Nowadays it is important for people to have regular family meals together.

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  • writingmakesmehappy
    University: SJTU
    Nationality: china
    February 13, 2021 at 4:52 am

    Nowadays it is important for people to have regular family meals together.

    Meals has been valued and even triggers a heated discussion over whether it is important to have family meals together regularly. Eating at home, in some people’s views, is not essential at all. Contrary to these people’s opinions is my perspective that it is rather important, due to the contributions to their health and interpersonal relationship.

    What must be prioritized is that having meals with family, instead of eating in a restaurant, is beneficial to health, including physical health and mental health. To begin with, it cannot be ignored that eating at home enables us to be physically healthier. In detail, at home, people can have fresh vegetable which is bought at once, well-washed food, thus do good to our body; on the other hand, one cannot have such fresh, cleaned and nutrient food outside. Moreover, it is dining at home that enhanced our mental health. Specially, when dining at home, people may recall with the family the happy experiences such as traveling together or the wedding, which benefits one’s mental health. Will those who eat in a restaurant lonely recall such happy memories?

    What should be equally worth discussing is that eating with family, rather than eating solely, can build a more solid relationship, by exchanging information and offering help to other family members. Initially, it is eating with the family that makes it easier for people to chat. To be more specific, when dining at home, members are more likely to exchange massage including children’s academic performance at school and the promotion at the company, to get closer to each other; however, such information cannot be received if one has meals lonely. Additionally, people have the chance to solve other’s difficulties when they have meals together. In detail, members can discuss a specific trouble one member faced recently, and give several reasonable methods. They can choose the most feasible one to solve the problem; while one finds it difficult to seek help from others when he eats outside alone.

    To conclude, only by having meals with family, instead of eating alone, can people reap numerous benefits.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 16, 2021 at 11:13 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Extensive use of adverbs (inappropriate use of adverbs often makes sentences unclear);

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.