Students of a university have a long break between university semesters; the university requires all students to do one of the following for one month during the break
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July 15, 2019 at 1:40 pm
Essay Topic: Students of a university have a long break between university semesters; the university requires all students to do one of the following for one month during the break:
- Students must take a course on the subject that has no direct connection to their majors of study (For example, a student majoring in engineering may take course in fine arts or social science.)
- Students must volunteer to work in the university’s city or their hometowns to improve some aspects of life of the city or their own town. (For example, students may help local primary school children with their homework.) Which one do you think is more beneficial for students in their university? Why? Give detailed examples and reasons. Use your OWN words, do NOT use memorized examples.
As we all know, the long break between university semesters is very precious. We can take some extra courses which are different from our majors. Or we can work as a volunteer in our city to make contributes to our society. As for me, I prefer to working as a volunteer in my hometown.
Firstly, it is helpful for us to get a better job in the future. Students who volunteer to work in the university’s city or their hometowns can attain a valuable and impressive experience. Obviously, the leader will be prone to choosing a experienced people to do a job, which means you will be more competitive if you have a relative work experience. With such an experience you will be more outstanding when apply for the same work with others, especially the job that has direct connection to your majors.
Secondly, you can improve your sense of responsibility. When you are working as a volunteer you need to try your best. Thus you will have a strong sense of achievement and participation. Take my last summer break for example, I am honored selected to be a volunteer in the Tienanmen and served as a instructor. I am so pride of our country when I introduced the history of Tienanmen to foreign friends.
Finally, you can make some friends who have the same interests. When you participate the organization, you will meet the people who have the same goal with you and then you need to work with them if you want to finish the mission. During this time you can attain a good and reliable relationship. What is more, you can talk with them when you have a rest, you may find you can acquire many interesting story and knowledge at least.
To sum up, being a volunteer in your summer break is a previous experience and it is helpful for your future life.
July 15, 2019 at 8:21 pmScore: 72.7
Suggestions for Improvement
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.
Problems Highlight
As we all know, the long break between university semesters is very precious. We can take some extra courses which are different from our majors. Or we can work as a volunteer in our city to make contributes to our society. As for me, I prefer to working as a volunteer in my hometown.
Firstly, it is helpful for us to get a better job in the future. Students who volunteer to work in the university’s city or their hometowns can attain a valuable and impressive experience. Obviously, the leader will be prone to choosing a[article error] experienced people to do a job, which means you will be more competitive if you have a relative work experience. [Verbose]With such an experience you will be more outstanding when apply [grammatical error]for the same work with others, especially the job that has[article error] direct connection to your majors.[Verbose]
Secondly, you can improve your sense of responsibility. When you are working as a volunteer you need to try your best. Thus you will have a strong sense of achievement and participation. Take my last summer break for example, I am honored selected to be a volunteer in the Tienanmen[?] and served as a [article error] instructor. I am so pride of our country when I introduced the history of Tienanmen to foreign friends.
Finally, you can make some friends who have the same interests. When you participate [preposition error]the organization, you will meet the people who have the same goal with you and then you need to work with them if you want to finish the mission. [Verbose]During this time you can attain a good and reliable relationship. What is more, you can talk with them when you have a rest, [punctuation error]you may find you can acquire many interesting story and knowledge at least.
To sum up, being a volunteer in your summer break is a previous experience and it is helpful for your future life.
Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision. Regards.
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July 16, 2019 at 3:05 amAs we all know, the long break between university semesters is very precious. We can take some extra courses which are different from our majors. Or we can work as a volunteer in our city to make contributes to our society. As for me, I prefer to working as a volunteer in my hometown.
Firstly, it is helpful for us to get a better job in the future. Students can take part in volunteer associations, especially those have direct connection to your majors. You can attain not only a valuable and impressive experience but also a chance to integrate theory with practice. Obviously, the leader will be prone to choosing an experienced people to do a job. And the experience can help you lay a solid foundation for your future career.
Secondly, you can improve your sense of responsibility. When you are working as a volunteer you need to try your best. Thus you will have a strong sense of achievement and participation. Take my last summer break for example, I am honored selected to be a volunteer in the Tian An Men and served as an instructor. I am so pride of our country when I introduced the history of Tienanmen to foreign friends.
Finally, you can make some friends who have the same interests. When you participate in the organization you will meet the people who have the same goal with you. You need to communicate and get familiar with each other in order to doing a better job. During this time you can attain a good and reliable relationship. What is more, you can talk with them when you have a rest and you can acquire many interesting stories and knowledge to broaden your horizon at least.
