Parents or school should teach children

  • Ocean
    University: SYSU
    Nationality: China
    April 24, 2019 at 2:16 pm

    Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

    Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

    Nowadays, some people believe that children should learn how to be good citizens at school while others think that it’d be better for them to learn it from their parents. I am in favor of the second opinion.

    It goes without saying that a child’s eduction is not just about learning knowledge and getting good scores. It’s more about the formation of personality and the shaping of moral conviction. But generally, schools are just places to learn about skills and knowledge. And since students always greatly outnumber teachers in most of schools, it is impossible for teacher to take responsibility for every student’s personality formation.

    So parents should see to it that their own kids can get good education. There are two main reasons why parents should teach children how to be good members of society rather than teachers. Firstly, according to a great number of researches, people’s personality can be much more mountable at their tender age than in any other periods. Compared to teachers, children at this young age usually spend more time with their parents. Therefore, it’s a good time for parents to teach their children right from wrong and help them form proper moral conviction.

    Secondly, it should be noted that children tend to imitate their parents unconsciously. If parents can set good examples for their children, thier kids can naturally grow up healthier. For instance, those children who grow up in loving families with educational parents can always achieve better performance in lots of aspects and can make greater contributions to the society than other children.

    In summary,  to teach the young generation to be better members of the society, family eduction is much more important than the education at school.

     

    P.S. There are some questions and I expect for your answers:

    • Is the example in the fourth paragraph suitable? Or should I include an example with more details?
    • Am I correct to give my opinion at the beginning of the passage? Or it’d be better to point out my view after the discussion?
    • And I feel that the logic of this passage not strong, how can I make it more self-consistency?

    Any reply will be helpful. Thank you very much!

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 25, 2019 at 3:43 am

    Score: 62.9

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words; (more than 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words.)

    Rewrite and resubmit your essay.

    Problems Highlight

    Nowadays [Verbose], some people believe that children should learn how to be good citizens at school while others think that it’d be better for them to learn it from their parents. [Lengthy, difficult-to-read sentence] I am in favor [Non-British spelling] ]of the second opinion.

    It goes without saying that [Verbose]a child’s eduction is not just (Problematic Adverb) about learning knowledge and getting good scores. It’s more about the formation of personality and the shaping of moral conviction. But generally, schools are just (Problematic Adverb) places to learn about skills and knowledge. And since students always greatly(Problematic Adverb) outnumber teachers in most of [Grammatical Error] schools, it is impossible for teacher [grammatical error] to take responsibility for every student’s personality formation.[Lengthy, difficult-to-read sentence]

    So parents should see to it that their own [Verbose]kids can get good [Grammatical Error] education. There are two main reasons why parents should teach children how to be good members of society rather than teachers. Firstly, according to a great number of researches, people’s personality can be much more mountable at their tender age than in any other periods. Compared to teachers, children at this young age usually spend more time with their parents. Therefore, it’s a good time for parents to teach their children right from wrong and help them form proper moral conviction.

    Secondly, it should be noted [Passive Voice]that children tend to imitate their parents unconsciously. If parents can set good examples for their children, thier {spelling error] kids can naturally(Problematic Adverb) grow up healthier. For instance, those children who grow up in loving families with educational parents can always achieve better performance in lots of aspects and can make greater contributions to the society than other children. [Lengthy, difficult-to-read sentence]

    In summary, to teach the young generation to be better members of the society, family eduction [Non-British spelling] ] is much more important than the education at school. [Lengthy, difficult-to-read sentence]

    Ocean
    University: SYSU
    Nationality: China
    April 25, 2019 at 8:07 am

    Some people believe that children should learn how to be good citizens at school. But others think that it’d be better for them to learn it from their parents. I am in favour of the second opinion.

    A child’s eduction is not about learning knowledge and getting good scores only. It’s more about the formation of personality and the shaping of moral conviction. But generally, schools are places to teach students how to make a living. And it is impossible for teacher to take responsibility for every student’s personality formation. Because students always outnumber teachers in most schools.

