Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • Ssssshan
    University: 北京建筑大学
    Nationality: China
    March 22, 2021 at 12:00 pm

    Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    In this period of rapid development in today’s society, there is a growing trend that more and more children are addicted to playing computer games. When facing the dilemma between computer games is a waste of time or not, everyone has his own personal opinion. As far as I see, computer games are definitely something that does more harm than good.

    To begin with, a computer is a thing which can emit radiation. As children are still at the growing time, radiation can lead to some diseases. I’m an example of that. When I was studying in primary school, I liked to play computer games as my only entertainment. I didn’t go out and didn’t even get tired. I played on the computer day and night. And finally, my eyes have become highly short-sighted and I have to wear glasses for my entire life. It makes my life inconvenient. All this  happened because I played computer games when I was young.

    Additionally, the less time we spend playing video games, the more chances we have to go out and meet more friends. If we can stop playing it, we will realize that we can have a relaxing time not only at home but also outside. When we started going outside, we already got a high chance to have a relationship with others. During the process of playing with new friends, we can learn some useful interpersonal skills or personality.

    Last but not the least, playing computer games is addictive for most people that always want to play it instead of studying. It will get a low efficiency in children’s childhood. But if we can get away from computer games, children can pay more attention to study and learn plenty of useful knowledge. My brother, for example, wasn’t playing computer games for his whole childhood. Now, he is a successful person in the business community.

    To conclude, for what have been discussed above, I insist that children should not be allowed to play with them.

    March 22, 2021 at 9:06 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Most sentences are wordy and unclear.
    2. Lots of grammatical errors.
    3. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision ).

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    March 22, 2021 at 9:07 pm

    In this period of rapid development in today’s [ rapidly developing  ]society, there is a growing trend that more and more children are [ becoming  ]addicted to playing computer games. (When facing the dilemma between computer games is a waste of time or not,)[unclear   ] everyone has his own personal opinion[ Zero-conditional  ]. As far as I see[ wrong phrase  ], computer games are definitely something that does [ do  ]more harm than good.

    March 22, 2021 at 9:10 pm

    Partial Revision [All sentences are problematic.]