Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

  • Siyi
    University: Wuhan University
    Nationality: China
    June 24, 2019 at 3:18 pm

    The dragon fly has many choices.

    IELTS Writing Topic:: Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

    Compared with ancestors in thousands years ago, humans now have much more choices in their lives, which is a beneficial trend. However, no matter how many choices there are, only those who make efforts and prepare for them own the right to make a choice.

    The increasing choices can be attributed to three main factors. Firstly, the booming economy brings us unprecedented opportunities, which offer humans different types of occupations as well as various goods to consume. Secondly, the increasing salaries enable people to choose among different life styles. They can follow a luxurious life that satisfy their material desires or a healthy life that fulfill their physical and mental needs because either way of life can be afforded with their increasing salaries. Thirdly, the more inclusive cultures respect and accept all sorts of diversities and differences of people’s choices. The proposed inclusive culture around the world drives people to choose whatever they want without being judged by colored lens.

    Nonetheless, despite all these opportunities occurring, they are only available to people who make efforts and prepare for them. For example, a lazy illiteracy will not be able to find any decent jobs though there are much more choices of employment than before. Only when make due efforts, people can obtain the occupations they want.

    In conclusion, the booming economy, the increasing salary and the more inclusive culture create many chances nonexistent in the past, however, choices can never be too many and people should stretch to improve themselves so as to seize all these opportunities.

     

    June 24, 2019 at 9:25 pm

    Score: 54.1

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    Compared with ancestors in thousands [preposition error]years ago, humans now have much more choices in their lives, which is a beneficial trend. However, no matter how many choices there are, only those who make efforts and prepare for them own the right to make a choice.

    The increasing choices can be attributed [Passive]to three main factors. Firstly, the booming economy brings us unprecedented opportunities, which offer humans different types of occupations as well as various goods to consume. [Verbose]Secondly, the[article error] increasing salaries enable people to choose among different life styles[Spelling error]. They can follow a luxurious life that satisfy [grammatical error]their material desires or a healthy life that fulfill[grammatical error] their physical and mental needs because either way of life can be afforded [Passive]with their increasing salaries. [Verbose]Thirdly, the more inclusive cultures respect and accept all sorts of diversities and differences of[preposition error] people’s choices. The proposed inclusive culture around the world drives people to choose whatever they want without being judged by[Passive] colored[Non-British spelling] lens.[Verbose]

    Nonetheless, despite all these opportunities occurring, they are only available to people who make efforts and prepare for them. [Verbose]For example, a [article error]lazy illiteracy will not be able to find any decent jobs though there are much more choices of employment than before. Only when make [grammatical error]due efforts, people can obtain the occupations they want.

    In conclusion, the booming economy, the increasing salary and the more inclusive culture create many chances nonexistent in the past, [punctuation error]however, choices can never be too many [punctuation error]and people should stretch to improve themselves so as to seize all these opportunities. [Verbose]

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

    Siyi
    University: Wuhan University
    Nationality: China
    June 25, 2019 at 3:30 am

    Compared with ancestors thousands of years ago, humans now have much more choices in their lives, which is a beneficial trend. However, no matter how many choices there are, only those who make efforts and preparations own the right to make a choice.

    Three main factors contribute to all the increasing choices. First and foremost, the booming economy brings us unprecedented opportunities, which offer human beings different types of occupations as well as various goods to consume. In addition, increasing salaries enable people to choose among different life styles. They can follow a luxurious life that satisfies their material desires or a healthy life that fullfills their physical and mental needs because their increasing salaries can afford either way of life. Furthermore, more inclusive cultures tend to respect and accept all sorts of diversities and differences of people’s choices. The proposed inclusive cultures around the world drive people to choose whatever they want for themselves without worrying about being judged by others.

    Nonetheless, despite all these opportunities occurring, they are only available to people who make efforts and prepare for them. For example, a lazy illiteracy will not be able to find any decent jobs though there are much more choices of employment than before. Only when making due efforts, people can obtain occupations they want.

    In conclusion, the booming economy, the increasing salary and the more inclusive culture create many chances nonexistent in the past. However, choices can never be too many and people should stretch to improve themselves so as to seize all these opportunities.

    June 27, 2019 at 8:59 pm

    Score: 52.6

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    Compared with ancestors thousands of years ago, humans now have much[wrong word] more choices in their lives, which is a beneficial trend. However, no matter how many choices there are, only those who make efforts and preparations own the right to make a choice.

    Three main factors contribute to all the increasing choices. First and foremost, the booming economy brings us unprecedented opportunities, which offer human beings different types of occupations as well as various goods to consume. In addition, increasing salaries enable [grammatical error] people to choose among different( life styles)[wrong spelling]. They can follow a luxurious life that satisfies their material desires or a healthy life that fullfills their physical and mental needs because their increasing salaries can afford either way of life. [Verbose] Furthermore, more inclusive cultures tend to respect and accept all sorts of diversities and differences of [wrong preposition]people’s choices. The proposed inclusive cultures around the world drive people to choose whatever they want for themselves without worrying about being judged by[passive] others.[Verbose]

    Nonetheless, despite all these opportunities occurring, they are only available to people who make efforts and prepare for them. [Unclear pronoun] For example, a lazy illiteracy[wrong word] will not be able to find any decent jobs though there are much[wrong word] more choices of employment than before. Only when making due efforts, people can obtain[article error] occupations they want.

    In conclusion, the booming economy, the increasing salary and the more inclusive culture create many chances nonexistent in the past.[Verbose] However, choices can never be too many[punctuation error] and people should stretch to improve themselves so as to seize all these opportunities.

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.