    So parents should see to it that their kids can get suitable family education. There are two main reasons why parents should teach children how to be good members of society rather than teachers. Firstly, according to a great number of researches, people’s personality can be much more mountable at their tender age than in any other periods. Compared to teachers, children at this young age usually spend more time with their parents. Therefore, it’s a good time for parents to teach their children right from wrong and help them form proper moral conviction.

    Secondly, it is well known that children tend to imitate their parents unconsciously. So kids can grow up healthier if their parents can set good examples for them. For instance, those children who grow up in loving families with educational parents can always achieve better performance in lots of aspects. And these children can surely make greater contributions to the society.

    To summarize, to help the young generation to be better members of the society, family and school education are both vital. And parents’ education is more indispensable.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 25, 2019 at 2:29 pm

    Score: 66.2 [Great job!]

    Your essay is very easy to read. Now I will give you suggestions for Advanced Improvement. Please rewrite and resubmit your essay.

    Additional Problems Highlight

    Some people believe that children should learn how to be good citizens at school. But others think that it’d [Don’t use abbreviations]be better for them to learn it from their parents. I am in favour of the second opinion.

    A child’s eduction [Spelling Error] is not [Use concrete verb to replace Be verb; avoid using NOT]about learning knowledge and getting [Use formal word] good scores only [Problematic positioning of modifer]. It’s [Don’t use abbreviations; Use concrete verb to replace Be verb]more [More ….Than]]about the formation of personality and the shaping of moral conviction. But generally, schools are places to teach students how to make a living. And it is impossible for teacher to take responsibility for every student’s personality formation. Because students always outnumber teachers in most schools.[Incomplete sentence]

    So parents should see to it that their kids can get suitable family education. There are two main reasons why parents should teach children how to be good [Use concrete word]members of society rather than teachers. Firstly, according to a great [Use concrete word]number of researches (Grammatical error], people’s personality can be much more mountable at their tender age than in any other periods. Compared to teachers, children at this young age usually spend more time with their parents. Therefore, it’s [Don’t use abbreviations]a good time for parents to teach their children right from wrong and help them form proper moral conviction.

    Secondly, it is well known [verbose] that children tend to imitate their parents unconsciously. So kids can grow up healthier if their parents can set good examples for them.[Grammatically incorrect subjunctive voice] For instance, those children who grow up in loving families with educational [Change word form] parents can always achieve better [better… than..]performance in lots of [Use formal word] aspects. And [Error of coordination word use]these children can surely make greater [greater… than ]contributions to the society.

    To summarize, to help the young generation to be better members of the society, family and school education are both vital. And [Error of coordination word use] parents’ education is more indispensable.

    Ocean
    University: SYSU
    Nationality: China
    April 26, 2019 at 3:06 am

    Some people believe that children should learn how to be good citizens at school. But others think that it would be better for them to learn it from their parents. I am in favour of the second opinion.

    It is incomplete for children’s education to only include learning knowledge and skills. It should also focus on the formation of personality and the nurture of ethics. But generally, schools are places to teach students how to make a living. And it is impossible for teacher to take responsibility for every student’s personality formation. Because teachers are always outnumbered by their students.

    So parents should see to it that their kids can get suitable family education. There are two main reasons why parents should teach children how to be qualified members of society rather than teachers. Firstly, according to a considerable number of research results, people’s personality can be much more mountable at their tender age than in any other periods. Compared to teachers, children at that young age usually spend more time with their parents. Therefore, it is a good time for parents to teach their children right from wrong and help them form proper moral conviction.

    Secondly, children tend to imitate their parents unconsciously. So kids would be able to grow up healthier if their parents set good examples to them. For instance, those children who grow up in loving families can always achieve better performance in many aspects than other children. Therefore, they can surely make great contributions to the society.

    To summarize, to help the young generation to be better members of the society, family and school education are both vital. But parents’ education is more indispensable.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 26, 2019 at 3:46 am

    Score: 64.

    There is a big improvement from your last version. The score is lower than the last one, but this has largely resulted from the reduction of words from the last version. I will get back to you soon.

    Best wishes,

    Lin Qiu

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 26, 2019 at 8:04 pm

    Please check the final edit below:

    https://writersforme.com/ocean-essay-20190426/

    Regards,

    Lin

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