People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university?
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October 14, 2019 at 4:25 am
IELTS Writing Topic: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Nowadays, more and more people attend college or university. Everyone has their own reason for doing so, while I believe most people attend college for career preparation instead of new experiences or increased knowledge. And I’d like to illustrate my thought deeply.
To begin with, as reported on media communications, the career searching market is much more fierce than before, even people who are with several professional certificated may incapable to find a job. Also, human resourse managers pay more attention on recruiting efficiency. Then there is no wonder that resumes without a certificate of university degree will be rejected at the first round.
What’s more, what students learned in universities can cope with the abilities they need in work. Take myself as an example, my major is accounting. And I learned how to make accounts, how to audit for companies, how to calculate tax for an accounting year in university. Now I worked for an accounting firm, my professional ability creates huge value for my company and I got appreciation from my director. I used to make a great effort for learning skills in university and now they all pay back. After my graduation my humble expectation is to become a manager within 3 years and last week I received the notice from my company about my promotion.
In addition, your fellows in college can be help you build your own powerful network. What I attended before is business school, all fellows I met are intended to develop their career life in the business field. I still remembered at that busy time, we shared our experience of finding a decent job and different internship opportunies. One of my senior fellow even recommend me to be an internship to his company, which is a titled and reputational corporation. Thanks to the valuable internship experience that I could get an offer from my current company.
In conclusion, most people get into college for career preparation and the fact shows that college can be greatly helpful in finding a job.
October 14, 2019 at 4:37 pmScore: 57.5
Main issues:
- Many sentences exceed 20 words. You need to simplify/slit them.
- Minimize the number of passive sentences.
I will send you screenshots to illustrate questions/issues with your essay.
Regards,
Lin Qiu
October 14, 2019 at 10:48 pmNowadays, more and more people attend college or university. But most of them attend college or university for career preparation. And I’d like to illustrate it in a detailed way.
To begin with, as reported on media communications, the career searching market is more fierce than ever. Even people who are with several professional certificated may incapable to find a job. Also, human resource managers pay more attention to recruiting efficiency. Then it is no wonder that people without a certificate of university degree will be rejected in the first round.
What’s more, what students learned in universities can cope with the abilities they need for work. Take myself as an example, my major is accounting. And I learned how to make accounts, how to audit for companies, how to calculate tax for an accounting year in university. Now I worked for an accounting firm, my professional ability creates great value for my company and I got appreciation from my director. I used to make an effort for learning skills in university, and now they all payback. After my graduation, my humble expectation is to become a manager within 3 years and last week I received the notice from my company about my promotion.
What’s more, your fellows in college can help you build your powerful network. What I attended before is business school, all fellows I met are intended to develop their career life in the business field. I still remembered at that busy time, we shared our experience of finding a decent job and different internship opportunities. One of my senior fellows even recommends me to be an internship for his company, which is a titled and reputational corporation. Thanks to the valuable internship experience that I could get an offer from my current company.
In conclusion, most people get into college for career preparation and in fact, college can be pretty helpful in finding a job.
October 24, 2019 at 2:37 amScore: 58.3
This essay is considered difficult to read. Try to make shorter sentences, using less difficult words to improve readability.
Many sentences contain passive voice. Try to use their active counterparts.
A large number of sentences contain more than 20 words, which is more than the recommended maximum of 20%. Try to shorten the sentences.
I will send you the screenshots to illustrate specific errors.
October 24, 2019 at 2:39 amNowadays,
more and more[ redundant/many ] people attend college or university. But most of them attend college or university [ repetition ] for career preparation. And[ punctuation error ] I’d like to illustrate it [ unclear pronoun ] in a detailed way.To begin with, as reported on media
communications[ redundant ] , the career[ career/job-searching ] searching market is more fierce than ever. Even people who are with several professional certificated [ word form ] may[ lack of a verb ] incapable to find a job. Also, human resource managers pay more attention to recruiting efficiency. Then it is no wonder that [ redundant ] people without a certificate of [ wrong preposition ] university degree will [ tense error ] be rejected in [ during ] the first round.What’s more, what students learned in universities can [ cannot ] cope with the abilities they need for work. Take myself as an example, my major is accounting[ convention error/Accounting ] . And [ coordinating/punctuation error ] I learned how to make accounts[redundant ] , how to audit for companies[ redundant ] , how to calculate tax for an accounting year[redundant ] in university. Now I worked for an accounting firm, my professional ability creates great value for my company [ , ] and [ so ] I got [ article error ] appreciation from my director. I used to make an effort for learning skills in university, and now they all payback[ spelling error ] . After my [ redundant ] graduation, my humble expectation is to become a manager within 3[ three ] years [, ] and last week I received the notice from my company about my promotion.
What’s more, your fellows[ unclear word ] in college can help you [ shift of person ] build your[ shift of person ] powerful network. What I attended before is business school[ ? ] , all fellows I met are intended to develop their career life[ careers ] in the business field. I still remembered at that busy time, we shared our experience of finding a decent job and different internship opportunities. One of my senior fellows [ ? ] even recommends me
to bean internship for [ wrong preposition ] his company, which is a titled [unclear ] and reputational [ wrong word ] corporation. Thanks to the valuable internship experience that I could get an offer from my current company.[ grammatical error ]In conclusion, most people get into college for career preparation [ ; ]
andin fact, college can be pretty helpful in finding a job.
