In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

  • Ronnie
    University: North China University of Water Resources and Electric Power
    Nationality: China
    July 5, 2020 at 7:39 am

    In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

    In today’s world, different countries have different educational systems. In some countries, secondary schools impart knowledge of various fields whereas in others, schools only concentrate on teaching only selected subjects related to a certain sphere of education. But which is more suitable for students nowadays? In my opinion, studying a narrow range of subjects will help them to be more competent under current circumstance.

    Today more and more emphases are placed on achieving higher scores regardless of whether students will find use of these subjects in the future. This leads to a lack of in depth understanding of any one particular field. Students will only gain an elementary grasp of knowledge graduating from school and realizing they lack in skills in dealing with relatively sophisticated problems when they enter in workplace. In contrast, students only studying a narrow set of courses will be more competent as they have been expertise in their fields over the practicing of many years. As the saying goes ‘jack of all trades, master of none. So, to be in line with the current world better, students should specialize on particular courses during secondary schools.

    It is helpful for students to achieve the most of themselves by selecting a particular set of curriculums to study during high school. It is a common phenomenon that a lot of students are overwhelmed and stressed by the overload tasks schools give to them; eventually they burn out and then lost the interests in studying at all. However, if they are allowed to select the courses they are interested in and expertise at, they are more like to succeed in corresponding fields and can leave more time to off-school activities, such as to blossom socially.

    In conclusion, I firmly hold the belief that secondary schools should provide student with focused curriculums directly to their future careers as today’s world requires men who are competent in a specific area instead of just jack of all trades, mater of none.

    July 6, 2020 at 11:03 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 55% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Ronnie
    University: North China University of Water Resources and Electric Power
    Nationality: China
    July 7, 2020 at 3:33 pm

    In today’s world, different countries have different educational systems. In some states, secondary schools impart knowledge of various fields whereas, in others, schools only concentrate on teaching selected subjects related to a special sphere of careers. But which is more suitable for students nowadays? In my opinion, studying a narrow range of courses will help them to be more competent under the current circumstances.

    Today more and more emphasis is placed on achieving higher scores regardless of whether students will find uses of these subjects in the future. This may lead to a lack of in-depth understanding of any one particular field. When they graduate from schools and enter in the workplaces they perhaps will find that they lack in skills in dealing with relatively complex problems. In contrast, students who only study a narrow set of courses will be more competent as they have been expert in their fields over the practicing of many years. So, to be in line with the current world better, students should specialize on particular courses during secondary schools.

    It is helpful for students to achieve the most of themselves by selecting a particular set of curriculums to study during high school. It is a common phenomenon that a lot of students are overwhelmed and stressed by the overload tasks schools give to them; eventually they may burn out and then lose interest in studying at all. However, if they are allowed to select the courses they are interested in and adept at, they are more like to succeed in corresponding fields.

    In conclusion, I firmly hold the belief that secondary schools should provide students with focused curriculums directly to their future careers. This is because today’s world requires people who are competent in a specific area instead of jack of all trades, mater of none.

    July 8, 2020 at 11:39 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Ronnie
    University: North China University of Water Resources and Electric Power
    Nationality: China
    July 9, 2020 at 8:01 am

    Many people question if it is better for schools to provide students with broad and general education rather than a narrower vocationally specialized education. In my opinion, studying a narrow range of subjects will help them to be more competent under current circumstances.

    Today many secondary schools open a plural of subjects to students regardless of whether they will find uses of these subjects in the future. This may lead to a lack of in-depth understanding of any specific field. For instance, these students may find it is different to do a high-quality job when they are in work.

    In contrast, students who study vocationally will be more competent. This is because there is a limited energy to people and these students put all of it into one field. And, this is more consistent with the development of the current world so they definitely can meet the needs of the society.

    It is deniable that nowadays an increasing number of students are suffering depression. To ease this problem, secondary schools should reduce some unnecessary courses. This could help students balance their study and work and they will have more opportunities to take part in off-school activities. By doing this, they can receive more all-rounded development which is both good for their mental and physical. This is exactly what all people would like to see in today’s world.

    In conclusion, I firmly hold the belief that secondary schools should provide students with focused curriculums directly to their future careers. This is because today’s world requires people who are competent in a specific area instead of jack of all trades, mater of none

    July 11, 2020 at 2:42 am

    Many people question if it is better for schools to provide students with broad and general education rather than a narrower vocationally specialized education[ repetition]. In my opinion, studying a narrow range of subjects will help them[unclear pronoun ] to be[ dull BE verb] more competent under current circumstances.

    Today many secondary schools open a plural of subjects to students regardless of (whether they will find uses of these subjects in the future)[ wordy]. This[unclear pronoun ] may lead to a lack of in-depth understanding of any specific field. For instance, these[unclear pronoun ] students may find it is[ grammatical error] different to do a high-quality job when they are in[preposition error ] work.

    In contrast, students who study vocationally[unclear ] will be more competent. This is because (there is a limited energy to people)[unclear/wordy ] and these[unclear pronoun ] students put all of it[unclear pronoun ] into one field. And[ coordination word/punctuation error], this [unclear pronoun ]is more consistent with the development of the current world [ punctuation error with coordinating word]so they[unclear pronoun ] definitely can meet the needs of the society.

    It is deniable[ spelling error] that nowadays an increasing number of students are suffering depression. To ease this problem, secondary schools should (reduce some unnecessary courses)[logically unclear ]. This[ unclear pronoun] could help students balance their study and work [ punctuation error with coordinating word]and they will have more opportunities to take part in off-school activities. By doing this, they can receive more[redundant/lack a comparison ] all-rounded development which is both good for (their mental and physical)[grammatical error ]. This[unclear pronoun ] is exactly what (all people would like to see)[absolute statement ] in today’s world.

    In conclusion, I firmly hold the belief that secondary schools should provide students with focused curriculums (directly to)[confusing ] their future careers. This[ unclear pronoun] is because today’s world requires people who are competent[repetition ] in a specific area instead of (jack of all trades)[ spelling], mater of none[unclear ]

    Ronnie
    University: North China University of Water Resources and Electric Power
    Nationality: China
    July 14, 2020 at 3:26 pm

    Opinions differ as to whether school should provide a general, broad education, instead of a narrower vocationally specialized one. In my opinion, I believe that students can benefit the most under the current circumstance from choose the latter.

    Today many secondary schools open a plural of subjects to students regardless of whether they are practical or not. This educational system will disperse student’s concentration, making them cannot build an in-depth understanding on any particular field. When they apply for a job, a common phenomenon is that they are rejected or cannot work in the company they are dreaming for due to not qualified enough. It is better for school to cultivate students on the basis of their strengths and aptitude.

    A healthy body is equal to a smart head for people to survive in current fiercely competitive world. is undeniable that nowadays an increasing number of students are suffering depression and other chronic diseases as a result a heavy task from schools. To ease this problem, secondary schools should reduce some unnecessary courses. This could help students balance their lives between study and entertainments. Recreational activities serve as a stress relievers and are also a way for students to recharge their batteries and refresh them. In long – term view, students under this environment will see an all – rounded development, both for their mindsets and physical bodies.

    In conclusion, I firmly believe that secondary school students should receive a particular set of curriculums according to their interests and strengths. And, schools should not put too much stress on student’s shoulders over the period of their growth.

    July 15, 2020 at 3:32 pm

    Score: 53.4

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Reduce this percentage to -15% by shortening/splitting lengthy sentences. 
    2. There are lots of grammatical errors. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.