Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of money more than people in other important professions

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of money more than people in other important professions

  • lunabay
    University: 北京交通大学
    Nationality: 中国
    October 7, 2020 at 6:55 am

    Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of money more than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

    Some people think that it is reasonable for excellent athlete with higher rewards than others, others believe that there is supposed a unified paying standard for all brilliant experts in various fields. While professional sportsmen do get larger number of money, I believe it breaks the balance and equivalence.

    There are several reasons why sports professionals gain more money. Firstly, they stand on a national high ground to achieve their goals or win the honor which means their efforts will amply rewarded through money by their countries. Secondly, their achievements accompanied with fame give them opportunities to take commercial ads so that they earn additional property. Thirdly, instead of devoting the whole lifetime to sports, they are supposed to accomplish career period during limited age because physical quality doesn’t allow them to excel in later years.

    However, I believe that it is inequitable for professionals in other domain. On the one hand the fields like economy, biology, science directly promote the development of a country rather than sports, and the economical preference for sports will stir up the feelings of dissatisfaction. On the other hand, this phenomenon has a huge impact on family education guidance and individual career planning. Instead of being a musician, scientist, and professionals in other fields, they would like to cultivate their children to become athletic talents which literally depends on physical ability and innate talent.

    In conclusion, my view is that the negative side of this imbalance is reflected on education and society which means built an equal environment for the variety of professionals is necessary.

    October 14, 2020 at 4:20 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Article errors
    4. Verb form errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.