Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food ,clothes and entertainment)is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food ,clothes and entertainment)is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about

  • jennie123
    University: Zhejiang University
    Nationality: China
    January 4, 2021 at 3:06 am

    Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food ,clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about everyday matters.

    People have different view about whether children should make decisions on their own or make everyday decisions by their parents. Personally speaking, I think the second view that making decisions on children’s own is more desirable than making decisions by their parents.

    For the first view, some people think they should help their children when they make daily decisions, I think it is mainly because parents think they could take advantage of the time to communicate with their children. When children find they can decide their own life as they would like to , maybe some children think there is no need to tell their parents about their life.so there are no opportunities for them to communicate with their parents well, which leads to their indifference.

    For another view, it is argued that children should learn to make their own decisions in some important occasions, since children’s life belong to themselves. Children whose parents give them autonomous rights tend to be more mature and independent. For example, by learning how to tackle with important matters, many of them will have their own outlook and values earlier than their peers. Moreover, children could not rely on their parents all the time, especially in some crucial occasions, such as education and career choices.

    In my mind, while there are some benefits  to make choices by parents, there is no need for parents to make decisions for children on daily matters. To avoid children’s indifference, parents can accompany their kids more by having more meals with their children, which could strengthen family ties. Meanwhile, as children get used to make important decisions by themselves, children will outdo their peers in many aspects when they get into society.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 10, 2021 at 6:31 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 80% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    jennie123
    University: Zhejiang University
    Nationality: China
    January 11, 2021 at 8:29 am

    People have different views about whether children should make decisions on their parents’ or on their own. Personally speaking, I think the second view that making decisions on children’s own is more desirable.

    For the first view, some people think they should help their children when making daily decisions,  because parents think they could take advantage of the time to communicate with their children. When children find they can decide their lifestyle as they would like, some children may think there is no need to tell their parents about specific details of their life. Therefore, there are few possibilities for children to share daily information with their parents. Consequently, some children gradually become indifferent .

    For another view, some may argue that children should learn to make their decisions in daily life to prepare for making crucial ones . Many experts say that children should be capable of choosing college and occupation. Nevertheless, children still need to make effort step by step. Children who have more autonomous rights normally tend to be more mature. By learning how to tackle simple matters, children will grow their outlook and values earlier than their peers.

    In my mind, I don’t think it is necessary for parents to make decisions for children on daily matters. After all, children could not rely on their parents all the time. In case of children’s indifference, parents can accompany their kids  by spending more time having meals with their children. In this way, parents could have a closer relationship with their children. As children get used to make significant decisions, they will outdo their peers in many aspects when getting into society.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by jennie123.
    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 11, 2021 at 5:42 pm

    Score: ungraded

    People have different views about whether children should make decisions (on their parents’ ) [ unclear ]or on their own. (Personally speaking, I think)[repetitive  ] (the second view)[redundant  ] that making decisions on children’s own is (more desirable)[ rewrite it and be specific ].

    (For the first view)[ readers have no duty to check what the first view is ], (some people think they should help their children)[rewrite it/ it should be children-centered, not parents-centered] when making daily decisions, [ punctuation error ] because parents think they[unclear  ] could (take advantage of the time)[unclear  ] to communicate with their children. When children (find they can decide)[wordy/use one word  ] their lifestyle as they would like, some children may think (there is no need to)[redundant  ] tell their parents about (specific details of their life)[ wordy ]. Therefore, (there are few possibilities for)[ redundant ] children to share daily information with their parents. Consequently, some children gradually become indifferent .[spacing error  ]

    For another view[rewrite  ], some may argue that (children should learn to make their decisions in daily life)[ repetition ] to prepare for making crucial ones . [spacing error/unclear pronoun  ]Many experts[ shift of subject  ] say that children should be capable of choosing college and occupation. Nevertheless, children[repetitive use of Children  ] still need to make effort step by step. Children[ repetition ] who (have more autonomous rights )[ wordy ]normally (tend to be more mature)[ wordy/unclear ]. By learning how to tackle simple matters, children will grow their outlook[wrong word  ] and values earlier than their peers.

    In my mind[ wrong phrase ], (I don’t think it is necessary for)[ wordy ] parents to make decisions for children on daily matters. After all, children could not rely on their parents (all the time)[ wordy ]. In case of children’s indifference, parents can accompany their kids  by[ spacing error ] spending more time having meals with their children. In this way, parents could have a closer relationship with their children. As children get used to make [ grammatical error ]significant decisions, they will outdo their peers in many aspects when getting into society.