People are surrounded by many kinds of advertising which can influence their life. Do the positive effects of this trend outweigh the negative effects?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing People are surrounded by many kinds of advertising which can influence their life. Do the positive effects of this trend outweigh the negative effects?

  • Yong
    University: University of Amsterdam
    Nationality: China
    October 25, 2020 at 1:34 am

    People are surrounded by many kinds of advertising which can influence their life. Do the positive effects of this trend outweigh the negative effects?

    There is a trend that more and more people are facing a huge variety of advertisements via newspapers and media thanks to the development of technology which can be used more widely compared to the past, and it means that it has had a great impact on our life deeply. I do think it has more drawbacks rather than advantages.

    Obviously, by using different kinds of advertising full of our daily world, via watching it can we know more information about the product like the materials, prices and origin, which means that consumers are informed so widely that a better choice can be made by them in theory.

    However, as a result of the increasing advertising around us, especially in the world of social media, advertising has been ubiquitous. Thanks to advanced media technology, the internet company has the capability to collect the date which is about what we prefer when we surf the internet, to adjust their policy to recommend something we like more accurately.

    meantime, it is no doubt that with the current obsession with celebrity, there has come to such a widespread trend of using celebrity endorsement to sell a product that young or naive consumers can be easily persuaded to buy such a product in the hope of gaining a fraction of the popularity achieved by their idols. It can be very dangerous, as without sufficient guidance, they are at risk of getting into debt in the effort to blend in to their social groups.

    In conclusion, while nowadays the norms of advertising are more comprehensive and regulated, the advanced techniques and methods used by advertising companies are such that consumers are dangerously susceptible to them, leading to unwise spending choices.

    October 27, 2020 at 8:21 pm

     

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 90% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 40% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.