People attend college or university for many different reasons

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing People attend college or university for many different reasons

  • Sherry
    University: XD University
    Nationality: China
    April 20, 2019 at 5:14 am

    TOEFL TOPIC: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Nowadays, more and more students graduated from high school take attending college into their prior consideration. We can explore a number of reasons behind it.

    First of all, we are living in a knowledge exploration times which means all of us need to prepare for learning through our whole life. Under the pressure of society and career in the future, we need to keep on learning latest technology skills and professional knowledge. Especially for some career such as architects and engineers. In this situation, we need an environment to prepare for the competition in the future, and college or university is an ideal place. In the college, there are excellent professors and advanced laboratories available which brings us access to promote our abilities most effectively.

    Secondly, during college life, we would obtain many friends having the same goal or hobby. They would become one of the value in our future life. We can not only share our experience and feelings, but also communicate professional thoughts with them. Admittedly, studying in college or university is a precious experience which would not go through. As we are getting older, we would have many other things waiting for us, and we have less chance to enjoy the pure happiness of learning. For instance, it is common that many successful athletes and businessmen back to school after they have obtained great achievement.

    For these reasons above, it is worthwhile for people to attend college or university.And there is no wonder why more and more people value college experience.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 23, 2019 at 1:56 am

    Score: 59.9

    Selected Problems Highlight

    Nowadays, more and more students graduated from high school take attending college into their prior consideration. We can explore a number of (Verbose Expression) reasons behind it.
     
    First of all, we are living in a knowledge exploration times (Grammatical Error) which means all of us (Complex) need to prepare for learning through our whole life. Under the pressure of society and career in the future, we need to keep on learning latest technology skills and professional knowledge. Especially for some career (Grammatical Error)such as architects and engineers. In this situation, we need an environment to prepare for the competition in the future, and college or university is an ideal place. In the college, there are excellent professors and advanced laboratories available which brings us access to promote our abilities most effectively.
     
    Secondly (Weak Adverb), during college life, we would obtain many friends having the same goal or hobby. They would become one of the value (Grammatical Error)in our future life. We can not only share our experience and feelings, (Grammatical Error) but also communicate professional thoughts with them. Admittedly, studying in college or university is a precious experience which would not go through. As we are getting older, we would have many other things waiting for us, and we have less chance to enjoy the pure happiness of learning. For instance, it is common that many successful athletes and businessmen (Gender Discrimination) back to school after they have obtained great achievement.
     
    For these reasons above, it is worthwhile for people to attend college or university. And there is no wonder why more and more people value college experience.
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    Partial Proofreading

    Nowadays, more and more students graduated from high school take attending college into their prior consideration. We can explore some reasons behind it.

    First of all, we are living in a knowledge exploration time which means we need to prepare for learning through our whole life. Under the pressure of society and career in the future, we need to keep on learning latest technology skills and professional knowledge. Especially for some professions such as architects and engineers. In this situation, we need an environment to prepare for the competition in the future, and college or university is an ideal place. In the college, there are excellent professors and advanced laboratories available which brings us access to promote our abilities most effectively.

    Besides, during college life, we would obtain many friends having the same goal or hobby. They would become one of the values in our future growth. We can not only share our experience and feelings but also communicate professional thoughts with them. Admittedly, studying in college or university is a precious experience which would not go through. As we are getting older, we would have many other things waiting for us, and we have less chance to enjoy the pure happiness of learning. For instance, it is common that many successful athletes and businesspeople back to school after they have obtained great achievement.

    For these reasons above, it is worthwhile for people to attend college or university. And there is no wonder why more and more people value college experience.

    ——————

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    2. A large number of grammatical, logical and factual errors.

    Rewrite and resubmit your essay.

    Best regards,

    Lin Qiu

    Sherry
    University: XD University
    Nationality: China
    April 23, 2019 at 10:57 am

    Modified Version:

    Nowadays, it is a trend that students graduated from high school take attending college into their prior consideration. As a general social phenomenon, it must have some virtues behind it.

    First of all, we are living in a knowledge exploration time which means we should have a mental preparation for learning through our whole life. Under the pressure of society and career in the future, we need to keep on learning latest technology skills and professional knowledge. Especially for some professions such as architects and engineers. In this situation, we need an environment to prepare for the competition in the future, and college or university is an ideal place. For in the college, there are outstanding professors and advanced laboratories available which brings us access to promote our abilities most effectively. In addition, though academic diploma cannot fully represent the ability of a person, it plays a crucial role in his/her career life. An excellent diploma is one of the preconditions to a good job in most of the situation.

    Besides, during college life, we would obtain many friends having the same goal or hobby with us. They would become one of the values in our future growth. We can not only share our experience and feelings but also communicate professional thoughts with them. Admittedly, studying in college or university is a precious experience which would not go through. As we are getting older, we usually have a great many other things which would divert our attention, thus we have less chance to enjoy the pure happiness of learning. In my opinion, as an integrated man, this experience is essential. For instance, it is common that many successful athletes and business people back to school after they have obtained great achievement.

    For these reasons above, it is worthwhile for people to attend college or university. And people valuing college experience becomes a trend is no wonder.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 23, 2019 at 1:31 pm

    Score:

    57.2.

    Much improved. I will work on your essay shortly.

    Best wishes,

    Lin Qiu

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 23, 2019 at 8:49 pm

    Hi, please find your final edited essay below.

    https://writersforme.com/sherry-essay-20190423/

    Regards.

    Lin Qiu