Recently some students need to arrive at school early in the morning. Some people think that starting school day early is a good approach to support learning, while others think it should be a better idea for students to attend school at a later time. What do you think and why?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Recently some students need to arrive at school early in the morning. Some people think that starting school day early is a good approach to support learning, while others think it should be a better idea for students to attend school at a later time. What do you think and why?

  • xrm618
    University: BeijingForestryUniversity
    Nationality: China
    August 24, 2019 at 12:52 am

    TOEFL Writing Topic: Recently some students need to arrive at school early in the morning. Some people think that starting school day early is a good approach to support learning, while others think it should be a better idea for students to attend school at a later time. What do you think and why?

    While many schools adopting a tight schedule with a early start hour for a school day,some schools tend to support learners with a lighter morning schedule by employing a later start time.In my opinion,I think it’s a good idea to start the school day at a later time.

    For one thing,attending school later in the morning prevent students from being absent-minded at school.Since more time available for sleep or a lighter schedule before school enable students to be mentally and physically prepared for the school day,students are more likely to highly concentrate on the instructions at the classroom.Admittedly,having a rush hour right out of bed for school or getting up very early in the morning make the most of the time in the morning,making students conceiving themselves as diligent-learners,in fact,their moods and energy require time to transfer into fully willingness for knowledge and new abilities,thereby there would be time wasted on trying to get concentrated.In a word,having a later school check-in hour enhance students’ learning efficiency.

    Another crucial perspective we should not overlook is that the traffic jam is of high frequency early in the morning.During rush hours,usually between 7 to 8 AM,influx of commuters congests the traffic system,leading to super density of crowds,pedestrians,as well as vehicles on the street,as a result,students have to spend much more time on the way.To deal with the stationary of transportation,students may have to get up even earlier,since the extra trunks of morning time spent on the road have to be compensated by the deprivation of sleep hours.In stark contrast,a later start for a school day relieves students’ anxiety for being stuck on the road and being late for school with the clearer traffic after the busiest hours.In addition, less morning time would be wasted on the traffic jam.After that,a more-efficient learning day begins.

    In a word,let’s jump out of the box of the traditional saying of”early to rise makes Jack healthy,wealthy,and wise”,evidently,a student can perform his best learning efficiency with a easy morning,rather than suffering from unnecessary time on awakening themselves and on being stuck on the road.

    August 24, 2019 at 2:31 am

    Score: Ungraded

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

     

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

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    WritersForMe Writing Tips

    1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
    2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
    3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
    4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
    5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
    6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
    7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
    8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
    9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
    10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
    11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
    12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
    13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
    14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
    15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
    16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
    17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
    18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

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