Some people believe that charity organizations should give aid to those in greatest need, wherever they live. Some people believe that charity organizations should concentrate on helping people who live in their own country instead.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe that charity organizations should give aid to those in greatest need, wherever they live. Some people believe that charity organizations should concentrate on helping people who live in their own country instead.

  • SiLenCe
    University: Beijing Information Science and Technology University
    Nationality: china
    August 4, 2020 at 2:06 am

    Some people believe that charity organizations should give aid to those in greatest need, wherever they live. Some people believe that charity organizations should concentrate on helping people who live in their own country instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

    It is universally acknowledged that it is necessary for charity organizations to help people in need.However,people have different definition about ‘people in need’.Some people support that the charity organizations should only focus on those people who live in their own country,but others believe that they should give a hand to every people in need,no matter whether live in their own nation or not.I totally agree with the latter.

    First of all,the definition of “charity organization” should be clarified,why those institutions called this phrase by almost all people around the world?That is because people treat them as the symbol of ‘kindness’ and ‘love’,so they can use the special power help every people in need as the representative of human,no one should be left just because their nationality,if the charity organizations mind this factor very much,people should rethink their common choice that endow a institution discriminate people.Secondly,in fact,only a few of charity organization just on behalf of a single country,most of this kind of organization receive economical fund from many different countries.In the circumstances,charity organizations need undertake the due obligations that help people in need all around the world,give away food ,provide them with financial support and so on.Last but not least,charity organizations not just a symbol of ‘love’,but also mainstay of those people who in desperate need of help,when they know even their mental mainstay already abandon them,what behaviors they may do?Maybe the consequent rapidly increasing of suicide rate or crime rate,drug problem threat society again.

    In conclusion,’people in need’ means every people in need,rather than those people who own special nationality in need,charity organizations shoulder the responsibility to help people,they can be the interpretation of ‘All rivers run into sea’.

    August 6, 2020 at 4:11 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Spacing errors – include space after periods and commas
    2. Article errors
    3. Wordy – remove unnecessary words
    4. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    5. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    6. Lengthy paragraphs. You need to restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.