To sum up, being a volunteer in your summer break is a previous experience and it is helpful for your future life.
July 16, 2019 at 3:49 pmScore: 72.5
Problems Highlight
(As we all know)[Redundant], the[article error] long break between university semesters is very precious. [lacking connection from the prior sentence]We can take some extra courses which are different from our majors[Unparalled / courses-majors]. Or [Punctuation/wrong use of coordinating word]we can work as a volunteer in our city to make contributes[wrong word] to our society[vague]. As for me, I prefer to working [word form error]as a volunteer in my hometown.
Firstly, (it[unclear pronoun] is helpful for us to)[redundant] get a better job in the future. Students can take part in volunteer associations, especially those have[article error] direct connection to your[wrong pronoun] majors[grammatical error]. You[inconsistency in person] can attain not only a valuable and [article error] impressive experience but also a chance to integrate theory with[wrong preposition] practice. Obviously, the leader [unexpected content introduced/unclear]will be prone to choosing an [article error]experienced people to do a job. [punctuation error] And the experience can help you [inconsistency in person] lay a solid foundation for your[inconsistency in person] future career.
Secondly, you [inconsistency in person]can improve your[inconsistency in person] sense of responsibility. When you are working as a volunteer you need to try your best. Thus you will have a strong sense [word form error ]of achievement and participation. Take my last summer break [punctuation error]for example, I am[grammatical error] honored selected to be [grammatical error] a volunteer in the Tian An Men and served as an instructor. I am [grammatical error] so pride[wrong word] of our country when I introduced the history of Tienanmen to foreign friends.
Finally, you can make some friends who have the same interests[logical confusion]. When you participate in the[article error] organization you will meet the people who have the same goal with [wrong preposition]you[word form error]. You need to communicate, and get familiar, with each other in order to doing [grammatical error] a better job. During this time you can attain a good and reliable relationship. What is more, [wrong phrase]you can talk with them when you have a rest and you can acquire many interesting stories and knowledge to broaden your horizon[word form error] at least.
To sum up, being a volunteer in your summer break is a previous [wrong word]experience and it is helpful for your future life.
Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision. Regards.
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July 17, 2019 at 2:34 pmIn order to let us make best use of the precious long break between university semesters, the university offers us two suggestions. We can take some extra courses on the subject which are different from our majors. Besides, we can work as a volunteer in our city to make contribute to some aspects of life of the city. As for me, I prefer to work as a volunteer in my hometown.
Firstly, being a volunteer can help me get a better job in the future. I can take part in volunteer associations, especially those have a direct connection to my majors of study. I can attain not only a valuable experience but also a chance to integrate theory with practice. I will be more competitive than others who do not have such similar experience when we apply for the same job. Obviously, the leader will be prone to choosing me to do the job. So the experience can help me lay a solid foundation for my future career.
Secondly, I can improve my sense of responsibility. When I am working as a volunteer I need to try my best. Thus I will have a strong sense of achievement and pride. Take my last summer break for example, I am honored to be chosen as a volunteer in the Tian An Men and served as an instructor. I am so proud of our country when I introduced the history of Tienanmen to foreign friends.
Finally, I can broaden my horizon. When I participate in a organization I need to get familiar with the project at first. As a result, I can get a lot of information by studying the background of the project. What is more, I will meet different partner and then I can communicate with them, and get familiar. We will share some interesting stories and knowledge with each other.
To sum up, being a volunteer in your summer break is a precious experience and it is helpful for your future life.
July 17, 2019 at 6:43 pmScore: 73.5
Suggestions for Improvement
- The essay contains 3 consecutive sentences starting with the same word.
Problems Highlight
In order to let us make [ article error ] best use of the precious long break between university semesters, the [ article error ] university offers us two suggestions. We [ connection problem/ Subject fails to echo the subject, or object, of the prior sentence ] can take some extra courses on the[ article error ] subject which are different from our majors. Besides, we can work as a volunteer in our city to make contribute [ word form ] to some aspects of [ article error ] life of the city. As for me, I prefer to work as a volunteer in my hometown.
Firstly, being a volunteer can help me get a better job in the future. I can take part in volunteer associations, especially those [ grammatical error ] have a direct connection to[ preposition error ] my majors of study. I can attain not only a valuable experience but also a chance to integrate theory with practice. I [ choppy sentences; all sentences start with the same word ] will be[ BE verb – change to concrete verb ] more competitive than others who (do not have) [ redundant – lack ] such similar experience when we apply for the same job. Obviously, the leader[ unclear noun ] will be prone to choosing me to do the job. So[ Punctuation error with coordinating word ] the experience can help me lay a solid foundation for my future career.
