Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

  • Moker
    University: 北京交通大学
    Nationality: China
    August 1, 2020 at 9:18 am

    Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

    <p align=”left”><span lang=”EN-US” style=”font-family: ‘bookAntique-Italic’,serif; color: #333333; background: white;”>It is considered by some one that teaching children the methods of being wonderful members of the society is parents’ duty, while the others think schools are responsible for this. </span></p>
    <p align=”left”><span lang=”EN-US” style=”font-family: ‘bookAntique-Italic’,serif; color: #333333; background: white;”> </span></p>
    <p align=”left”><span lang=”EN-US” style=”font-family: ‘bookAntique-Italic’,serif; color: #333333; background: white;”>There are several reasons on why parents should teach their children the way of playing vital role in society. Above all, parents have enough time to stay with their children so that they have more opportunities to teach this kind of knowledge. In this case, parents can educate their children step by step, which may set up a strong basis. In addition, parents are always the primary teachers of children, so it is their duty to educate their children on every aspect. Moreover, children are easier to listen and follow what their parents said and done, because parents are the ones who children spend most of their time with. Therefore, children can learn the knowledge taught by parents more efficiently.</span></p>
    <p align=”left”><span lang=”EN-US” style=”font-family: ‘bookAntique-Italic’,serif; color: #333333; background: white;”> </span></p>
    <p align=”left”><span lang=”EN-US” style=”font-family: ‘bookAntique-Italic’,serif; color: #333333; background: white;”>The school is also a perfect place where children can learn how to be a good member of society. First of all, it is clear that teachers are able to teach child in a more academic way. It is crucial to make sure that correctness of what children leant. There is no doubt that the school can solve this problem because the knowledge the teachers teach can be more accurate than that of others. More importantly, teachers have experiences on how to teach students. Hence, in this situation, children can learn methods on how to be a good member in society in a more understandable way. </span></p>
    <p align=”left”><span lang=”EN-US” style=”font-family: ‘bookAntique-Italic’,serif; color: #333333; background: white;”> </span></p>
    <p align=”left”><span lang=”EN-US” style=”font-family: ‘bookAntique-Italic’,serif; color: #333333; background: white;”>In a nutshell, both of the concepts have their own positive aspects. An excellent way is building up the cooperation between parents and schools to teach children on how to be a good member in society. Only in this case, can children absorb the knowledge well. </span></p>

    August 3, 2020 at 4:12 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Formatting errors – remove all of the <p align=”left”>, etc.
    2. Make your argument clear in your introduction, what is your standpoint?
    3. Preposition errors
    4. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    5. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.