Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are less dependent on their parents than young people in the past.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are less dependent on their parents than young people in the past.

  • takeshi
    University: Tsinghua University
    Nationality: Japan
    April 5, 2020 at 7:02 am

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are less dependent on their parents than young people in the past.

    In some people’s views, young people still depend on their parents to make decisions like before, contrary to these people my perspective is that with the development of personal skills and knowledge base, young people are likely to make decisions by themselves.

    What must be prioritized is that with the development of the internet, people can get information that they want more conveniently. To begin with, when people are confused about the problems, they have access to asking for help from different aspects. In detail, people can search for information from friends, teachers, the internet and even books. They have plenty of ways to get information, therefore, they can make decisions independently. In contrast, people don’t have such various ways to get information before, so they have to ask for help from their parents. Moreover, making decisions by themselves can lead young people to have a rosy life. To begin with, society and companies need young people who can make decisions to work for them. In detail, independent people usually will take more responsibilities and they make others feel reliable. Companies will select these people as leaders with a better salary in the future.

    What should be equally worth discussing is that young people are more innovated than before with the help of advanced technologies. To begin with, with the help of advanced software, young people are capable to try new ways to solve problems conveniently. To explore it further, to solve these problems, they have to make decisions by themselves,so they become innovated and independent than before. On the contrary, under no circumstance will people make decisions dependently without new advanced technologies before. Additionally, young people who make decision dependently always make more friends. To begin with, people who are independent always solve problems by themselves, and they have more chance to meet others have the same problem. Especially, they will be friends during they face troubles together, and they will hold a strong relationship.

    Therefore, I agree that young people are likely to make decisions by themselves, instead of by their parents nowadays.

    April 8, 2020 at 4:34 pm

    Score: 58.1

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Lengthy paragraphs. Keep each paragraph within 80 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.