Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Topics Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  • Monster
    University: wuhan
    Nationality: china
    May 13, 2019 at 10:08 am

    Topic: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

    Bad situation happens every day in today’s society. Some people believe we should just accept it. However, others approve that only giving an effective solution can truly make things better. From my perspective, I agree with the second view.

    Generally accepting the bad fact will lead to a worse future. Globally thinking, almost every region suffers problem no matter the developed countries or the developing countries. For example, the trend of aging population increases the financial burden in some high-welfare countries, such as Japan and Iceland. Meanwhile, in North Africa, a lot of people are died of hunger and bad medical conditions. Many governments regard these issues as a normal social phenomenon. Few of them are willing to make realistic practice, such as macroeconomic regulation or financial aid. Finally the situation get worse and worse.

    Instead, active actions to solve any kinds of social issues can bring light back to society again. Take China’s reform and open for example, it promoted China to become a modern and high-speed growing country after suffering panic for 10 years. The key point was to break the old rules for business. Deng’s government revised the set for external trade, which appealed quantities of capital and technologies. Therefore, after nearly 30 years’ working, China has occupied the second largest economy, with achievement of life quality and culture diversity.

    In short, when government and society are faced with problems, doing something changeable appears more beneficial. Individually, as a citizen, I will not approve the government which not only neglects terrible things but also breaks the promises to a nation’s people.

    August 4, 2019 at 3:09 pm

    Score: 53.5 [Most of our students (from more than 50 countries) receive a score of 70+, so you should work harder:)]

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;

    Problems Highlight

    [ Article error ]Bad situation [ wrong word ]happens every day in today’s society. Some people believe that we should just [unnecessary adverb]accept it. However, others approve [ wrong word/argue ]that only giving [ wrong word/creating and implementing ]an effective solution can truly [unnecessary adverb](make things better)[ informal writing ]. From my perspective, I agree with the second view.[  rephrase the 2nd view]
     
    [  lack of an introductory word]Generally accepting the[ article error ] bad fact will lead [ absolute expression/ will probably lead to… ]to a worse future. Globally thinking,[ unclear ] almost every region suffers from a problem (no matter)[ wrong phrase ] the[article error  ] developed countries or the[ article error ] developing countries. [Wordy]For example, the trend of aging [  spelling error]population increases the financial burden in some high-welfare countries, [ punctuation error ]such as Japan and Iceland. [Wordy]Meanwhile, in North Africa, a lot of people are died [grammatical error/have died  ]of hunger and bad medical conditions. Many governments regard these issues as (a normal social phenomenon)[logical confusion – normal social phenomena  ]. Few of them [unclear pronoun – few of governments? or Issues? or Phenomena?  ]are willing to make realistic practice[ incorrect word ], such as macroeconomic regulation[ word form error/logical confusion – ‘such as CREATING macroeconomic regulations’ ] or financial aid[ logical confusion/providing financial … ]. Finally[  wrong adverb/ Consequently] the situation get [ grammatical error/weak verb ]worse and worse.[ wordy ]  — [Finally, the situation deteriorates.]
     
    Instead[ Wrong adverb ], active actions to solve any [ absolute expression/any-many ]kinds of social issues can bring light[  wrong word -a hope] back to society again. Take China’s reform[wrong word – reformation  ] and open[wrong word  ] for example[ wrong phrase –  take something as an example; or For example, China’s reformation… ], it[ unclear pronoun ] promoted [wrong word/This policy has facilitated China’s advancement into a modern… ]China to become a modern and high-speed rapid growing country after suffering panic for 10[ conventions/ten ] years. The key point was to break the old rules for business. Deng’s government revised the set [ unclear word ]for external [  wrong word – international]trade, which appealed [ wrong word/has attracted ][ article error ]quantities of capital and innovative technologies. Therefore, after[repetition/subsequent to  ] nearly 30[ conventions ] years’ working, China has occupied [ wrong word ]the (second largest ) [  wrong word/ second-largest]economy, with[  article error] achievement of [ logical confusion/the significant improvement of ]life quality and culture [ wrong word/cultural ]diversity.[Wordy]
     
    In short, when government and society are faced[passive] with problems, (doing something changeable)[ unclear ] appears more beneficial. [Wordy]Individually[  wordy], as a citizen, I will not approve[ support ] the government which[ that ] not only neglects terrible things but also breaks the promises to a nation’s people. [Wordy]

     

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and submit your essay AGAIN for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

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    Writing Tips

    1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
    2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
    3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
    4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
    5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
    6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
    7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
    8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
    9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
    10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
    11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
    12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
    13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
    14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
    15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
    16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
    17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
    18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

     

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