People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do.

  • Tobby1998
    University: Universität Stuttgart
    Nationality: China
    September 16, 2021 at 10:54 pm

    People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do.

    With the development of modern entertainment technology, people have access to a wide range of amusements, such as computer games, virtual reality, short videos application on the cellphone, and so on, which didn’t exist in the past. Some people think that those things have driven our attention on our duties away. To a large degree, I am consistent with this point of view.

    Above all, the availability of different amusement options has given us an abundance of temptation. Let us take the smartphone as an example. Every time a person feels bored, he would have the chance to seize his smartphone, which in many cases one would actually do it. Once they unlock their phone, they would enter a world full of short time happiness or conciliation. they browse their social media, watch video clips on youtube or TikTok. When they finally realize that they are way too far on distraction, maybe 30 minutes have already passed. This is only one electrical device, not to mention other entertainment with stronger impulse.

    Secondly, it is a fact that such dependence on modern devices has created a shapeless barrier in front of the thing we need to face because it is simply too easy to run away from one’s responsibility or real goal for a while. When this behavior becomes a habit, then a large part of one’s life is consumed. Although I have been trying very hard to avoid this thing from happening, by not installing games or short video apps on my smartphone, still, I spend over 4 hours every day on my cellphone.

    Therefore, I think we should distribute part of entertainment time to the thing we should do, such as career, study, and so on because those entertainments don’t bring us real happiness. Instead of dipping ourselves in meaningless amusement, one should rather choose activities which would make himself truly happy, such as reading a book, develop a hobby, or spend time with friends. Combining these kinds of things with our obligation, our happiness would be maximized.

    September 17, 2021 at 1:25 pm

    With the development of modern entertainment technology, people have access to a wide range of amusements (word choice error), such as computer games, virtual reality, short videos application (word choice error) on the cellphone, and so on, which didn’t exist in the past (put this earlier in the sentence and do not use contractions). Some people think that (delete) those things (too vague) have driven our attention away on (preposition error) our duties away (delete). To a large degree, I am consistent (word choice error) with this point of view.

     

    Above all, the availability of different amusement options has given us an abundance of temptation. Let us take the smartphone as an example. Every time a person feels bored, he would have the chance to seize his smartphone, which in many cases one would actually do it. Once they unlock their phone, they would enter a world full of short time happiness or conciliation. they browse their social media, watch video clips on youtube or TikTok. When they finally realize that they are way too far on distraction, maybe 30 minutes have already passed. This is only one electrical device, not to mention other entertainment with stronger impulse.

     

    Secondly, it is a fact that such dependence on modern devices has created a shapeless barrier in front of the thing we need to face because it is simply too easy to run away from one’s responsibility or real goal for a while. When this behavior becomes a habit, then a large part of one’s life is consumed. Although I have been trying very hard to avoid this thing from happening, by not installing games or short video apps on my smartphone, still, I spend over 4 hours every day on my cellphone.

     

    Therefore, I think we should distribute part of entertainment time to the thing we should do, such as career, study, and so on because those entertainments don’t bring us real happiness. Instead of dipping ourselves in meaningless amusement, one should rather choose activities which would make himself truly happy, such as reading a book, develop a hobby, or spend time with friends. Combining these kinds of things with our obligation, our happiness would be maximized.

    September 17, 2021 at 2:56 pm

    Partial Revision (please fix similar errors, revise whole essay, and resubmit)