Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate only those subjects that they find interesting. Discuss both the views and provide your opinion.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate only those subjects that they find interesting. Discuss both the views and provide your opinion.

  • Shi Yan
    University: 南开大学
    Nationality: 中国
    May 16, 2019 at 2:26 am

    Teenagers study a broad range of academic subjects in preparation for the college entrance exam.

    Essay Topic: Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate only those subjects that they find interesting. Discuss both the views and provide your opinion.

    Although teenagers today have to learn many school subjects, it is undeniable that they are good at only one or two of them and interested in some of them. In my opinion, learning all school subjects is beneficial for their further study in their favorite or best subject,nevertheless, they should pay more attention to developing their favorite or best subject when they have a clear direction.

    Obviously, the educational system is based on learning all subjects since teenagers may not fully understand what is important to them for their further development and where their interest lies in. So from our own experience, we can find plenty of evidence to support the view that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects so that they could find their favorite subject and get prepared for their career in the future.

    However, some people believe that certain subjects that teenagers are fond of or good at are what differentiates teenagers from their peers as they perform very well in those subjects. There is more to developing their abilities in their favorite subjects than to knowing every subject for a little bit. No matter how intellectual teenagers are, they are less likely to master all skills in all subjects.

    I personally think that everyone should have the courage to concentrate on all school subjects as they should all have to pass the the final examination in order to get their degrees. But as teenagers grow up from a student of primary school, they had better realize what their interest lies in, not just what subject they are good at, so they could conduct deeper learning that they are likely to prepare for their future career earlier. Actually, the two concentrations are not mutually exclusive. Without concentration on your favorite subject, you might just learn some knowledge which is no use for your future development, and without realizing the importance of other subjects, you might can’t conduct deeper learning with too lopsided knowledge.

    In a nutshell, all subjects deserve concentration, and we should borne in mind that when you have a clear goal, you are bond to pay more attention to developing your favorite or best subject so that you could have a promising future.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 17, 2019 at 3:35 am

    Score: 53.1

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Shorten your essay to 320 words;
    2. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    3. Convert passive-voice sentences into their active counterparts.

    Problem Highlight

    Although teenagers today have to learn many school subjects, it is undeniable that they are good at only one or two of them and interested in some of them. In my opinion, learning all school subjects is beneficial for their further study in their favorite or best subject,[Punctuation Error]nevertheless, they should pay more attention to developing their favorite or best subject when they have a clear direction.

    Obviously, the educational system is based [passive voice] on learning all subjects since teenagers may not fully understand what is important to them for their further development and where their interest lies in. So from our own experience, we can find plenty of evidence to support the view that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects so that they could find their favorite subject and get prepared for their career in the future.

    However, some people believe that certain subjects that teenagers are fond of or good at are what differentiates teenagers from their peers as they perform very well in those subjects. There is more to developing their abilities in their favorite subjects than to knowing every subject for a little bit. No matter how intellectual teenagers are, they are less likely to master all skills in all subjects.

    I personally [Unnecessary Adverb]think that everyone should have the courage to concentrate on all school subjects as they should all have to pass the the[repetition] final examination in order to get their degrees. But as teenagers grow up from a student of primary school, they had better realize what their interest lies in, not just [Unnecessary Adverb]what subject they are good at, so they could conduct deeper learning that they are likely to prepare for their future career earlier. Actually,[Unnecessry Adverb] the two concentrations are not mutually exclusive. Without concentration on your favorite subject, you might just [Unnecessary Adverb]learn some knowledge which is no use for your future development, and without realizing the importance of other subjects, you might can’t conduct deeper learning with too lopsided knowledge.

    In a nutshell, all subjects deserve concentration, and we should borne [grammatical error] in mind that when you have a clear goal, you are bond [spelling error] to pay more attention to developing your favorite or best subject so that you could have a promising future.

    Comment: There are more issues than those highlighted ones. I will work on them once you submit your revised essay. 

    Shi Yan
    University: 南开大学
    Nationality: 中国
    May 17, 2019 at 4:22 am

    Although teenagers today have to learn many school subjects, it is undeniable that they are good at only one or two of them and interested in some of them. In my opinion, learning all school subjects is beneficial. Nevertheless, they should pay more attention to developing their favorite or best subject when they have a clear direction.

    Obviously, for the educational system, there are full-scale subjects to learn since teenagers may not fully understand where their interest lies in. So from our own experience, we can find plenty of evidence to support the view that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects so that they could find their favorite subject, then get prepared for their career in the future.

    However, some people believe that certain subjects teenagers are fond of or good at are what differentiates them from their peers, as they perform very well in those subjects. There is more to developing their abilities in their favorite subjects than to knowing every subject for a little bit. No matter how intellectual teenagers are, they are less likely to master all skills in all subjects.

