People are less happy or satisfied than before

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing People are less happy or satisfied than before

  • yang
    University: Northeastern University
    Nationality: China
    April 24, 2019 at 7:51 am

    Topic: Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past.

    As time goes by, it seems that people are always unhappy or discontent with their lives nowadays. In my opinion, I cannot agree more with that point of view. And this point of view even accepted by all of my friends as well, the true is that little of people feel happy of satisfied with their lives now.

    Needless to say, science and technology now make earth a whole, which means that people could get in touch with each other no matter how far away they are. It is acknowledged by us all that we always feel happy when we are being with our friends or relatives. But is a phone call which phoned by your close friends or relatives that comes from far away from me equal to chatting with them face-to-face? Of course not. Although I can hear their sound, see their expression, I can never feel their touch or embrace them deeply. Furthermore, at the mercy of technology, people not are less treasure the moment that get together with friends or relatives. So, as my opinion, people now are less happy because of the convenience of getting in touch.

    Besides, as the limitation of methods on acquiring information has been infinitely reduced, people’s desires are expanding gradually. Consequently, people now are getting more and more difficult having a feel of satisfied than people in the past. Take myself and my grandpa as a example, My grandpa are easily satisfied with sufficient amount of food and a place to live. While, as to me, what I want is travelling around the world and being in a position where every one of my friends admired. Knowing more means wanting more, it is harder to satisfy a person who willing more than others. Nowadays, people generally want more than people in the past, so people are less satisfied than people in the past.

    In sum, from my prospect of view, people are truly more unhappy or less satisfied with their live than people in the past. And I believe, it is might be a good choice to cherish the moment when get together and lower the goal I set.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 24, 2019 at 9:26 pm

    Score: 64.8

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Shorten your essay to 320 words;
    2. Simplify/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    3. Convert passive-voice sentences into their active counterparts;
    4. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs.

    Rewrite and resubmit your essay.

    Problems Highlight

    As time goes by, it seems that people are always unhappy or discontent with their lives nowadays. In my opinion,[logical repetition] I cannot agree more with that point of view. And this point of view even accepted by all of [Verbose]my friends as well, the true [Grammatical Error]is that little of people feel happy of [Grammatical Error]satisfied with their lives now.

    Needless to say, science and technology now make earth [Grammatical Error]a whole, which means that people could get in touch with each other no matter how far away they are. It is acknowledged by [Passive Voice] us all that we always feel happy when we are being [Grammatical Error]with our friends or relatives. But is a phone call which phoned by your close friends or relatives that comes from far away from me equal to chatting with them face-to-face? Of course not. Although I can hear their sound, see their expression, I can never feel their touch or embrace them deeply[Problematic Adverb]. Furthermore, at the mercy of technology, people not are less treasure the moment that get[Grammatical Error] together with friends or relatives. So, as[Grammatical Error] my opinion, people now are less happy because of the convenience of getting in touch.

    Besides, as the limitation of methods on acquiring information has been infinitely reduced [passive voice}, people’s desires are expanding gradually. Consequently, people now are getting more and more difficult having a feel of satisfied than people in the past. Take myself and my grandpa as a [Grammatical Error]example, My [Grammatical Error]grandpa are [Grammatical Error]easily satisfied with sufficient amount of food and a place to live. While, as to me, what I want is travelling around the world and being in a position where every one of my friends admired. Knowing more means wanting more, [Grammatical Error]it is harder to satisfy a person who willing more than others. Nowadays, people generally want more than people in the past, so people are less satisfied than people in the past.

    In sum, from my prospect of view, people are truly [Problematic Adverb] more unhappy or less satisfied with their live [Grammatical Error]than people in the past. And I believe, it is might be a good choice to cherish the moment when get [Grammatical Error]together and lower the goal I set.

    yang
    University: Northeastern University
    Nationality: China
    April 28, 2019 at 6:52 am

    Topic: Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past.

    As time goes by, someone said that people are always more unhappy or discontent with their lives than people were in the past. And this point of view even accepted by all of my friends as well, the truth is that little of people feel happy of satisfying with their lives now.

    Needless to say, science and technology now make the earth a whole, which means that people could get in touch with each other no matter how far away they are. We all acknowledge that we always feel happy when we are meeting with our friends or relatives. But is a phone call which phoned by your close friends or relatives that comes from far away from me equal to chatting with them face-to-face? Of course not. Although I can hear their sound, see their expression, I can never feel their touch or embrace them intensely. Furthermore, at the mercy of technology, people not are less treasure the moment that getting together with friends or relatives. So, as I see it, people now are less happy because of the convenience of getting in touch.

    Besides, as the infinitely decrease of the limitation of methods on acquiring information, people’s desires are expanding gradually. Consequently, people now are getting more and more difficult having a feel of satisfied than people in the past. Take myself and my grandpa as an example, my grandpa is easily satisfied with sufficient amount of food and a place to live. While, as to me, what I want is travelling around the world and being in a position where every one of my friends admired. Because of knowing more means wanting more, it is harder to satisfy a person who willing more than others. Nowadays, people generally want more than people in the past, so people are less satisfied than people in the past.

    In sum, from my prospect of view, people are surely more unhappy or less satisfied with their lives than people in the past. And I believe, it is might be a good choice to cherish the moment when getting together and lower the goal I set.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 1, 2019 at 8:33 pm

    Score: 73.6 (Great Job)

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Shorten your essay to 320 words;
    2. Reduce the number of passive-voice sentences;
    3. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    4. Remove grammatical, factual and logical errors.

    Problems Highlight

    As time goes by, someone said that people are always more unhappy or discontent with their lives than people were in the past. And this point of view even accepted by all of my friends as well, the truth is that little of people feel happy of [Grammatical Error]satisfying with their lives now.

    Needless to say, science and technology now make the earth a whole, which means that people could get in touch with each other no matter how far away they are. [Verbose Sentence] We all acknowledge that we always feel happy when we are meeting with our friends or relatives. But is a phone call which phoned by your close friends or relatives that comes from far away from me equal to chatting with them face-to-face? Of course not. Although I can hear their sound, see their expression, I can never feel their touch or embrace them intensely[Problematic Adverb]. Furthermore, at the mercy of technology, people not are less treasure the moment that getting together with friends or relatives. [Verbose, Hard-to-read Sentence] So, as I see it, people now are less happy because of the convenience of getting in touch.

    Besides, as the infinitely [?}decrease of the limitation of methods on acquiring information, people’s desires are expanding gradually. [Verbose, Hard-to-read Sentence]Consequently, people now are getting more and more difficult having a feel of satisfied than people in the past. Take myself and my grandpa as an example, my grandpa is easily satisfied with [Article Error]sufficient amount of food and a place to live. While, as to me, what I want is travelling around the world and being in a position where every one of my friends admired. Because of knowing more means wanting more, it is harder to satisfy a person who willing more than others. Nowadays, people generally want more than people in the past, so people are less satisfied than people in the past.

    In sum, from my prospect of view, people are surely [Problematic Adverb]more unhappy or less satisfied with their lives than people in the past. And I believe, it is might be a good [Vague Word] choice to cherish the moment when getting together and lower the goal I set.