Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
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August 16, 2019 at 2:31 pm
Topic: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some people claim that one should give up if adverse events occur (such as financial difficulties), whilst others insist that one should strive to change the situation. I strongly agree with the latter opinion since it is likely to lead to success.
Indeed, sometimes the situation is so unpleasant, that it is almost impossible to change anything. So, people do not want to risk their jobs or achievements and choose to wait until the situation is improved. It may be a viable solution, and there are examples of such luck. For instance, during the financial crisis in Russia, many of businessmen drop out their firms and ceased trying to prosper. Nevertheless, a few years later the crisis ended and profits of firms soared, and those who decided to not change things won. However, this strategy is extremely unpredictable because only few problems out of million may solve itself. So the probability is very low.
Conversely, there are individuals who do not concede, they persist and tackle all problems. Such people do not follow the flow of life and strive to bend the situation because they know: if it works out, they will be happy. For example, I have a friend who lost his business after the financial crisis. His friends, with whom he initiated the firm, gave up and became low-qualified workers as waiters and servants. But my friend decided to borrow money from me to start a new fast-food restaurant which is now known as McDonalds. This practice of course demand traits of temper like perseverance and stubbornness, but it totally worth it.
In conclusion, even though doing nothing sounds simple and may bring one to success, the likelihood of this is quite low. Hence, striving to change the situation is the best option.
August 16, 2019 at 10:22 pmScore: 69.6
Suggestions for Improvement
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.
Problems Highlight
Some people claim that one should give up if adverse eventsoccur(such as financial difficulties)occur, whilst others insist that one should strive to change the situation. I strongly agree with the latter opinion since it [ unclear pronoun/use concrete noun ] is likely to lead to success.Indeed, sometimes the situation is so unpleasant, [ punctuation error ] that it is almost impossible to change anything. So, people do not want to risk their jobs or achievements and instead choose to wait until the situation (is improved). [passive]improves. It [ Unclear pronoun ] may be a viable solution, and there are examples of such [ article error ] luck. For instance, during the financial crisis in Russia, many of [ unnecessary preposition ]businessmen drop [ grammatical error ] out their firms and ceased trying to prosper. Nevertheless, a few years later the crisis ended and [ article error ]profits of firms soared, and those who decided to not change things won. However, this strategy is extremely unpredictable because only [ article error ]few problems out of million may solve itself. So the probability is very low.Conversely, there are individuals who do not concede, [ punctuation error ]they persist and tackle all problems. Such people do not follow the flow of life and strive to bend the situation because they know: if it works out, they will be happy. For example, I have a friend who lost his business after the financial crisis. His friends, with whom he initiated the firm, gave up and became low-qualified workers as waiters and servants. But my friend decided to borrow money from me to start a new fast-food restaurant which is now known as McDonalds. This practice of course demand traits of temper like perseverance and stubbornness, but it [unclear pronoun ] totally worth it [ unclear pronoun ].In conclusion, even though doing nothing sounds simple and may bring one to success, the likelihood of this [ unclear pronoun ] is quite low. Hence, striving to change the situation is the best option.Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision. Regards.
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Writing Tips
- Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
- ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
- BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
- COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
- COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
- Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
- Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
- It + Be + Verb: Wordy.
- Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
- NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
- PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
- Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
- Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
- There Be Sentence: Wordy
- Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
- Unparalleled Structure: use paralleled structures, including tense.
- VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
- WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.
