Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › IELTS Writing › Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

  • ShippersForMe Participant
    Dean
    University: Shanghai University of Finance and Economics
    Nationality: China
    June 25, 2020 at 7:41 am

    Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

    Which is the most important factor effecting our traits and improvement is always a heated discussion. Some people hold the opinion that innate peculiarities make more sense while others attach more importance to experience. My view is that what happened in one’s life play a more significant role in his character-building and development.

    Studying is an essential way to improve ourselves, which is likely to take place in our daily life. This means we are reconstructed by going through and thinking about something. In this process, the characteristics we are born with determine the starting point, but through learning from life consistently, we are also able to be mature and successful.

    Moreover, some innate factors  seem not to be unchangeable. If you used to blame your failure to these objective conditions, you will be negative and unwilling to make every effort. Instead, knowing what your shortages are then trying to make a difference, you will catch up with or even exceed other people. For example, in the movie named “THE KING’S SPEACH”, the king speaking with stutter accomplished a crucial speech with his effort and the help of his coach.

    Of course, it doesn’t mean that the innate traits don’t have influence on ourselves and what we do. In some fields which are highly professional and unique, success depends on your talent. Considering of the inevitability of this phenomenon, we’d better focus on the experience and study from life. After all, not everyone is extremely gifted and not everyone is good-for-nothing.

    In fact, these two factors are not contradictory. What we are supposed to do is to understand our innate traits deeply and study hard from surroundings in the proper fields we choose.

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    June 25, 2020 at 9:24 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Remove cliches with your own writing (your own ideas). i.e. the first sentence.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    ShippersForMe Participant
    Dean
    University: Shanghai University of Finance and Economics
    Nationality: China
    June 27, 2020 at 3:21 am

    There is a heated discussion about the influence factors of one’s growth. Some people hold the opinion that inborn peculiarities make more sense, while others attach more importance to experience. My view is that different things happening in one’s life play a more significant role in his development .

    We study from life to make an improvement, which means that we are reshaped in the process of  going through and thinking about things. The characteristics we are born with determined the starting point, but through taking lessons from experience, we are also able to be mature and successful.

    Moreover, some innate factors are not unchangeable. If you are accustomed to blaming your failure to these objective conditions, you will be negative and unwilling to make every effort. Instead, knowing what your shortages are then trying to make a difference, you can catch up with or even exceed other people. For example, in the movie named THE KING’S SPEACH, the king speaking with stutter accomplished a crucial speech with his effort and the help of his coach. This is a compelling instance proving the acquired improvement of characteristics.

    Of course, it doesn’t mean the inborn traits don’t have influence on ourselves and what we do. In some fields which are highly professional and unique, success depends on our talent. Considering that this phenomenon is inevitable, we’d better focus on the experience and learn from life. After all, not everyone is extremely talented and not everyone is good-for-nothing.

    In fact, these two factors are not contradictory. We are supposed to know our gifts and study hard from surroundings in the proper field.

     

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    June 28, 2020 at 1:58 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    There is a heated discussion about the influence factors of one’s growth. Some people hold the opinion that inborn peculiarities make more sense, while others attach more importance to experience. My view is that different things happening in one’s life play a more significant role in his development .[ Rewrite it using your own language.  ]

    (We study from life)[unclear   ] to make an improvement, which means that we are reshaped in the process of going through and thinking about things. The characteristics we are born with determined the (starting point)[ unclear  ], but through taking lessons from experience, we are also able to be [become   ]mature and successful.

    Moreover, some innate factors are not unchangeable. If you [ shift of person/stick to the first person you used in the last paragraph  ]are [ grammatical error/subjunctive voice  ]accustomed to blaming your failure to these objective conditions, you will[ grammatical error  ] (be negative)[ unclear  ] and unwilling to make every effort. Instead, knowing what your shortages are then trying to make a difference, you can catch up with or even exceed/[ emulate  ] other people. For example, in the movie named THE KING’S SPEACH, the king speaking with stutter accomplished[/delivered   ] a crucial speech with his effort and the help of his coach. This is a compelling instance proving the (acquired improvement of characteristics)[ unclear  ].

    Of course, it doesn’t mean [ that  ]the inborn traits don’t have influence on ourselves and [ on  ]what we do. In some fields which are highly professional and unique[ fields  ], success depends on our talent. (Considering that this phenomenon is inevitable)[ unclear  ], we’d better focus on the experience (and learn from life)[ unclear  ]. After all, not everyone is extremely talented and not everyone is good-for-nothing.

    In fact, (these two factors)[ unclear/specify  ] are not contradictory. We are supposed to know our gifts and study hard from (surroundings in the proper field)[ unclear  ].