School should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing School should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful.

  • miaoshanlinxmu
    University: Xiamen University
    Nationality: Chinese
    September 2, 2019 at 12:22 am

    IELTS Writing Topic: School should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    It has been suggested that there is no necessity for schools to focus on disciplines like music and sports, since they are useless for work. While academic subjects are of course important, I agree with those who believe music and sports are as essential.

    Subjects as music and sports are able to play a disparate role in school leaver’s future career. On the one hand, what they learned from these subjects may offer more chances in their future work. An interviewee with excellent sports skills or musical talent may attract a HR manager’s attention among various competitors and shared hobbies with unfamiliar clients can crack the hard nut of communication. On the other hand, music and sports are associated with hundreds hours of exercise which can help students develop the quantity of persistence, carefulness as well as confidence. Such characteristics, which will enable employees do better in their job, like long working time and hard paperwork, are highly praised by employers.

    In spite of this, schools do need to lay more emphasis on academic subjects in an era of fierce competition. The market economy system is rising higher requirements to select those top talents and the best visiting card for school leavers is their academic grades. Without excellent transcripts, they may fall behind at the starting line and lose the chance for getting their dream jobs.

    I believe that the main point is to make sure that young people are prepared for their future life. Schools must cultivate teenagers’ abilities from both academic subjects and others.

    September 3, 2019 at 9:56 pm

    Score: 61

    You need to convert passive sentences into their active counterparts and shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words. (Not all, but most).

    I will send you screenshots to demonstrate the problems/errors in relation to your essay.

    Regards,

    Lin Qiu

    miaoshanlinxmu
    University: Xiamen University
    Nationality: Chinese
    September 4, 2019 at 3:22 am

    Some people argue that it is unnecessary for schools to focus on disciplines like music and sports since they are useless for work. While academic subjects are of course important, I agree with those who believe musical and physical education are as essential.

    Subjects as music and sports could play a disparate role in school leaver’s future career. On the one hand, what they learned from these subjects may offer more chances in their future work. It may be much easier for an interviewees with excellent sports skills or musical talent to attract a human resources manager’s attention among various competitors. It is also true that shared hobbies with unfamiliar clients can crack the hard nut of communication. On the other hand, music and sports are associated with hundreds exercises which can help students develop the quantity of persistence, carefulness as well as confidence. Evidently, such characteristics enable employees to do better as they are requisite for long working hours and hard paperwork.

    In spite of this, schools do need to lay more emphasis on academic subjects in an era of fierce competition. Personal recruitment sets higher requirements to select top talents while the best visiting card for school leavers is their academic grades. Without excellent transcripts, they may appear less competitive and finally not getting hired by their ideal companies.

    I believe that the main point is to make sure that young people are ready for their future life. Schools must cultivate teenagers’ abilities from both academic subjects and others.

    September 5, 2019 at 3:16 am

    Score: 55

    Split/shorten sentences longer than 20 words.

    miaoshanlinxmu
    University: Xiamen University
    Nationality: Chinese
    September 7, 2019 at 12:38 am

    It has been suggested that disciplines, like music and sports, are underestimated since they are believed useless for work. While academic subjects are undeniably significant, I absolutely approve of that musical and physical education are as essential.

    It is no doubt that schools do need to lay more emphasis on academic subjects in an era when personal recruitment sets higher requirements to select top talents. Meanwhile, without excellent transcripts, school leavers may appear less competitive and finally not getting hired by their ideal companies. However, there is no evidence that studying other subjects at the same time will cause disadvantages.

    Subjects as music and sports could play a disparate role in school leaver’s future career. First and foremost, what they learned from these subjects may offer more chances in their future work. According to a recent poll, human resources manager’s attention are easier attracted by interviewees with excellent sports skills or musical talent among various competitors. Another identifiable case in point is that shared hobbies with unfamiliar clients can crack the hard nut of communication. Additionally, music and sports are associated with hundreds exercises which can help students develop the quantity of persistence, carefulness as well as confidence. It is commonly acknowledged that such characteristics lead to better performance as employees are requisite for long working hours and hard paperwork.

    In conclusion, I wholeheartedly believe that young people ought to be ready for their future life which needs schools cultivate teenagers’ abilities from both academic subjects and others.

