Sports and social activities should receive equal financial support as classes and libraries.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Sports and social activities should receive equal financial support as classes and libraries.

  • fenyang
    University: BUPT
    Nationality: Chinese
    July 14, 2020 at 1:50 pm

    Sports and social activities should receive equal financial support as classes and libraries.

    Education, the foundation of student’s development, has been valued and even triggers heated discussions over the importance of sports and social activities. Doing sports and engaging in social activities, in some people’s view, are waste of time which should be allocated to learning. On the contrary is my perspective that not only should we value classes and libraries, we also need to attach equal importance to sports and activities, due to its contributions to students’ health and skills.

    What should be prioritized is that taking sports on a daily basis, instead of seating in the classroom, is beneficial for students’ health, by improving their body and mental health. At first, with daily sports, students can strengthen their body. Doing sports, such as playing football, basketball and running, can prevent students from keeping sedentary lifestyle, which decreases the risks of getting sick. Additionally, it is exercising that does good for students’ mental health. Specifically, sports functions as stress reducer, distracting students from worries and concerns, and thus students’ life satisfaction is increased.

    What should also be valued is that by involving in social activities, rather than staying in libraries all day, not only can students foster diverse skills, including social skills and time management skills. Initially, when taking part in activities, students social skills can be cultivated during the process. In detail, by socializing with people having  different backgrounds and cultures, students try hard to learn about them and keep harmonious relationship with them, enlarging students’ friend circle. Moreover, social activities forces students to manage their time. Specifically, numerous school tasks and social activities, waiting for students to do, require students to prioritize all assignments in urgency and make a clear time management plan to obey.

    Sporting, a way to relax and exercise, place students as beneficiaries by improving body and mental health. Social activities, essential contributors for students’ development, shape students’ social and time management skills. To conclude, only by doing sports and engaging in social activities, can students reap and harvest numerous benefits. Therefore, universities should give equal financial support to sports and social activities.

    July 14, 2020 at 8:28 pm

    Score: 45.1

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.