Parents should be let their children manage their pocket money when they are young.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Parents should be let their children manage their pocket money when they are young.

  • JinnyJin
    University: Auckland university
    Nationality: China
    September 17, 2020 at 6:08 am

    Parents should be let their children manage their pocket money when they are young.

    Some educators advocate children’s money autonomy at an early age can stem from a belief that the process of managing allowance can foster children a sense of financial responsibility. As for me, reasonable as it may sound, this view does not hold water.

    Admittedly, financial management at a younger age may allow children to be somewhat responsible and organized. Letting kids take control of their own money provide a sense of trust and expectation which may stimulate them to become more attentive to price and market. That’s why experts would invariably propagate that children who have received early money-managing education would hardly end up with debts crisis.

    However, things are not always what they seem to be. Since children are still premature who have a weak judgements about money issues, money autonomy would be counterproductive. For instance, children may be distracted from schoolwork such as constantly thinking about what kinds of tech gadgets am I gonna to buy. In the end, academic performance will be definitely suffer. Furthermore, Some children intend to buy a New iPhone are geared towards keeping up with the Joneses, instead of actually need one. So it is not hard to imagine that pocket money lead children to more competitive and a kids with more disposable allowance may pick on a less privileged one.

    In addition, there are better recipes to foster teens’ financial awareness. Parents can set a good example to their children. Seeing a frugal mom shopping around and bargain before paying in grocery stores, a kid would figure out how to run a more economical life. Beside, biographies and movies enable children to learning management without causing any side effects. The life of Steve Jobs, for example, enlighten children about how to make profit form scratch and how to invest wisely.

    In summary, despite some slight merits, children’ money autonomy does more harm than good. And the financial responsibility can be trained by other ways as well.

    September 19, 2020 at 8:13 pm

    Partial revision [ all sentences are problematic.]

    Some educators advocate children’s money autonomy( at an early age)[ confusion – is that of educators or children?  ] can[ wrong word  ] stem from a belief that the process of [ managing is a process  ]managing allowance can (foster children a sense of financial responsibility)[ logical confusion  ]. As for me, reasonable as it may sound, this view does not hold water.

    Admittedly, financial management at a younger age may allow children to be somewhat responsible and organized. Letting kids take control of their own money provide a sense of trust and expectation which may stimulate them to become more attentive to price and market. That’s why experts would invariably propagate that children who have received early money-managing education would hardly end up with debts crisis.

    However, things are not always what they seem to be. Since children are still premature who have a weak judgements about money issues, money autonomy would be counterproductive. For instance, children may be distracted from schoolwork such as constantly thinking about what kinds of tech gadgets am I gonna to buy. In the end, academic performance will be definitely suffer. Furthermore, Some children intend to buy a New iPhone are geared towards keeping up with the Joneses, instead of actually need one. So it is not hard to imagine that pocket money lead children to more competitive and a kids with more disposable allowance may pick on a less privileged one.

    In addition, there are better recipes to foster teens’ financial awareness. Parents can set a good example to their children. Seeing a frugal mom shopping around and bargain before paying in grocery stores, a kid would figure out how to run a more economical life. Beside, biographies and movies enable children to learning management without causing any side effects. The life of Steve Jobs, for example, enlighten children about how to make profit form scratch and how to invest wisely.

    In summary, despite some slight merits, children’ money autonomy does more harm than good. And the financial responsibility can be trained by other ways as well.

    September 19, 2020 at 8:20 pm

    Score: 57

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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