People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign country.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign country.

  • maple0508
    University: No
    Nationality: Chinese
    May 10, 2020 at 2:08 pm

    People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign country.

    People always want to explore the world, especially in this high-tech time because traveling is more convenient and people can afford the expense. However, there are also some ambiguity: traveling in people’s own country or going to foreign place. From my perspective, I will choose traveling in my own country.

    First of all, traveling in one’s own country can help people compress their budget. Because traveling foreign country means you will have a large amount of expense though you will experience a substantially different journey. Let us imagine: if a Chinese has a plan to climb a snow mountain, he has 80% possibility choosing Celestial Mountain instead of Alps. In addition, visiting foreign country sometimes is not worthy. It is a common sense that people own currency that is cheaper than the country they want to go.They should cost more than cost of residents can have the counterpart.

    Second, because of different languages and customs, people cannot have a good trip. Although nowadays people are more willing to learn the second language, second language in some school even is a compulsory class. But population of truly bilingual people is not tremendously huge. Nowadays, Some people only learn second language to deal with their examination. Thus, if they visit foreign country, they may even cannot order meal individually.

    Third, long time spent on transportation is also a significant factor. People who go abroad need to expend more time than those which only enjoy themselves in own country. Time spent on airplanes is always tedious, except first-class.  Although nowadays facilities and services on airplane are better and better, I still want to lay on Maldives’ beach instead of sleeping on planes. And some people’s holiday is only a few days, maybe one week or 10 days, if they spend 4 days on transportations, they might not have a good experience.

    In conclusion, in order to broaden horizon, visiting foreign place is a wonderful choice. But we must based on some actual facts like expense, time and language. Thus we can make a practical plan and enjoy a fascinating vacation.

    May 10, 2020 at 10:06 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them;
    2. Almost all sentences were poorly written, so you need to rewrite all of them;
    3. Shift of person: stay consistent with one person; avoid shifting in persons (I, we, you, it, they., etc unless necessary.

    * When you write a sentence, make sure all words/phrases make sense in the context, and all clauses are logically connected. I.E. “People always want to explore the world, especially in this high-tech time because traveling is more convenient and people can afford the expense.” This sentence is confusing because clauses lack logical connections. You may say: Since air traveling is becoming both convenient and affordable in many parts of the world, an increasing number of people want to travel to a foreign country. ‘

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    maple0508
    University: No
    Nationality: Chinese
    May 11, 2020 at 10:53 am

    Nowadays, people are more willing to travel because traveling is more convenient than before. And different people have different destinations. Some choose own country and the others select foreign realm. For my perspective, I will choose to travel in my own country.

    First of all, traveling in one’s own country can help people compress their budgets. It is because you will spend a large amount of money if you travel foreign countries. You will spend money on visa fee, more expensive air fare, translators’ salaries and etc. But if you travel in your own country, you can save money on many aspects like air fare, hotel fare and no need to translator. In addition, going to another country is sometimes not worth because of different commodities price. Take myself as the best example. I was went to the British and in Scotland, I used eight pound to buy a bottle of water. However, I buy it in China only need 3 penny. Thus, it is not worthy to go foreign countries.

    Second, people may have an awful journey due to distinct customs and languages. Bilingual people are rare scarce talents, not to mention multilingual person. Because people only learn another language for tests. Thus, some people may not know how to order a meal. And though some people know different languages, they may not know their cultures and some customs. So we maybe trigger some unnecessary conflicts. And then it may make trip not fantastic.

    Third, so much time that spending on transportation is also a bad point. People who go abroad will spend more time than those who travel in own country. For example, if you play in own country, you may only need take 4-6 hours airplane. In contrast, going abroad means you need spend at least 10 hours on plane. Someone’s holiday maybe only 5 days, and if he spends 4 days on road, he must cannot enjoy himself.  Moreover, time spending on transportations is always tedious. Please recall time you spend on planes or cars, you may only eat and sleep. Therefore, visiting foreign countries is waste time.

    In conclusion , though other country may have a different landscape, but enjoy in our own country is also a good experience. You can save time, save money and avoid some troubles.

    May 16, 2020 at 2:08 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Many grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.