Some people think that the main purpose of the schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that the main purpose of the schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals.

  • Jessica Fu
    University: Ocean University of China
    Nationality: China
    November 6, 2019 at 12:42 am

    IELTS Task 2: Some people think that the main purpose of the schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree with the opinion?

    Some people believe that converting children into good citizens and workers is the major purpose of schools. From the perspective of mine, benefits to the society as a whole and benefiting students as individuals are equally important.

    In terms of society, students are able to learn some basic rules of the society. For example, they may learn some regulations and laws systematically thus having a clear mind about the consequences of breaking the laws. Students taking classes at school are more likely to follow the legal requirements which makes them qualified citizens. Besides, if children can have a good command of specialized knowledge and skills when they are at school, it may be easier for them to get a decent job and be a good employee after graduation.

    With regard to students themselves, they can not only learn professional knowledge but also master social skills through daily communication and interactive activities with their classmates which probably benefits them all their lives. For instance, they can learn how to make friends and deal with interpersonal relationships, through which they learn from others’ merits and become better themselves consequently. Additionally, students may develop their own interest by taking part in a wide variety of classes offered at school which may conducive to their future development and enrich their daily life. For instance, students who enjoy swimming may relieve their pressure and keep fit by means of taking swimming lessons.

    In conclusion, school definitely serves the purposes of cultivating excellent citizens and workers as well as doing good to personal development of students.

    Jessica Fu
    University: Ocean University of China
    Nationality: China
    November 8, 2019 at 4:53 am

    thank you

    November 16, 2019 at 2:54 am

    Score: 50

    Issues:

    1. More than half of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.