Parents today are more involved in their children’s education than parents were in the past.

Score: ungraded

Parents today are more involved in their children’s education than parents were in the past.

Time [confusing word  ] for educating children is changing time by time. Personally, I believe parents nowadays spend more time on children’s education than before. I feel this way for three reasons, I will explore in the following essay. [  This is very bad writing. Specify the reasons.]

To begin with, parents [ absolute writing ] nowadays have fewer children. In the past, one family may[  grammatical error] have five or more children who needed to be raised, they[ unclear pronoun ] spend their time on each one. As a result, none of them [  unclear pronoun] receive full care from their parents. My father is a compelling example of this. In my grandparents’ time, they raised ten kids at the same time. My father is the oldest child of all, [ punctuation error ] he had the responsibility to [wrong preposition  ] take care of his sisters and brothers [punctuation error  ] which caused him [grammatical error  ] have no time to go to elementary school to accept education.[ many ‘to’s ]

Secondly, there are more educational resources than in the past. Every parent wants their children to be more competitive, [ punctuation error ] therefore more and more cram schools or talented-learning schools are popping up [ informal writing/are emerging ] nowadays. For example, I have been learning English for over ten years since my parents considered that English is a world language that should be learned as young as I am.[ wordy ] They believed that my English ability is better than [unparallell  ] my peers [ punctuation error ] which would have more opportunities in the future[  unclear] .

Finally, the working styles are changing now. People needed to go to the company or factory to work, and the working time was fixed. However, technology brings the [ article error ] different living styles to people, which comes so-called so-ho coworkers. I will take my brother as an example. He is a product designer, [ punctuation error ] most of his time is sitting in front of his computer to do the design. He uploads his work on the internet instead of bringing it into/to the office. This working style makes him work at home. As a result, he has more time to take care of his son. He can let his son study around him and solve every problem immediately.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that parents are spending more time joining their children’s education. This is because the fewer children in one family, keen for more competition, and working style-shifting.[grammatical error/unclear  ]

Score: 74.4

Spending time on educating children is changing time by time. Personally, I believe parents nowadays spend more time on children’s education than before. I feel this way for three reasons, [punctuation/coordinating word error ]I will explore in the following essay.

To begin with, many parents nowadays have fewer children. In the past, one family might have five or more children who needed to be raised, [punctuation/coordinating word error ]parents spend [ grammatical error]their time on each one. As a result, none of the children receive[ grammatical error] full care from their parents. My father is a compelling example of this. In my grandparents’ time, they raised ten kids at the same time. My father is the oldest child of all and he had the responsibility for taking care of his sisters and brothers, which caused him having no deprived him of the time to accept education in the elementary school.

Secondly, there are more educational resources than there were in the past. Every parent wants their children to be more competitive. Therefore, more and more cram schools or talented-learning schools are emerging nowadays. For example, I have been learning English for more than ten years since/because as a child I recognized the its importance in terms of this world language global communication. My parents believed that my English ability is [ grammatical error] better than my peers’, which would have more opportunities to obtain better jobs in the future could translate into more professional/job opportunities.

Finally, the working styles are changing now. People needed to go to the company or factory to work, and the working time was fixed. However, technology makes people have different living styles, which come to the so-called so-ho coworkers[ unclear sentence]. I will take my brother as an example. He is a product designer, and most of his time[ grammatical error] 1is sitting in front of his computer to do the design. He uploads his work on the internet while staying at home instead of bringing it to the office. This working style makes him work at home. As a result, he has thereby saving more time to take care of his son. He can let his son study around him and solve every problem immediately.

1. He is a product designer, and most of his time he is sitting…; 
2. He is a product designer and most of his time is sitting…; 

Either is correct. 

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that parents are spending more time joining their children’s education. This is because the fewer children in one family gain more care,[ unclear] parents keen their children for more competition, and working style shifts the way of educating kids. [ unclear]