Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.

  • zuozuobang
    University: Nanjing University
    Nationality: China
    July 6, 2020 at 9:30 am

    Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.

    Nowadays, it is clear that the characteristics of people have changed a lot, and people have different views about whether people in the current society have become more dependent or independent.

    On the one hand, people become more dependent because of the great pressure caused by urban life. This is because nowadays living cost in large cities has been increasing, and people have to cover living expenses, pay bills, afford their children’s tuition fees and pay off the mortgage. If people live alone, they have to undertake large amounts of living costs for themselves and they might experience financial difficulties from time to time. As a result, city citizens need the support from their families or friends and be more dependent.

    On the other hand, coordinative working environment also plays an important part to people’s dependence. Since most of work today has become more complex, it needs employees to cooperate and collaborate with their colleagues. Therefore, people tend to depend on others to make their work more productive and effective.

    However, people show their independence to some extent. For instance, nowadays some people choose to live alone and refuse to marry somebody, because they are occupied with work and cannot achieve work-family balance. This phenomena might be caused by well-rounded social infrastructure and service, but people still need help and support especially when they meet difficulties.

    In conclusion, in my view, although people show independence in some aspects, people tend to be more dependent currently because of the life pressure and complicated work.

    July 6, 2020 at 9:13 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    zuozuobang
    University: Nanjing University
    Nationality: China
    July 7, 2020 at 11:15 am

    Thanks for your suggestions!

    revison:

    Society evolves, so does the interpersonal relationship. While many argue that people are becoming increasingly independent on the wings of technology, I am of the opinion that we are becoming more dependent on each other particularly during this covid-19 era.

    First, people have become more dependent because of unemployment caused by the outbreak of coronavirus. The virus is airborne, so people have to stay at home instead of working outside to earn salaries. Due to unemployment, people may experience financial difficulties and find it difficult to cover high living cost in large cities, including bills, their children’s tuition fees and the mortgage. This means that they tend to be more dependent on support from their families or friends.

    Moreover, we should depend on forces of all sectors in our society to overcome the disease as soon as possible. People in disadvantaged areas may not rely on themselves to battle against the virus because of the lack of money and advanced technology. They need a large amount of resources, such as experienced doctors and investment on sophisticated medical equipment from other areas. Therefore, people become more dependent on the aid from all walks of life, and governments sectors need to cooperate and collaborate with each other.

    However, people tend to be independent to some extent, resulting from the acceleration of technology. For instance, computers, microwaves, and calculators can perform tasks quicker and more accurately than human beings, which have been enhancing the quality of our lives. While technology leads to a comfortable life, machines are not omnipotent, and people still need help and support when they meet difficulties.

    In conclusion, in my view, although people show independence driven by technology, people tend to be more dependent currently to against the disease and live comfortably.

     

     

    July 8, 2020 at 11:56 pm

    Score: 48

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    zuozuobang
    University: Nanjing University
    Nationality: China
    July 9, 2020 at 3:03 pm

    Society evolves, so does the interpersonal relationship. While many argue that people are becoming increasingly independent on the wings of technology, I am of the opinion that we are becoming more dependent on each other particularly during this covid-19 era.

    First, people have become more dependent because of unemployment caused by the outbreak of coronavirus. The virus is airborne, so people have to stay at home instead of working outside to earn salaries. Unemployed, many people can hardly make ends meet. Facility bills, mortgages, and children’s tuition fees compel people to seek support from families or friends.

    Moreover, we should depend on all forces in our society to overcome the disease as soon as possible. Lacking money and advanced technology, People in disadvantaged areas may not rely on themselves to battle against the virus. For example, they need experienced doctors and investment in sophisticated medical equipment. It also requires governments sectors cooperate and collaborate with each other. Therefore, people become more dependent on assistance from all walks of life.

    However, people tend to be independent to some extent, resulting from the acceleration of technology. For instance, computers, microwaves, and calculators can perform tasks quicker and more accurately than human beings, enhancing the quality of our lives. While technology leads to a comfortable life, machines are not omnipotent. People still need help and support when they meet difficulties.

    In conclusion, in my view, although people show independence driven by technology, they tend to be more dependent currently to against the disease.

    July 10, 2020 at 9:56 pm

    Society evolves, so does the [do  ]interpersonal relationship[relationships  ]. While many argue that people are becoming increasingly independent on the wings of technology, I am of the opinion that we[ people (be consistent) ] are becoming more dependent on each other [,  ]particularly during this covid-19 era.

    First, people have become more dependent [ repetition ][tend to be more reliant on each other  ]because of unemployment caused by the outbreak of coronavirus[ while covid-19 remains uncontained ]. The virus is airborne, so [ many ]people have to stay at home [ without an income ][. Some lucky folks receive furlough salaries ] instead of working outside to earn salaries. [ that ] can hardly make ends meet. Facility bills, mortgages, and children’s tuition fees compel [ many]people to seek support from families or friends.

    Moreover, we [one  ]should depend on all forces [societal resources ] in our society to overcome [challenges resulted from the pandemic  ]the disease as soon as possible. Lacking money and advanced technology, People[ people ] in disadvantaged [impoverished  ]areas may not rely on themselves to battle [are incapable of battling  ]against the virus[ epidemic (the SARS-cov-2 virus had existed on animals prior to the outbreak, so what threatens the humanity is not the virus, but the disease (covid-19) the virus caused.) ]. [Alleviating and eradicating the epidemic   ]For example, they need [ call for ]experienced doctors[,  ] and investment [ adequate stimulus packages, as well as ]in sophisticated medical equipment. It [This campaign  ]also requires [ combinational and collaborative efforts from expanded governmental ]governments sectors cooperate and collaborate with each other. Therefore, people become more dependent on [ civil and governmental ]assistance from all walks of life.

    However, people tend to be independent to some extent, resulting from [ Additionally, ]the acceleration of technology[ The accelerated technological development also facilitated human independence ]. For instance, computers, microwaves, and calculators can perform tasks quicker and more accurately than human beings, enhancing the quality of our lives. While technology leads[,has led  ] to a comfortable life[in many parts of the world  ], machines are not omnipotent. People still need help and support when they meet difficulties[that in many cases machines fail to provide  ].

    In conclusion, in my view, although people show independence driven by technology, they tend to be more dependent[. This is especially true during this covid-19 world  ] currently to against the disease.

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