People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do

TOEFL, IELTS, Application Essay Writing Services TOEFL Writing Topics People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do

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    HollyRwan
    University: Zhejiang University
    Nationality: China
    May 10, 2019 at 7:54 am

    A group of young people have a wild drinking party in a bar.

    TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment – doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Getting balance between what we like and what we should do is a forever difficulty for people, especially for those who have little interest in the compulsory assignments. It also seems that more and more people pay too much attention to personla enjoyment-doing things rather than things they should do. However, from my observation, most people still keep spending enough time doing what they should do.

    There are many reasons for people to do things they should do. For example, students should finish homework in case they will be punished by parents, from which pulishment plays the role as an warning; adults should focus on their work, because if their work is finished perfectly, they may be promoted, from which award plays the role as an inspiration. No matter out of which reason, if people are assured that they can get what they want or they can avoid what they hate, they will choose to do what they should do.

    Take my roommate as an example, she is the least hardworking student in our doom and seldom offers to do anything related to academy. However, everytime our teachers declare certain assignment, she will take notes down carefully and finish these assignments before deadline so that she can pass these courses. It’s obvious that she spends much time on personal enjoyment-doing things like watching TV, but it doesn’t mean that she forget things she should do. Another example comes from my father, he enjoys playing computer games so much that it’s hard to imagin one day he foegets this entertainment. Nevertheless, his work has never been affected because he knows that as an emplyee, he must put work before entertainment.

    I have to admit that it’s a trend that people begin spending more and more time on what they like, but I also believe that people still contribute more to what they should do. Whether there is a punishment or an award may have something to do with this. But we must remember that it’s people who make this choice.

     
    • This topic was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by Avatar linqiu.
    • This topic was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by Avatar linqiu.
    • This topic was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by Avatar linqiu.
    Avatar
    May 14, 2019 at 8:05 pm

    Score: 59.6

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Convert passive-voice sentences into their active counterparts;
    2. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    Getting [Article Error]balance between what we like and what we should do is a forever difficulty for people, especially for those who have little interest in the compulsory assignments.[Verbose, hard-to-read sentence]. It also seems that more and more people pay too much attention to personla [Spelling Error]enjoyment-doing things rather than things they should do. However, from my observation, most people still keep spending enough time doing what they should do.

    There are many reasons for people to do things they should do. For example, students should finish homework in case they will be punished by[Passive Voice] parents, from which pulishment [Spelling Error]plays the role as an [Article Error]warning; adults should focus on their work, because if their work is finished[Passive Voice] perfectly, they may be promoted, [Passive Voice] from which award plays the role as an inspiration.[Verbose, hard-to-read sentence] No matter out of which reason, if people are assured [Passive Voice] that they can get what they want or they can avoid what they hate, they will choose to do what they should do.

    Take my roommate as an example, [Punctuation Error]she is the least hardworking student in our doom and seldom offers to do anything related to academy. However, everytime [Spelling Error]our teachers declare certain assignment, she will take notes down carefully and finish these assignments before [Article Error]deadline so that she can pass these courses. [Verbose, hard-to-read sentence]It’s obvious that she spends much time on personal enjoyment-doing things like watching TV, but it doesn’t mean that she forget [Grammatical Error]things she should do. Another example comes from my father, [Punctuation Error]he enjoys playing computer games so much that it’s hard to imagin [Spelling Error]one day he foegets [Grammatical Error]this entertainment. Nevertheless, his work has never been affected [Passive Voice] because he knows that as an emplyee [Spelling Error], he must put work before entertainment.

    I have to admit that it’s a trend that people begin spending more and more time on what they like, but I also believe that people still contribute more to what they should do. [Verbose, hard-to-read sentence]Whether there is a punishment or an award may have something to do with this. But we must remember that it’s people who make this choice.

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please rewrite and resubmit your essay. 

     

     
    Avatar
    HollyRwan
    University: Zhejiang University
    Nationality: China
    May 15, 2019 at 3:14 am

    Balancing between what we like and what we should do remains a challenge for most people. It is especially true when we must do what we have little interest in. It alos seems that more people pay too much attention to personal enjoyment-doing things rather than things they should do. However, from my observation, most people keep spending enough time doing what they should do.

    There are many reasons for people to do things they should do. For example, students should finish homework to avoid parental punishment. Here the potential penality may serve as a warning. Also, adults should focus on their work and finish it satisfactorily to get promotion. In this case, promotion plays the role as an inspiration. No matter what the motivation is, if people realize that they can get what they want or they can avoid what they hate, they will choose to do what they should do.

    Take my roommate as an example. She is the least hardworking student in our doom and it is rare for her to do anything related to academics. However, every time our teachers give certain assignments, she will take careful notes and finish them before the deadline. This contributes to her excellence in most courses. It is obvious that she spends much time on personal enjoyment-doing things like watching TV. But it does not mean that she forgets to do things she should do. Another example comes from my father. He enjoys playing computer games so much that it’s hard to imagine one day he forgets this entertainment. Nevertheless, this never influences his work negatively. Because he knows that as an employee, he must put work before entertainment.

    I have to admit that it is a trend that people begin spending more and more time on what they like. However, it is of no doubt that people still devote enough energy to what they should do. Whether there is a punishment or an award may have something to do with this choice. But we must remember that it is people who make this determination.