    I think that everyone should have the courage to concentrate on all school subjects as they should all have to pass the final examination in order to get their degrees. But as teenagers grow up, they had better realize what their interest lies in, so they could conduct deeper learning. The two concentrations are not mutually exclusive. Without concentration on your favorite subject, you might learn some knowledge which is no use for your future development, and without realizing the importance of other subjects, you might can’t conduct deeper learning with too lopsided knowledge.

    In a nutshell, all subjects deserve concentration. When you have a clear goal, you are bound to pay more attention to developing your favorite or best subject so that you could have a promising future.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 18, 2019 at 4:31 pm

    Score: 61.2

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    2. Convert passive-voice sentences into their active counterparts.

    Issues Highlight

    Although teenagers today have to learn many school subjects, it is undeniable that they are good at only one or two of them and interested in some of them. [Verbose] In my opinion, learning all school subjects is beneficial[logically incomplete]. Nevertheless, they [Unclear Preposition (use noun phrase instead)]should pay more attention to developing their favorite [Non-British spelling]or best subject when they have a clear direction. [Verbose]

    Obviously, for the educational system, there are full-scale subjects to learn since teenagers may not fully understand where their interest lies in[Ending a sentence with a preposition]. [Verbose] So from our own experience[Redundant], we can find plenty of evidence to support the view that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects so that they could find their favorite [Non-British spelling/repetition]subject [Repetition], then get prepared for their career (in the future)[Logical ambiguity].[Verbose]

    However, some people believe that certain subjects teenagers are fond of or good at are what differentiates them from their peers, as they perform very well in those subjects. [Verbose]There [Using THERE as Subject] is more to developing their abilities in their favorite [Non-British spelling/repetition]subjects than to knowing every subject [Repetition]for a little bit. No matter how intellectual [Incorrect word choice]teenagers are, they are less likely to master all skills in all subjects.[Repetition]

    I think that everyone should have the courage to concentrate on all school subjects as they should all have to pass the final examination in order to get their degrees. [Verbose]But as teenagers grow up, they had better realize what their interest lies in[Grammatical Error], so they could conduct deeper learning. The two concentrations are not mutually exclusive. Without concentration on your [Inconsistency in Person]favorite [Non-British spelling/repetition]subject, you[Inconsistency in Person] might learn some knowledge which is no use for your [Inconsistency in Person]future development, and without realizing the importance of other subjects[Repetition], you[Inconsistency in Person] might can’t [Grammatical Error]conduct deeper learning with too lopsided knowledge.[Verbose]

    In a nutshell[Uncomommon phrase], all subjects deserve concentration[Logical Incompleteness]. When you [Inconsistency in Person]  have a clear goal, you [Inconsistency in Person] are bound to pay more attention to developing your[Inconsistency in Person] favorite [Non-British spelling/repetition]or best subject[Repetition] so that you[Inconsistency in Person] could have a promising future.

    Shi Yan
    University: 南开大学
    Nationality: 中国
    May 26, 2019 at 9:26 am

    Although teenagers today have to learn many school subjects, it is undeniable that they are good at only one or two of them and interested in some of them. In my opinion, learning all school subjects is beneficial because this kind of education can help students gain knowledge in multiple areas. Nevertheless, I would say that student’s interest and well-rounded training are equally important.

    Obviously, for the educational system, there are full-scale subjects to learn since teenagers may not fully understand where their interest lies in, a well-rounded education can help them gain knowledge in multiple areas. If students choose to learn the subjects they are interested in but ignore others, they are more likely to fail in connecting with other fields. For example, if they only learn science and ignore languages, they may find it hard to understand some publications in other languages. As learning a language will assist them to learn the original ideas rather than the translated versions which may be inaccurate.

    However, there are concerns that teenagers have limited energy and if they only learn what they like, this can enhance their confidence in studying. No matter how talented teenagers are, they are less likely to master all skills in all subjects. The sense of achievement further encourages them to be experts in a specific field, like engineering.

    I think that everyone should have the courage to concentrate on all school subjects as they should all have to pass the final examination in order to get their degrees. But as teenagers grow up, they had better realize what their interest lies in, so they could conduct deeper learning. The two concentrations are not mutually exclusive. Without concentration on their favorite subject, they might have difficulty achieving better academic performance, and without realizing the importance of other subjects, they might find it difficult conducting deeper learning with too lopsided knowledge.

    In a word, when students have a clear goal, they are bound to pay more attention to developing their favorite or best subject, meanwhile, a well-rounded training is also important since it can help them gain knowledge in multiple areas. We should take both factors into consideration when making the curriculum.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 30, 2019 at 3:32 pm

    Score: 55

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    2. Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts.

    Revise your essay and resubmit it.

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