People’s behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing People’s behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take.

  • Hubert
    University: Peking University
    Nationality: China
    February 23, 2021 at 4:44 pm

    People’s behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.

    Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

    People’s behavior, or their doing in various environment, can be deemed comprehensive phenomena decided by kinds of factors. We would not deny that external forces to some degree influence human being, but it is not sensible to neglect other things, especially inner desires and dreams. under objective conditions which have to be considered, people can also inspire themselves to move on to finish their trek to life-attainment. Both exaggerating and belittling of objective forces are not suitable.

    People’s behavior can be partly seen as reactions to the environment, which undergirds the working-space. Any behaviors must be processed in substantial requirements and relationships with others, which will influence the tactics and style of those behaviors, like the army marshal calculates ammo and troops before battlement. In human history, we would always see that results of fighting incidents would be largely depended by sustaining system which accords with the statement and ascertains the crucial role of provisions. We would also draw the same conclusion from the overall reaching levels of kids positively correlated with their family wealth, that offers guidance and nutrition. But it would be unscrupulous to say that, the objective things thoroughly determine the destiny.

    Among the factors, there are psychological factors influencing human’s behaviors too. Along our child-educated period, we have been taught a lot of inspring stories, in which tales strive to overcome the predicament and quandaries to achieve their dream, resulting a grand contribution and superlative self-fulfilling, e.g. Issac Newton, born from an ordinary social status and kens, contributes to both developments of physical science and industrial production, not only as the fabulous flair, but also sedulity, which largely comes from his inner forces. His life track would have been heritage of the farmland from his father, but choose to work hard to vanquish sophisticated knowledge and create new ones. The portion of Newtons was absolutely not low in all luminati, then we can find the extraodinary effects sprouted from inner forces.

    As a comprehensive phenomenon, the behaviors of human would be engendered by a pastiche of factors. But it would not be ideal to just divided into subjective and objective parts as the straites of zmbera, or even seen as antithesis. Just like the chaos system in astrological physics, components in the behavior-inducing-amalgamate would have complicated links and interacts with each other.  Child dreams or inspirations would probably come from either endowment or education from parents, or both. Then, it is hard to winnow single significant cause for their inner forces. In the BBC documents investigating several children’s life paths, we can also find that different attainments have been fulfilled by kids despite the similar poor status.

    As has been stressed above, under the condition that forces not of their own making has been conducive, we should not judge it as the only factor in this behavior-generating process. And when we dig into behaviors, we should pay more attention to its idiosyncracy, specifics and inner links to get intact conclusion. And we would also believe the justification: we must abandon the determinism and inspire kids to achieve bright futures, which may help reshape our destiny as human-beings.

    Hubert
    University: Peking University
    Nationality: China
    February 23, 2021 at 4:47 pm

    I am sorry to having sent oringinal version with typo, the latter one has been corrected, which is more suitable for Pro’s work.

     

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 23, 2021 at 9:05 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 65% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.