    September 9, 2019 at 2:40 am

    Score: 41.7

    Most sentences exceed 20 words, so please split or shorten these sentences. Additionally, you need to convert passive sentences into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate errors/problems in relation to your essay.

    Regards,

    Lin Qiu

    miaoshanlinxmu
    University: Xiamen University
    Nationality: Chinese
    September 26, 2019 at 2:17 pm

    Some believe that it is unnecessary for schools to focus on non-scholar disciplines since they are useless for work. While academic subjects are of course important, I agree with those who believe musical and physical education are as essential.

    It is true that schools do need to lay emphasis on academic subjects in an era of fierce competition. To keep position in the competition, employers prefer to select better talents than ever before. But for school leavers, the only solid certificate is their academic grades. They may appear less competitive without good grades. If so, they might lose the chance and finally not getting hired by their ideal companies.

    By contrary, subjects as music and sports could play a disparate role in school leaver’s future career. On the one hand, what they learned from these subjects may offer more chances in their future work. It may be easier for an interviewee with excellent sports skills or musical talent to appear unique among various competitors. Also, shared hobbies with unfamiliar clients can crack the hard nut of communication. On the other hand, music and sports are associated with hundreds of hours of exercises which can help students develop valuable quantities. Such characteristics enable employees to do better when they are requisite for long working hours and hard paperwork.

    I believe that the main point is to make sure that young people are ready for their future life. Schools must cultivate teenagers’ abilities from both academic subjects and others.

    October 9, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    It appears I forgot to revise your essay. I will do it shortly.

     

    October 10, 2019 at 1:38 am

    IELTS Writing Topic: School should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    Score: 59.7

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate problems/issues concerning your essay.

    miaoshanlinxmu
    University: Xiamen University
    Nationality: Chinese
    October 13, 2019 at 1:21 pm

    Some believe that schools do not have to focus on non-scholar disciplines since they are useless for work. While academic subjects are, of course, important, I agree with those who believe musical and physical education appear as essential.

    There is nothing wrong for schools to concentrate on academic subjects in an era of fierce competition. To keep their position in the match, employers prefer to select better talents than ever before. But for school leavers, the only certificate to rely on is their academic grades. They may appear less competitive without good grades. If so, they might lose the chance and finally not getting hired by their ideal companies.

    By contrast, subjects as music and sports could play a distinctive role in school leaver’s future career. On the one hand, what they learned from these subjects may offer more chances in their future work. It may be easier for an interviewee with excellent sports skills or musical talent to show uniqueness among various competitors. Also, shared hobbies with unfamiliar clients can crack the hard nut of communication. On the other hand, doing music and sports means hundreds of hours of exercise, which can help students develop valuable quantities. Such characteristics enable employees to do better when they are requisite for long working hours and hard paperwork.

    I believe that the main point is to make sure that young people are ready for their future life. Schools must cultivate teenagers’ abilities from both academic subjects and others.

    October 14, 2019 at 9:57 pm

    Score: 63

    Some believe that schools do not have to focus on non-scholarly disciplines since they many of these subjects are/remain useless for work. While academic subjects are, of course, certainly important, I agree with those who believe that musical and physical education appears as essential.

    There is nothing wrong for schools to concentrate on academic subjects in an era of fierce competition. To keep their position in the match, employers prefer tend to select better talents than ever before. But for school leavers, the only certificate? to rely on is their students’ academic grades. They The students may appear less competitive without good grades. If so, they might lose the chance and finally not getting to get hired by their ideal companies.

    By contrast, subjects such as music and sports could play a distinctive role in school leaver’s students’ future career. On the one hand, what they learned learn from these subjects may offer more chances in their future work. It may be easier for an interviewee with excellent sports skills or musical talents to show uniqueness among various competitors. Also, sharing shared hobbies with unfamiliar clients can crack the hard nut barriers of communication. On the other hand, doing music and sports means hundreds of hours of exercise, which can help students develop valuable quantities. Such characteristics enable employees to do/perform better when they are requisite required/expected for long working hours and hard paperwork.

    I believe that the main point is to make sure that young people are ready for their future lives life. Schools must cultivate teenagers’ abilities from both academic subjects and others.

Tagged: