Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Others say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects.
-
June 12, 2019 at 6:06 am
IELTS writing topic (IELTS Task 2): Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Others say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects.
Education is viewed as one of the most vital things about students’ and social development. Many people have strong arguments that professional studies should put into primate while others think that know which things are right and wrong might more important. But in my opinion, as a student, we should know how to become a righteous person in our society.
As is known to all, students have been requiring to learn as much more academic knowledge as they can since they went to school. Unlike adults, it’s significant for them to acquire more useful knowledge, which might help them to embrace more job opportunities in their adult lives. For example, if you want to become a famous writer like JK Rowling, having many creative ideas is not enough which means you ought to learn more about history, major in literature, improve your writing skills which might be truly helpful to your writing career.
But if you have no idea about how to behave in a socially acceptable way, you will never become an adult, let alone a successful man. Many students have no idea how to distinguish right and wrong. Parents and teachers give much priority to those who only study their academic subjects, which are likely to lead to some adverse influence on their children. We would refuse to read the book wrote by JK Rowling if we find that she tries to copy others’ work. Even she wrote some fantastic fiction such as Horry Potter
In conclusion, I would say that students should give top priority to learn how to do the right things, which might be the vital key to study and become a success.
June 12, 2019 at 9:52 pmScore: 68.9
Suggestions for Improvement
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
- Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts.
Problems Highlight
Education is viewed [Passive]as one of the most vital things about students’ and social development. Many people have strong arguments that professional studies should put into primate while others think that know [grammatical error]which things are right and wrong might more important[Over-used word].[Verbose] But in my opinion, as a student, we should know how to become a righteous person in our society.
As is known [Passive]to all, students have been requiring [grammatical error]to learn as much more academic knowledge as they can since they went to school. Unlike adults, it’s significant for them to acquire more useful knowledge, which might help them to embrace more job opportunities in their adult lives.[Verbose] For example, if you want to become a famous writer like JK Rowling, having many creative ideas is not enough which means you ought to learn more about history, major in literature, improve your writing skills which might be truly[problematic/unnecessary adverb] helpful to your writing career.[Verbose]
But if you have no idea about how to behave in a socially acceptable way, you will never become an adult, let alone a successful man. Many students have no idea how to distinguish right and wrong. Parents and teachers give much priority to those who only study their academic subjects, which are likely to lead to some adverse influence on their children. [Verbose] We would refuse to read the book wrote by JK Rowling if we find that she tries to copy others’ work. Even she wrote some fantastic fiction such as Horry Potter[puctuation error]
In conclusion, I would say that students should give top priority to learn how to do the right things, which might be the vital key to study and become a success.[Verbose]
Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay.
September 9, 2019 at 1:14 amScore: 68.9
Most sentences exceed 20 words, so please split or shorten these sentences. Additionally, there is a large number of passive sentences, so convert them into their active counterparts.
I will send you screenshots to illustrate errors/problems in relation to your essay.
Regards,
Lin Qiu
September 9, 2019 at 3:44 pmEducation is as one of the most vital things about students’ and social development. Many people have strong arguments that professional studies should put into primate while others think that young people should learn how to become a good man primarily. But in my opinion, as a student, we should know how to become a righteous person in our society.
As is known to all, students have been required to learn as much more academic knowledge as they can since they went to school. Unlike adults, it’s significant for them to acquire more useful knowledge, which might help them to embrace more job opportunities. For example, if you want to become a famous writer like J K Rowling, having many creative ideas is not enough. you ought to learn more about history, improve your writing skills at the same time.
But if you have no idea about how to behave in a socially acceptable way, you will never become an adult, let alone a successful man. Many students have no idea how to distinguish right and wrong. Parents and teachers give much priority to excellent students who only good at their academic subjects. This phenomenon is likely to lead to some adverse influence on children’s mental health. We would refuse to read the book wrote by J K Rowling if we find that she tries to copy others’ work,even she wrote some fantastic fiction such as Harry Potter.
In conclusion, I would say that learn how to do the right things is the most important things in the world, which might be the vital key to success.
September 9, 2019 at 7:16 pmScore: 69.7
I will get back to you with the final revision shortly.
Regards,
Lin Qiu
September 10, 2019 at 1:57 amFinal Revision
