Some people think children have too much freedom. Do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think children have too much freedom. Do you agree or disagree?

  • Alex
    University: Shanghai University
    Nationality: China
    June 30, 2020 at 4:00 am

    Some people think children have too much freedom. Do you agree or disagree?

    In the modern world, the young generation has more opportunities to choose what they prefer than the past. In my opinion, children’ freedom have been limited when they attend courses, but it is quite free in some aspects.

    On the one hand, students have to study in the school with following the discipline. In order to make sure that the educational quality is outstanding and the student safely take part in the lecture, the principal need to introduce a series of rules which would influence their behaviors. For instance, students are required to finish their homework and hand up it punctually and even on weekend instead of being encouraged to hand out with the peer. Therefore, they do not be given too much freedom in the campus.

    On the other hand, children have had too much pocket money taken according to their preferences. As employment markets have been fierce, parents want to pay more attention to their career and hope their children are able to take care themselves through controlling more money than before. In this way, the young group is more likely to own their favourite products and taste their preferred fares without working hard and getting a better understanding of labor, compared to the old generation.

    All in all, children are not allowed to do something what they want but commit the rule of the school with regards to education. When it comes to the freedom of shopping, it seems that they have more chances. My view is that children are too much free in some areas.

    June 30, 2020 at 9:43 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Numerous grammatical errors.
    2. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    3. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Alex
    University: Shanghai University
    Nationality: China
    July 1, 2020 at 3:58 am

    In the modern world, the young generation has more opportunities to choose what they prefer than the past. In my opinion, children’ freedom has been limited when they attend courses, but it is quite free in some aspects.

    On the one hand, students have to study in the school with    following  disciplines. In order to make sure that the educational quality is outstanding and the student safely take part in lectures, principals need to implement a series of rules which would influence their behaviors. For instance, students are required to finish their homework and hand it up punctually and even on    weekend instead of being encouraged to hang out with the peer. Therefore, they are not given too much freedom on the campus.

    On the other hand, children have had too much pocket money taken according to their preferences. As employment markets have been fierce, parents want to pay more attention to their career and hope their children are able to take care  of themselves through controlling more money than before. In this way, the young group is more likely to own their favourite products and taste their preferred fares without working hard and getting a better understanding of labor, compared to the old generation.

    All in all, children are not allowed to do what they want but commit the rule of the school with regards to education. When it comes to the freedom of shopping, it seems that they have more chances. My view is that children are too free in some areas.

    July 1, 2020 at 11:38 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 35% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Alex
    University: Shanghai University
    Nationality: China
    July 1, 2020 at 2:58 pm

    In the modern world, the young generation has more opportunities to choose what they prefer than in the past. In my opinion, children can not do all they want when they attend courses, but it is fairly free in some aspects.

    On the one hand, students are entitled the right to study in the school while having to follow disciplines. In order to make sure that the educational quality is outstanding, and students safely take part in lectures, principals need to implement a series of rules which would restrict their behaviors. For instance, students are required to finish their homework and hand it up punctually and even on the weekend instead of being encouraged to hang out with their peers. Consequently, they are not given too much freedom on the campuses.

    On the other hand, most children have too much pocket money taken according to their preferences. As employment markets have been gradually fierce, parents want to pay more attention to their careers and hope their children can take care  of themselves through controlling more money than before. In this way, the young group is more likely to own their favourite products and taste their preferred fares without working hard and getting a better understanding of labor, compared to the old generation.

    All in all, children are not allowed to do what they want but commit the rule of schools with regards to education. When it comes to the freedom of shopping, it seems that they have more choices. My view is that children are too free in some areas.

    July 1, 2020 at 3:56 pm

    Score: 51.7

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them;
    2. Many sentences are logically confusing.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Alex
    University: Shanghai University
    Nationality: China
    July 3, 2020 at 10:05 am

    In the modern world, the young generation has more opportunities than the old group. In my opinion, children fail to act according to their willingness when they attend courses, but it is fairly free in some aspects.

    On the one hand, students are entitled the right to study in the school while having to follow disciplines. Teachers regulate students through implementing a series of school rules. For instance, students should finish their homework punctually instead of being encouraged to hang out with their peers. Plus ,they are required to arrive at school on time and not permitted to sleep in class.Consequently, they are granted limited freedom on the campuses.

    On the other hand, most children have too much pocket money taken according to their preferences. Due to fierce employment markets, parents prefer to pay more attention to their careers and hope their children can take care of themselves through controlling more money . for example, parents would give their children affluent money to get a takeaway ,when they cope with their work at meal time. In this way, the young group are inclined to gain the rest of money as their pocket money spent on their preferred products.

    All in all, children are not allowed to do what they want but commit the rule of schools with regards to education. When it comes to the freedom of shopping, it seems that they have more choices. My view is that children are too free in some areas.

    July 3, 2020 at 10:57 pm

    Some people think children have too much freedom. Do you agree or disagree?

    In the[/this ] modern world, the young generation has more opportunities than the old [ aged]group[ unsubstantiated statement]. In my opinion, children (fail to act according to their willingness when they attend courses)[unclear ], but it[ unclear pronoun] is fairly free in some aspects.

    On the one hand, students[wrong concept ] are entitled the right to study in the school while having to follow disciplines. [incorrect sentence emphasis ] Teachers [logically disconnected from the last sentence ]regulate students through[wrong preposition ] implementing a series of school rules. For instance, [loss of logical connection from the last sentence ]students should finish their homework punctually instead of being encouraged to hang out with their peers[incorrect sentence emphasis ]. Plus ,[spacing error ]they [unclear pronoun ]are required to arrive at school on time and not permitted to sleep in class.[ spacing problem]Consequently, they[unclear pronoun ] are granted limited freedom (on the campuses)[wrong phrase ].

    On the other hand, most children have too [ redundant adverb](much pocket money taken )[ unclear]according to their preferences. Due to (fierce employment markets)[logical confusion ], parents prefer to pay more attention to their[unclear pronoun ] careers and hope their children can take care of themselves through (controlling more money)[unclear ] . [ spacing error]for[ spelling error] example, parents would give their children affluent money to get a takeaway ,[ punctuation error]when they cope with their [unclear pronoun ]work at meal time[spelling error/confusing ]. In this way, the young group are inclined to gain the rest of money as their pocket money spent on their preferred products.[unclear ]

    All in all, children are not allowed to do what they want but commit[wrong word ] the rule of schools with regards to education. When it comes to the freedom of shopping, it seems that they have more choices. My view is that children are too[wrong adverb ] free in some areas.[ unclear]