Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

  • gao
    University: 内蒙古财经大学
    Nationality: 中国
    November 14, 2019 at 4:31 am

    IELTS Writing Prompt: Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

    Some individuals argue that exercising infrastructures should be built to prompt public health, while others think that those facilities can be replaced by other methods. In my opinion, governments should take several steps to deal with this problem.

    It is true that residents hold the view that with more sports facilities, people could exercise regularly and improve their healthy states. If a large number of sports areas can be build, that would offer residents places to both strengthen their bodies and refresh their minds.what in more, the area in more than a place just to build up bodies, it is an area to make friends that share same hobbies, and they can communicate experiences and learn new skills from each other. Without those facilities, people in their spare time, would like to choose stay at home more to go after other alternative recreations , such as computer games, which are popular with teenagers and would not only do harm to their eyesight, but also lead to obesity.

    I agree that alternative measures can be applied to care about public health. On the one hand, junk food should be restricted by governments through healthy advertisements on the social media, which could improve the health awareness of the public. On the other hand, encouraging transmits whose living apartments are not far from the companies to walk to work is a good way for those do not have extra time for doing sports and nowadays, it is normal for many companies and organizations form a new system which organize employees to do regular exercise not only encourage them to be enthusiastic, but also help them to built healthy bodies. Without those measures, it is hard for residents to keep a healthy state.

    In conclusion, sports facilities can provide residents a place to exercise, however, governments should take more steps to achieve this goal.

    gao
    University: 内蒙古财经大学
    Nationality: 中国
    November 15, 2019 at 10:51 pm

    Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however,say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

     

    November 15, 2019 at 11:00 pm

    Score: 44.6

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences are passive. You need to convert most of them into their active counterparts;
    2. About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. You need to shorten/split most of them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors of your essay.