Some people think that older children should be required to take care of the younger children. Others think that this should be done by parents or other adults.

Report from WritersForMe.com

SCORE

74.6 (Excellent!)

PROBLEMS

• Occasional grammatical errors;
• Some sentences exceed 20 words;
• Excessive use of passive-voice sentences (reduce to less than 5%);

GOOD POINTS

1. Readability (easiness to read): good!
2. Sentence flow: Great!
3. Paragraph Length: Great!
4. Transition Words:  Great

Please rewrite and re-upload your essay.

Because of the specific policy and improved financial condition, the number of family (X) which fosters(X) multiple children is increasing. So a discussion has been put up: whether the older child or the parents should be responsible for taking care of the younger child? I think the older ones should be required to do so.

To begin with, making looking after the younger child mandatory will surely serve as a way to cultivate the responsibility of the older child. In this process, the older children will learn to understand and care for others. In addition, nursing the babies will also makes (X) them more patient and kind. They will experience the character of being a parent, and they can understand how hard their parents were when fostering them. Therefore, taking care of their younger sister or brother will always reminds (X) them to pay attention to other’s need and share the burden of their parents.

On the other hand, children have a closer relationship. It will be easier for them to understand and help each other. In adolescence，we all have some secrets which we do not want to share with our parents. We would prefer (X)go to ask our older sister or brother for help. No matter when we quarrel with our best friend or confused about dealing with a relationship. We are contemporaries, so we have common sense and interests. Required the older one to look after the younger child can offer a better and healthier way for the younger child to grow up.

Admittedly, the adults are more experienced and careful, but they are also very busy. They may not have as much time to company a little child as the other child. While for a little child, time and love is (X)so important.

According to all the reasons I pointed out above, asking the older children to care for the younger children will never be a bad idea.

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After removing partial grammatical errors ( There are more grammatical, logical and factual problems)

Because of the specific policy and improved financial condition, the number of families which fosters multiple children is increasing. So a discussion has been put up: whether the older child or the parents should be responsible for taking care of the younger child? I think the older ones should be required to do so.

To begin with, making looking after the younger child mandatory will surely serve as a way to cultivate the responsibility of the older child. In this process, the older children will learn to understand and care for others. In addition, nursing the babies will also make them more patient and kind. They will experience the character of being a parent, and they can understand how hard their parents were when fostering them. Therefore, taking care of their younger sister or brother will always remind them to pay attention to other’s need and share the burden of their parents.

On the other hand, children have a closer relationship. It will be easier for them to understand and help each other. In adolescence，we all have some secrets which we do not want to share with our parents. We would prefer to go to ask our older sister or brother for help. No matter when we quarrel with our best friend or confused about dealing with a relationship. We are contemporaries, so we have common sense and interests. Required the older one to look after the younger child can offer a better and healthier way for the younger child to grow up.

Admittedly, the adults are more experienced and careful, but they are also very busy. They may not have as much time to company a little child as the other child. While for a little child, time and love are so important.

According to all the reasons I pointed out above, asking the older children to care for the younger children will never be a bad idea.

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Score: 72.1

Suggestions for Improvement

• Further reduce the number of passive-voice sentences;
• Shorten all sentences into 20 words;
• Resolve conventions problem (keep spacing between sentences)
• Improve accuracy and writing effectiveness

I.E. Because of the specific policy and improved financial condition, the number of families which fosters multiple children is increasing. – Due/Consequent to favourable birth policies and improved financial conditions, more Chinese families tend to raise multiple children.

Rewrite and resubmit your essay.

Score: 68.2.

Suggestions for Improvement

• Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
• For many sentences, the subject fails to echo the subject, or the object, of the prior sentence.

Problems Highlight 

Because of the specific policy and improved financial condition, more families decide to raise multiple children. Therefore, [1]educators wonder whether older children or parents should be responsible for taking care of the younger children? [Lengthy; grammatical error]I think the older ones[2) should be required to do so.

1. The subject ‘educators’ fails to echo the subject, or the object, of the prior sentence, which affects the logical flow of ideas. 
2. Use a concrete word to replace the vague word  ‘ones.’

To begin with, making looking after the younger children mandatory will serve as a way to cultivate the responsibility of the older children. [Verbose, hard-to-read sentence] They will have to comfort the younger ones when they cry and protect the little children when going home. [Confusing pronouns]In this process, the older children will learn to understand others. In addition, nursing the babies such as singing them to sleep or changing clothes for them will help the older children experience the role of being a parent. [Verbose, hard-to-read sentence]Since babies are usually annoying and unreasonable, it [What is IT? Be specific]will make them more patient. Therefore, taking care of their younger sister or brother will always [Absolute Expression]remind them to pay attention to other’s need and share the burden of their parents.[Verbose, hard-to-read sentence]

On the other hand, asking the older ones to look after the younger children can offer a better and healthier way for younger children to grow up. Children are contemporaries, they often share a closer relationship. It will be easier for them to understand and help each other. In adolescence，we all have secrets that we do not want to share with our parents. We would prefer [Inconfident Expression]going to ask our older sister or brother for help. No matter when we quarrel with our best friend or feel confused about dealing with a relationship.

Admittedly, the adults are more experienced and careful, but they are also very busy. They may not have as much time to company a little child as the other child. While for a little child, time and love are very important[Vague Expression].

According to all the reasons I pointed out above, asking the older children to care for the younger children will never be a bad idea.

[There are more issues than the highlighted ones. Rewrite your essay.]

Score: 69.5

Suggestions for Improvement:

1. Many sentences flow unnaturally, which to some degree relate to your insufficient reading of high-quality literary works and your limited speaking capabilities.

I will get back to you shortly.

As the policy now allows couples to have more than one baby, children nowadays usually have siblings. Considering how busy adults are, should older children look after their younger siblings has been under the limelight of public attention. In my view, I consider older children ought to help their parents to take care of the younger children.

First, it is much easier for children and their siblings to communicate as there are no generation gaps between them. Their parents, as adults, probably will have difficulty understanding the needs and interests of children. For example, they may not comprehend why children like to watch comics strips and cartoons. And they cannot understand why a girl likes a character in books or movies so much just because of appearance and voice. Instead of judging upon those naive behaviors from a toddler or a preteen like mature adults might do, elder children could always understand their peers and even share the same interests with them.

Second, the parents’ burden will be relieved a lot if those teenagers are looking after their younger siblings instead. Most parents, exhausted by overwhelming workload in the daytime, would feel stressed out if they still have to take care of the babies and do the housework at the same time. They have already suffered enough from finance pressure and mental stress of supporting families, teenagers are responsible for reducing the parents’ stress by caring for younger siblings for them.

Someone holds an attitude that the older children may refuse doing so as they deem this sort of things tedious and useless. This seems sensible at first. However, taking care of children is a task that everyone should conquer since every child would end up becoming a parent. As a saying goes,’ practice makes perfect.’ If teenagers look after their younger siblings, they can accumulate the experience of caring for children. Therefore, they will not panic when they are parents themselves. For example, they may change the diapers for an infant and they might have to try to feed a naughty boy when he doesn’t cooperate with them. And as they have dealt with these problems before, they will be able to take good care of their own baby when they grow up.

All in all, given the lack of generation gap, burden parents can be reduced, and the experience gained by the older children, it is the older children’s duty to take care of their younger siblings for parents.