Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time.

  • Dingguo W
    University: High school
    Nationality: China
    September 9, 2020 at 12:38 pm

    Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

    I was about to go to college when I reached 18. Would I say I’s ready to live on my own foot? No, not only because I did not make any money, but the idea of being an adult freaked me out. I didn’t think I could do all the things that adults do by myself. But did I still live with my parents? No, I have been lived in dorms since I was 13. In my experience, I believe that young adults should live separate from their parents as soon as possible.

    Since I was 13, I have been lived in dorms by which I learned to cook, clean, look after my own health and master my daily routine to fit in these basics of life besides working hard on school assignments. To be noted, I learned how to manage money, one of the must-have skills for adults. I was given a fixed amount of money each month to pay for living expenses. The tips of mine were to set up a budget and apply it consistently and set aside some money for the big purchase.

    Besides picking up essential everyday living skills, living without parents close by helped to develop my self-confidence. Especially, knowing that I’s capable of handling things by myself like any other adult does alleviated my fear of becoming an adult. In hindsight, it turned out that financial independence was the scariest part that I was afraid of in terms of being an adult. However, after giving a taste of dealing with money and manage it successfully, I found it not as hard as I thought. …

    To sum up, leaving my parents to live in dorms not only enables me to take care of myself but makes me realize that I’m capable of the ability to learn to live on my own like an adult. Adulting is a way of life. You don’t wake up on your 18th birthday suddenly knowing how to do all the adult things. I suggest young adults should take the first step to move out of your parent’s house.

    September 9, 2020 at 9:41 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Lots of grammatical errors.
    2. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    3. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Dingguo W
    University: High school
    Nationality: China
    September 10, 2020 at 7:28 am

    Thanks so much for your help.

    I’m not sure how to shorten/spilt some of the long sentences without changing their original meanings. And I can not find the passive sentences except ” I was given a fixed money” and “To be noted”. I have changed the former into the active voice.

     

    I was about to go to college when I reached 18. Would I say I was ready to live on my own foot? No, not only because I did not make any money, but the idea of being an adult freaked me out. I didn’t think I could do all the things that adults do by myself. But did I still live with my parents? No, I have lived in dorms since I was 13. In my experience, I believe that young adults should live separately from their parents as soon as possible.

    Since I was 13, I have lived in dorms. I learned to cook, clean, look after my health and master my daily routine to fit in these basics of life besides working hard on school assignments. To be noted, I learned how to manage money, one of the must-have skills for adults. My father gave me a fixed amount of money each month to pay for living expenses. Setting up a budget and applying it consistently was one of my tips. Another was to set aside some money for the big purchase.

    Besides picking up essential everyday living skills, living without parents close by helped to develop my self-confidence. Knowing that I was able to handle things by myself, like any other adult does, alleviated my fear of becoming an adult. In hindsight, it turned out that financial independence was the part that I feared most in terms of being an adult. However, after giving a taste of dealing with money and manage it successfully, I found it not as hard as I thought…

    To sum up, leaving my parents to live in dorms not only enables me to take care of myself, but makes me realize that I’m capable of the ability to learn to live on my own. Adulting is a way of life. You don’t wake up on your 18<sup>th</sup> birthday suddenly knowing how to do all the adult things. I suggest young adults should take the first step to move out of your parent’s house.

    September 19, 2020 at 9:13 pm

    I was about to go to college when I reached 18. Would I say I was ready to live on my own foot? No, not only because I did not make any money, but the idea of being an adult freaked me out. I didn’t think I could do all the things that adults do by myself. But did I still live with my parents? No, I have lived in dorms since I was 13. In my experience, I believe that young adults should live separately from their parents as soon as possible.

    Since I was 13, I have lived in dorms. I learned to cook, clean, look after my health and master my daily routine to fit in these basics of life besides working hard on school assignments. To be noted, I learned how to manage money, one of the must-have skills for adults. My father gave me a fixed amount of money each month to pay for living expenses. Setting up a budget and applying[observing  ] it consistently was one of my tips. Another[ major I took ] was to set aside some money for the big purchase.

    Besides picking up essential everyday living skills, living [away from my  ] without parents close by helped to develop my self-confidence. Knowing that I was able to handle things by myself, like any other adult does, alleviated my fear of becoming an adult. In hindsight, it turned out that financial independence was the part that I feared most in terms of being an adult. However, after giving a taste of dealing with money and manage[ managing ] it successfully[/wisely  ] , I found it not as hard as I[  had] thought.

    To sum up, leaving my parents to live in dorms not only enables me to take care of myself, [ punctuation error ] but makes me realize that I’m capable of the ability to learn to live [ living ] on my own. Adulting is a way of life. You don’t wake up on your 18th birthday suddenly knowing how to do all the adult things. I suggest young adults should take the first step to move out of your[their  ] parent’s house.

    September 19, 2020 at 9:19 pm

    Final revision.

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