Prison or providing education is the solution for the problem of crime.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Prison or providing education is the solution for the problem of crime.

  • iiitsmepzy
    University: 中国海洋大学
    Nationality: 中国
    April 4, 2019 at 9:51 am

    Topics:
    In most countries, prison is the most common solution for the problem of crime. However, the more effective solution is to provide people with better education so that they do not become criminals. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

    It is true that prison is a compulsive and punitive measure to solve the problem of crime in majority of countries around the world. In this day and age, providing people with education of higher quality is a new trend to decrease the people’s crime in society. I generally agree with both solutions, but I prefer the latter. Presented blow are several factors that account for these two solutions and the connection of them.

    In my opinions, prison is the indispensable but effective solution for the problem of crime. The criminal law constrains the citizens who do not commit a crime easily. As is well know, prison is a system which has the ways of punishment by imprison person in several years and labor reform. The criminals have been managed rigorously because of the rigidly schedule and reform through labor such as washing clothes. Also, there are psychological tests, tutoring and treatment in jail. The experience of the long time in prison brings about various bad sides which one of them causes that the prisoners lose their ability to be in social life.

    Although governments carry out the strict and thorough system of prison, there is no guarantee that criminals who have completed his term of imprisonment will be able to crime again.

    So, providing criminals with better education is an effective solution to reduce the second crime. There is a program called BPI in New York recruits people who is the prisoners coming from 6 prisons in New York in speciality. The criminals, graduated from here, some went to Yale University as professors, and some beat the debate team of Harvard. Max, the founder of the project, considers that education is the real key to freedom for the people who are during their term of imprisonment. To provide better education to prisoners so that they can support themselves when they return to society, and they can also gain the same respect as ordinary people.

    April 4, 2019 at 9:09 pm

    Hi, please rewrite (within 300 words) and re-submit your essay based on the following recommendations.

    Regards,

    Lin Qiu

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    Problems (1)

    Sentence length: 40% of the sentences contain more than 20 words, which is more than the recommended maximum of 25%. Try to shorten the sentences.

    Improvements (1)

    The copy scores 52.6 in the test, which is considered VERY difficult to read. Try to make shorter sentences to improve readability.

    Good results (4)

    Passive voice: You’re using enough active voice. That’s great!

    Consecutive sentences: There is enough variety in your sentences. That’s great!

    Paragraph length: None of the paragraphs are too long. Great job!

    Transition words: Well done!

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