In many countries, prison is the most common solution to the problem of crime. However, another effective way is to provide people with a better education so that they cannot become criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing In many countries, prison is the most common solution to the problem of crime. However, another effective way is to provide people with a better education so that they cannot become criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • Vera
    University: Northeast University
    Nationality: China
    May 18, 2020 at 1:45 am

    In many countries, prison is the most common solution to the problem of crime. However, another effective way is to provide people with a better education so that they cannot become criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    The prison is the main measure to reduce crimes in many countries. However, some people think that providing better education is an effective way to decrease crime rates. Personally, I basically agree that education is a solution to the problem of crime, although it does not complete prevent the occurrence of criminal incidents.

    There are many criminal activities happening partly because of economic problems. Better education helps citizens acquire practical skills and gain professional knowledge. They can use what they learned to find jobs and therefore they can have a stable incomes. Thus, they can afford their daily demands and they hence are less likely to commit crimes. In this way, they can integrate into society and start a normal life. And in the same time, during recieving education, people will learn various knowledge from more aspects, so it is more possible that they can find what they are interested in and accociate with people who have the same interests as them. What’s more, better education can teach citizens laws and rules, so they will have a good understanding of what they can do and what they are not allowed to do. In this way, social crime rates will decrease.

    However, there are many criminals caught with high degree. They continue to be involoved in such punishable criminal offences, although they already have immense knowledge about the seriousness of the offence and the punishment associated with it. This means that even if almost every educational system in the world has a curriculum that teaches the basic values needed to be a good citizen, this does not really change the mentally of offenders. Therefore, it is necessary to be sentenced to imprisonment and other penalties.

    In conclusion, although giving better education has limitation, it is also a solution to reduce crime rates.

     

     

    May 18, 2020 at 10:59 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Remove redundant words/phrases in a sentence. i.e. Personally, I agree…/I agree….
    4. Check if each word makes sense logically. i.e. “The prison is the main measure to reduce crimes in many countries.” Here, Measure is a way to get something done; Prison is not a measure; Imprisonment is the measure.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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