Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well.

  • Yang C
    University: National Taiwan University
    Nationality: Taiwan
    August 17, 2020 at 4:23 am

    Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well.

    People often possess different perspectives on whether successful people try new things and take risks. Based on my personal experience and observational of life, I strongly argue that successful people will try new things and take risks because of the following two reasons.

    First of all, successful people cares about reputation, and trying new things and taking risks can help them gain a better/ higher reputation. For example, one of my uncles is a successful manager, he ran a company that earns more than one million dollars every year. However, he did not stop learning new things after retiring. My uncle started to learn baking and cooking since seventy years old. Nowadays, people respect him not only because of his successful career as a manager, but also because of his delicious dishes and bread. Apparently, try new things indeed help people gain better reputation.

    Secondly, successful people concerned about money, and try new things and take risks can help them gain more money. For instance, although Steven Jobs was great at computer science and technology, he still chose to leave Apple and started his new career in Pixar, an animation production company. For him, animation was a new and unknown area. But this new company helped him earn a lot of money. Therefore, trying new things and takings risks indeed gain more money than only doing what they already know how to do well.

    In conclusion, Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well. Because successful people place emphasis on reputation and money, and try new things and take risks can help them gain a better reputation and earn more money.

    Word Counts: 320

    August 18, 2020 at 9:56 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Article errors
    3. Wordy – remove unnecessary words and repetitive sentences
    4. Verb form errors

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    August 18, 2020 at 9:57 pm

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