to write the essay to echo the prompt directly. 

    Admittedly, our life becomes more and more convenient because of technology. Children can talk with each other through phones that allow them to browse and communicate. Secondly, children can learn what they are interested in through the Internet, which shows technology offers children more opportunities to become better. However, there are many disadvantages of technology.

    To begin with, the pervasiveness of various tech-gadgets such as smartphones and tablets reshapes children’s lifestyle, isolating people from each other, and making them feel disconnected. For instance, both parents and children are often glued to cellphones, seldom talking to each other even over dinner. It is not surprising that strangers in public places like malls and buses acting indifferently towards each other, not greeting each other with a warm smile. Worse still, even when someone suddenly has a heart attack, children don’t offer help since they are all engrossed in composing a text message or a video clip. Moreover, the appearance of various tech-gadgets turns friendly children in the past into emotionally detached public.

    What’s more, children can nurture a more intimate relationship with their friends by hanging out with them. As tech-savvy invade almost every aspect of our life, children are often immersed in their phones, spending a text, watching short movies and browsing social media. As a result, they seldom communicate with each other.  However, when they , interpersonal communication will be an important ability for them. Therefore, playing with others is good for children to establish their social connections and have great insights into the future.

    In summary, even though technology has many merits, it is better for children playing with each other.

    July 31, 2020 at 4:11 pm

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