     
    • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Avatar linqiu.
    Avatar
    May 17, 2019 at 2:26 am

    Score: 76

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Shorten essay to 320 words.

    Problems Highlight

    Balancing between what we like and what we should do remains a challenge for most people. It [Use concrete noun (phrase) to replace pronouns] is especially true when we must do what we have little interest in[Using preposition at the end of a sentence]. It [Use concrete noun (phrase) to replace pronouns] alos [Spelling Error]seems that more people pay too much attention to personal enjoyment-doing things rather than things they should do. However, from my observation, most people keep spending enough time doing what they should do.

    There are many reasons for people to do things they should do. For example, students should finish homework to avoid parental punishment. Here the potential penality [Spelling Error]may serve as a warning. Also, adults should focus on their work and finish it satisfactorily to get[Article Error] promotion. In this case, promotion plays the role as an inspiration. No matter what the motivation is, if people realize that they can get what they want or they can avoid what they hate, they will choose to do what they should do. [Avoid using many ‘they’]

    Take my roommate as an example. She is the least hardworking student in our doom[Punctuation Error] and it is rare for her to do anything related to academics. However, every time our teachers give certain assignments, she will [Tense inconsistency] take careful notes and finish them before the deadline. This [Use concrete noun (phrase) to replace pronouns]contributes to her excellence in most courses. It is obvious that she spends much time on personal enjoyment-doing things like watching TV. But it does not mean that she forgets to do things she should do. Another example comes from my father. He enjoys playing computer games so much that it’s [use formal writing]hard to imagine one day he forgets this entertainment. Nevertheless, this never influences his work negatively[Distance from modified verb]. Because [Grammatical Error]he knows that as an employee, he must put work before entertainment.

    I have to admit that it is a trend that people begin spending more and more time on what they like. However, it is of no doubt that people still devote enough energy to what they should do. Whether there is a punishment or an award may have something to do with this choice. But we must remember that it is people that who make this determination.

    Comment: Revise and re-upload your essay.

     
    • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Avatar linqiu.
    • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Avatar linqiu.
    • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Avatar linqiu.
    • This reply was modified 6 days, 17 hours ago by Avatar linqiu.
    Avatar
    HollyRwan
    University: Zhejiang University
    Nationality: China
    May 18, 2019 at 2:56 pm

    Balancing between what we like and what we should do remains a challenge for most people. Also, more people seem to pay too much attention to personal enjoyment-doing things rather than things they should do. However, from my observation, most people still spend enough time doing what they should do.

    There are many reasons for people to make this choice. For example, students should finish homework to avoid parental punishment. Here the potential penalty may serve as a warning. Also, adults should focus on their work and finish it satisfactorily to get the promotion. In this case, promotion plays the role as an inspiration. No matter what the motivation is, if people realize that these compulsory assignments is beneficial, they will choose to do what they should do.

    Take my roommate as an example. She is the least hardworking student in our dorm and it is rare for her to do anything related to academics. However, every time our teachers gave certain assignments, she would take careful notes and finish them before the deadline. This habit contributed to her excellence in most courses. Obviously, she spends much time on personal enjoyment-doing things like TV. But it does not mean that she forgets to do things she should do. Another example comes from my father. He enjoys playing computer games so much that it is hard to imagine one day he forgets this entertainment. Nevertheless, this recreation never negatively influences his work. Because he knows that as an employee, he must put work before entertainment.

    I have to admit that it is a trend that people begin spending more and more time on what they like. However, it is of no doubt that people still devote enough energy to what they should do. Whether there is a punishment or an award may have something to do with this choice. But we must remember that it is people that make this determination.

     
    • This reply was modified 5 days, 16 hours ago by Avatar linqiu.
    Avatar
    May 18, 2019 at 3:46 pm

    Score: 72.4

    Great! I will get back to you shortly.

     
    Avatar
    May 19, 2019 at 3:20 am

    Final Edit

    Balancing/Striking/Finding a balance between what we like and what we should do remains a challenge for most people. Also, more people seem to pay too much attention to personal enjoyment/pleasure-doing things rather than things they should do. However, from my observation, most people still spend enough time doing what they should do.

    There are many reasons for people to make this choice. For example, students should finish homework to avoid parental punishment. Here the potential penalty may serve as a warning. Also, adults should focus on their work and finish it satisfactorily to get the/a promotion. In this case, promotion plays the role of as an inspiration. No matter what the motivation is, if people realize that these compulsory assignments are is beneficial, they will choose to do what they should do.

    Take my roommate as an example. She is the least hardworking student in our dorm and it is rare for her to do anything related to academics. However, every time our teachers gave certain assignments, she would take careful notes and finish them before the deadline. This habit contributed to her excellence in most courses. Obviously, she spends much time on personal enjoyment/doing enjoyable things-doing things like watching TV. But it does not mean that she forgets to do things she should do. Another example comes from my father. He enjoys playing computer games so much that it is hard to imagine him forgetting this entertainment for even one (or ‘a single’) day one day he forgets this entertainment. Nevertheless, this recreation never negatively influences/impacts his work. Bbecause he knows that as an employee, he must put work before entertainment.

    I have to admit that it is a trend that people begin spending/have begun to spend more and more time on what they like. However, it is of no doubt that people still devote enough energy to what they should do. Whether there is a punishment or an award may have something to do with this choice. But we must remember that it is people/individuals that make this determination for themselves.