Some parents forbid young children from owning smartphones, while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch.
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May 24, 2019 at 10:22 am
Essay Topic: Some parents forbid young children from owning smartphones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?
I think parents should frobid young children from owning smart phones, because smart phones does harm young children. (not sure what is the formatting here) First of all, smart phones does not keep their children in touch, but in fact doing the opposite. While children today might heavily depend on their smart phones for reaching to their friends, smart phones also pull them away from real friends that already existed in their life. Children get used to texting, rather than talking to people face to face. This kind of real life interactions are replaced and diminished by smart phones, and it strays children away from real people and real interaction, while they are more comfortable in their own digital world. Even while children are physically with their friends, they might be busy with their smart phones. This effect of absent in presence, not only lower real life interaction, but also generates lonliness in long term, too.
Second, the addictive nature of smart phones would suck up most of the time of children, which will harm the children. Children sticking with their phones are not always because they want them, but sometimes because they could not quit them. Phone as an addictive product means they make users not spending time meaningfully, while users are fed up with too much meaningless contents. This takes away the time which children could done more meaningful things, such as learning, and children with smartphone usually end up constantly running out of time doing important tasks.
I do agree with parents forbidding their children from owning smart phones, for the harm of using smart phone is significant. It pull children away from connection with real people which leads to lonliness, and it also takes up too much meaningful time that children could have better spend of.
May 24, 2019 at 2:07 pmHi, can you add my WeChat account ‘ivyqiulin’? Thank you.
May 28, 2019 at 10:45 pmScore: 74.4
Suggestions for Improvement
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
- Restrict each paragraph within 85 words;
- Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts.
Problems Highlight
I think parents should frobid [spelling error]young children from owning smart phones[spelling error], because smart phones [spelling error]does [Grammatical error] harm young children. First of all, smart phones [spelling error]does not keep their children in touch, but in fact doing the opposite. While children today might heavily depend on their smart phones [spelling error]for reaching to their friends, smart phones [spelling error]also pull them away from real friends that already existed in their life. [verbose]Children get used to texting, rather than talking to people face to face. This kind of real life [Conventions Issue] interactions are replaced [Passive]and diminished by smart phones [spelling error] , and it strays children away from real people and real interaction, while they are more comfortable in their own digital world.[verbose] Even while children are physically [Problematic Adverb]with their friends, they might be busy with their smart phones[spelling error]. This effect of absent in presence, not only lower real life [Conventions Issue]interaction, but also generates lonliness [spelling error]in[article error] long term, too.
Second, the addictive nature of smart phones [spelling error]would suck up most of the time of children, which will harm the children. Children sticking with their phones are not always because they want them, but sometimes because they could not quit them. Phone as an addictive product means they make users not spending time meaningfully, while users are fed [Passive]up with too much meaningless contents.[verbose/grammatical error] This takes away the time which children could done [Grammatical Error]more meaningful things, such as learning, and children with smart phone [spelling error]usually end up constantly running out of time doing important tasks.[verbose]
I do agree with parents forbidding their children from owning smart phones[spelling error], for the harm of using smart phone[spelling error] is significant. It pull [Grammatical Error] children away from connection [Grammatical Error]with real people which leads to lonliness [spelling error], and it also takes up too much meaningful time that children could have better spend of.[verbose and ending a sentence with preposition]
Comment: There are more problems than those highlighted ones. Please rewrite and resubmit your essay.
May 29, 2019 at 2:54 amPlease add my WeChat account. Thank you!
Lin Qiu
