Some people believe that spending money on developing technology for space exploration is unjustifiable, there are more beneficial ways to spend money.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe that spending money on developing technology for space exploration is unjustifiable, there are more beneficial ways to spend money.

  • GritHu
    University: Wuhan University
    Nationality: Chinese
    May 8, 2019 at 2:21 pm

    A very expensive telescope was built and put on the lack for space research.

    TOPIC: Some people believe that spending money on developing technology for space exploration is unjustifiable, there are more beneficial ways to spend money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    As is widely concerned, in modern-time society, quantities of resources have been spent in promoting high technology like space travel. Some people hold the view that such cost is of great necessity, while others disagree with that, they insist that our government’s money is limited, resources should be put in some more urgent areas such as updating facilities or improving the poverty. I , as a college student, strongly harbor the view that it is of great priority to develop updated technology especially space technology.

    Boosting space technology is quite beneficial to our society. Firstly, by promoting space technology, our everyday life can surely be improved. As we all know, in the past-time age, those who wanted to contact with relatives or friends was forced to go a long way to phone booth,at where they were able to make call to others. But with the progress of satellite technology, last several decades have witnessed the invention of mobile phones. Nowadays, people can ring others with a simple click on their mobile phones. Thanks to satellite technology, our life is much more convenient nowadays. Meanwhile, millions of job opportunities are provided by space industry. If all of these space plans were canceled, a large number of employees would become unemployed, which would lead to serious social problem.

    Admittedly, developing space technology costs a lot. In some undeveloped countries, it should give ways to meet the needs of some more urgent issues. Still, in most part of our world, it is undoubtedly that we shall promote it.

    To sum up, space technology brings our world lots of benefits. Although it has one undeniable shortcoming that it is expensive,for the interests of  whole human races, space science is still well worth developing.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 9, 2019 at 7:19 pm

    Score: 61.1

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Convert passive-voice sentences into their active counterparts;
    2. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    3. Limit each paragraph within 85 words.

    Problems Highlight

    As is widely concerned, in modern-time society, quantities of resources have been spent[Passive Voice] in promoting high technology like space travel. [Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence]Some people hold the view that such cost is of great necessity, while others disagree with that, they insist that our government’s money is limited, resources should be put [Passive Voice] in some more urgent[Wrong Word] areas such as updating facilities or improving the poverty. [Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence]I ,[Conventions Issue] as a college student, strongly [Problematic or Unnecessary Adverb]harbor [Non-British spelling]the view that it is of great [Redundant] priority to develop updated technology especially space technology.[Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence]

    Boosting space technology is quite beneficial to our society. Firstly, by promoting space technology, our everyday life can surely [Problematic or Unnecessary Adverb]be improved. [Passive Voice] As we all know, in the past-time age, those who wanted to contact with relatives or friends was forced [Passive Voice] to go a long way to phone booth, at where they were able to make [Article Error]call to others.[Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence] But with the progress of satellite technology, last several decades have witnessed the invention of mobile phones.[Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence] Nowadays, people can ring others with a simple click on their mobile phones. Thanks to satellite technology, our life is much more convenient nowadays. Meanwhile, millions of job opportunities are provided by [Passive Voice] space industry. If all of [Verbose] these space plans were canceled,[Passive Voice] a large number of employees would become unemployed, which would lead to [Article Error] serious social problem.

    Admittedly, developing space technology costs a lot. In some undeveloped countries, it should give ways to meet the needs of some more urgent issues. Still, in most part [Grammar Error] of our world, it is undoubtedly [Problematic or Unnecessary Adverb]that we shall promote it.

    To sum up, space technology brings our world lots of benefits. Although it has one undeniable shortcoming that it is expensive, for the interests of whole human races, space science is still well worth developing. [Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence]

    [Comment: your essay contains many more issues than those highlighted. It may take 5-6 edits to remove most of the issues. Please rewrite your essay based on my feedback and re-submit your essay. ]

     

    GritHu
    University: Wuhan University
    Nationality: Chinese
    May 10, 2019 at 3:51 am

    Edited at May 10:

    As is widely concerned, in modern-time society, countries have been investing quantities of resources to promote high technology like space travel. Some people hold the view that such cost is of great necessity, while others disagree with that. They insist that sense our government’s money is limited, we are supposed to put more resources in areas which is of more necessity, such as updating facilities or improving the poverty. As a college student, I harbour the view that it is of priority to develop updated technology, especially space technology.

    Boosting space technology is quite beneficial to our society. Firstly, by promoting space technology, changes have been taking place in our everyday life. As is known to us all, in the past-time age, those who wanted to contact with relatives or friends had to go a long way to phone booth, where they were able to make call to others. But with the progress of satellite technology, last several decades have witnessed the invention of mobile phones. Nowadays, with a simple click on the smartphone, people can conveniently ring others. Thanks to satellite technology, our life is much more efficient nowadays.

    Meanwhile, space industry has been providing millions of job opportunities. If space plans were called off, a large number of employees would become unemployed, unable to feed their home.

    Admittedly, developing space technology costs a lot. In some undeveloped countries, it should give ways to meet the needs of some more urgent issues. Still, the majority of our world is undoubtedly supposed to promote it.

    To sum up, space technology brings our world lots of benefits. Although it has one undeniable shortcoming that it is expensive, space science is still well worth developing.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 15, 2019 at 2:47 am

    Score: 60.6

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Convert passive-voice sentences into their active counterparts;
    2. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    As is widely concerned?, in modern-time society, countries have been investing [preposition error] quantities of resources to promote high technology[logical incompleteness] like space travel. [Lengthy and hard-to-read]Some people hold the view that REDUNDANT such cost is of great necessityREDUNDANT, while others disagree with that. They insist that sense [Wrong word) our government’s money is limited, we are supposed REDUNDANTto put more resources in areas which is [Grammatical Eror]of more necessity, such as updating facilities or improving the [Grammatical Error/wrong word]poverty. [Lengthy and hard-to-read] As a college student, I harbour the view REDUNDANT that it is of priority REDUNDANTto develop updated technology, especially space technology.
     
    Boosting space technology is quite beneficial to REDUNDANT our society. Firstly, by promoting space technology, changes have been taking place in our everyday life. As is known to us all,REDUNDANT in the past-time age REDUNDANT, those who wanted to contact with [Grammatical Error]relatives or friends had to go a long way to [Article error] phone booth, where they were able to make [Article error]call to others. [Lengthy and hard-to-read]But with the progress of satellite technology, last several decades [Subject fails to echo the subject/object of the prior sentence]have witnessed the invention of mobile phones. [Lengthy and hard-to-read]Nowadays, with a simple click on the[Article error] smartphone, people can conveniently ring others. Thanks to satellite technology, our life is much more efficient nowadays.
    Meanwhile, [Article error]space industry has been providing millions of job opportunities. If space plans were called off, a large number of employees would become unemployed, unable to feed their home[Grammatical Error].
     
    {I am stopping here. Almost all sentences need to be revised. }
    Admittedly, developing space technology costs a lot. In some undeveloped countries, it should give ways to meet the needs of some more urgent issues. Still, the majority of our world is undoubtedly supposed to promote it.
     
    To sum up, space technology brings our world lots of benefits. Although it has one undeniable shortcoming that it is expensive, space science is still well worth developing.
    Comment: There are more issues than the highlighted ones. Rewrite your essay and resubmit it.