Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

  • Kikko Wu
    University: Guangdong Ocean University
    Nationality: China
    December 11, 2020 at 2:29 pm

    Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

    People have different views about whether children should be useful members of society instructed by parents or teachers. At the same time, the education of parents can sometimes be important in their whole life. I believe that parents’ teaching is more improtant.

    On the other hand, teachers might be a great benefit of education because they  trained in how to teach children systematically and professionally, for example, they could teach art, science, math and so on technical subjects. By studying these programmes, children could accumulate more knowledge and behaviour themselves well. Also, If children followed all the curriculums and try their best on examination, they could be an outstanding member of world and make some contribution to society. Instead of promoting the idea that people are either winners or losers, teachers could show children that they can determine their life by living examples.

    From my  perspective, parents play a more important role in the life experience of children than teachers. Children have strong connections with their parents, which means parents spend almost all the spare time on their kids. After school, children are accustomed to getting home for their homework, leisure and sleep such as holidays and weekends. Without accompany from parents, children may lack good quantity and lead to a rise of juvenile delinquency and dropout rate. If parents tend to be too lenient or permissive, children could find it difficult to accept the demands of parents or the limits imposed on them.

    In conclusion, I can understand why people might think teachers’ teaching is more important in children, but it seems to me the advantages of education by parents is much more significant.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 12, 2020 at 8:12 pm

    Score: 58.8

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Kikko Wu
    University: Guangdong Ocean University
    Nationality: China
    December 13, 2020 at 12:31 am

    People have different views about whether children become useful members of society instructed by parents or teachers. At the same time, the education of parents can sometimes be important in their whole life. I believe that parents’ teaching is more important.

    On the other hand, teachers might be a great benefit of education because they trained in how to teach children systematically and professionally, for example, they could teach art, science, math and so on technical subjects. By studying these programmes, children could accumulate more knowledge and behaviour themselves well. Also, If children followed all the curriculums and tried their best on examination, they could be an outstanding member of the world and contribute to society. Instead of promoting the idea that people are either winners or losers, teachers could show children that they can determine their life by living examples.

    From my  perspective, parents play a more important role in the life experience of children than teachers. Children have strong connections with their parents, which means parents spend almost all the spare time on their kids. After school, children are accustomed to getting home for their homework, leisure and sleep such as holidays and weekends. Without accompanying parents, children may lack good quantity and lead to a rise in juvenile delinquency and dropout rate. If parents tend to be too lenient or permissive, children could find it difficult to accept  parents’ demands or the limits imposed on them.

    In conclusion, I can understand why people might think teachers’ teaching is more important in children.But it seems to me the advantages of education by parents is much more significant.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 13, 2020 at 3:23 pm

    Score: 57.5

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 13, 2020 at 3:27 pm

    People have different views about whether [ parental teaching or school education would help  ]children [to] become useful members of [ the ]society instructed by parents or teachers. [ poorly connected to the prior sentence ]At the same time, the (education of parents)[unclear: is it the education of parents or children’s education via parents  ] can sometimes be important in their [unclear: parents or children?  ]whole life. [ lack of connection from the last sentence ]I believe that parents’ teaching is more important [than….  ].

    On the other hand, teachers might be a great benefit of education because they trained in how to teach children systematically and professionally, for example, they could teach art, science, math and so on technical subjects. By studying these programmes, children could accumulate more knowledge and behaviour themselves well. Also, If children followed all the curriculums and tried their best on examination, they could be an outstanding member of the world and contribute to society. Instead of promoting the idea that people are either winners or losers, teachers could show children that they can determine their life by living examples.

    From my  perspective, parents play a more important role in the life experience of children than teachers. Children have strong connections with their parents, which means parents spend almost all the spare time on their kids. After school, children are accustomed to getting home for their homework, leisure and sleep such as holidays and weekends. Without accompanying parents, children may lack good quantity and lead to a rise in juvenile delinquency and dropout rate. If parents tend to be too lenient or permissive, children could find it difficult to accept  parents’ demands or the limits imposed on them.

    In conclusion, I can understand why people might think teachers’ teaching is more important in children.But it seems to me the advantages of education by parents is much more significant.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 13, 2020 at 3:32 pm

    Partial revision (The essay contains extensive problems.)