Some teenagers take part in kinds of activities, such as musical classes, sports classes and so on, but others only focus on one activity which is important to them. Which idea do you support?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Some teenagers take part in kinds of activities, such as musical classes, sports classes and so on, but others only focus on one activity which is important to them. Which idea do you support?

  • Sitara
    University: Kean University
    Nationality: China
    November 28, 2020 at 4:28 am

    Some teenagers take part in multiple activities, such as musical classes, sports classes, but others only focus on one activity which is important to them. Which idea do you support?

    It’s a common obeservation that some teenagers are always interested in taking part in different activities, no matter how important they are, while others only focus on the critical activities, such as major-related meetings and academic classes. Facing the issue about whether teenagers should only pay attention to important activities or go to various activities as much as they can, I would choose to take part in kinds of activities for the following reasons.

     

    To begin with, touching distinct activities without limit, teenagers incline to discover their potential power and interest in fields beyond what they have been in. Being in their peak age, teenagers are always ready to learn something new. Different activities, ranging from musical classes to sports classes, provide dissimilar experience. Only based on personal experience, teenagers can decide what they really want and what they really want to focus in the future.

     

    Secondly, activities that don’t seem related are actually connected. After taking part in different activities, teenagers may figure out the link between two things and promot their skills. Take my musical instructor as an example, she told me that exercise in PE class increased her lung capacity and really promot her skills in singing because she could better regulate breathing, which is important to sing well. Therefore, it’s not a bad thing for the young generation to take part in different activities

     

    Some people may say that people should focus on what they are doing. Great achievement is always based on the long-term focus and study. This is not true for teenagers who are still looking for themselves. It’s not late for them to put all their effort to one thing after trying various things. Also, always focusing on major-related activity will be tired and stressful. Taking some new activities is a good way to relax and make new friends.

     

    In conclusion, teenagers should take part in other kinds of activities in addition to those important activities, usually are major-related classes, to find new interests, enhance their major skills somehow, and relax themselves.

    PLZ, score me. Thanks!

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 5, 2020 at 3:00 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Spelling errors
    4. Preposition errors

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