Secondly, I can improve my sense of responsibility. When I am working as a volunteer I need to try my best. Thus I will have[ vague verb – change to concrete verb ] a strong sense of achievement and pride. Take my last summer break [ punctuation error : take something as an exapmle/ take something, for example, ] for example, I am honored to be chosen as a volunteer in the Tian’an and served as an instructor. I am so [ problematic adverb; so… that/very ] proud of our country when I introduced the history of Tian’an to foreign friends.
Finally, I can broaden my horizon[ word form error ] . When I participate in a [ article error ] organization I need to get familiar with the project at first. As a result, I can get a lot of information by studying the background of the project. What is more, I will meet different partner[ word form] [ punctuation error ] and then I can communicate with them, and get familiar[unclear ] . We will share some interesting stories and knowledge with each other.
To sum up, being a volunteer in your [inconsistency in person ] summer break is a precious experience and it is helpful for your [inconsistency in person ]future life.
Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision. Regards.
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July 19, 2019 at 6:13 amIn order to let us make the best use of the precious long break between university semesters, university offers us two suggestions. The first one is that we can take some extra courses on a subject which is different from our majors. Besides, we can work as a volunteer in our city to make contribution to some aspects of the life of the city. As for me, I prefer to work as a volunteer in my hometown.
Firstly, being a volunteer can help me get a better job in the future. Taking part in volunteer associations, especially those [ grammatical error:sorry, I do not know how to revise it ] have a direct connection with my majors of study, can help me attain not only a valuable experience but also a chance to integrate theory with practice. Thus, I am more competitive than others without such similar experience when we apply for the same job. Obviously, the leader of the job will be prone to choosing me to do it. So, the experience can help me lay a solid foundation for my future career.
Secondly, I can improve my sense of responsibility. When I am working as a volunteer I need to try my best. During this process I will get a strong sense of achievement and pride. Take my last summer break, for example, I am honored to be chosen as a volunteer in the Tian’an and served as an instructor. I am proud of our country when I introduced the history of Tian’an to foreign friends.
Finally, I can broaden my horizons . When I participate in an organization I need to get familiar with the project at first. As a result, I can get a lot of information by studying the background of the project. What is more, I will meet different partners, and then I can communicate with them, and get familiar with each other . We will share some interesting stories and knowledge with each other.
To sum up, being a volunteer in my summer break is a precious experience and it is helpful for my future life.
July 23, 2019 at 7:45 pmScore: 71.7
Suggestions for Improvement
- Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.
Problems Highlight
In order to let us make the best use of the precious long break between university semesters, [ article]university offers us two suggestions[ wordy ]. The first one is that we can take some extra courses on a subject which [that ]is different from our majors. Besides, we can work as a volunteer in our city to make[ article ] contribution to some aspects of the life of the city[ repetition/wordy ]. As for me[ wordy], I prefer to work as a volunteer in my hometown.Firstly, being a volunteer can help me get a better job in the future. Taking part in volunteer associations, especially those that have a direct connection with my majors[ incorrect word form ] of study, can help me attain not only a valuable experience but also a chance to integrate theory with practice. [Wordy] Thus, I am more competitive than others without such similar experience when we [ inconsistent in person ]apply for the same job. Obviously, the leader[ wrong word ] of the job will be prone to choosing me to do it[ unclear pronoun ]. So, the experience can help me lay a solid foundation for my future career.Secondly, I can improve my sense of responsibility. When I am working as a volunteer I need to try my best. During this process I will get [ weak verb ]a[ article ] strong sense[ word form ] of achievement and pride. Take my last summer break, foras an example, I am[ grammatical error ] honored to be chosen [ passive ]as a volunteer in the Tian’an and served as an instructor. I am proud of our country when I introduced the history of Tian’an to foreign friends.Finally, I can broaden my horizons. When I participate in an organization I need to get familiar [wordy ]with the project at first. As a result, I can get[ weak verb] a lot of information by studying the background of the project. What is more, I will meet different partners, and [coordination ]then I can communicate with them, and get familiar with each other. We will share some interesting stories and knowledge with each other.To sum up, being a volunteer in my summer break is a precious experience and it [ pronoun ]is helpful [ BE verb ]for my future life.Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision. Regards.
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Writing Tips
- Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
- ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
- BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
- COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
- Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
- It + Be + Verb: Wordy.
- Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
- NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
- PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
- Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
- Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
- There Be Sentence: Wordy
- Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
- Unparalleled Structure: use paralleled structures, including tense.
- VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
- WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.
