Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Others say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects.

TOEFL, IELTS, Application Essay Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Topics Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Others say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects.

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    Noora
    University: 安徽财经大学
    Nationality: 中国
    June 12, 2019 at 6:06 am

    The old man is reflecting the right and wrong things he did in life.

    Essay topic: Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Others say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects.

    Education is viewed as one of the most vital things about students’ and social development. Many people have strong arguments that professional studies should put into primate while others think that know which things are right and wrong might more important. But in my opinion, as a student, we should know how to become a righteous person in our society.

    As is known to all, students have been requiring to learn as much more academic knowledge as they can since they went to school. Unlike adults, it’s significant for them to acquire more useful knowledge, which might help them to embrace more job opportunities in their adult lives. For example, if you want to become a famous writer like JK Rowling, having many creative ideas is not enough which means you ought to learn more about history, major in literature, improve your writing skills which might be truly helpful to your writing career.

    But if you have no idea about how to behave in a socially acceptable way, you will never become an adult, let alone a successful man. Many students have no idea how to distinguish right and wrong. Parents and teachers give much priority to those who only study their academic subjects, which are likely to lead to some adverse influence on their children. We would refuse to read the book wrote by JK Rowling if we find that she tries to copy others’ work. Even she wrote some fantastic fiction such as Horry Potter

    In conclusion, I would say that students should give top priority to learn how to do the right things, which might be the vital key to study and become a success.

     
    • This topic was modified 2 weeks ago by linqiu linqiu.
    • This topic was modified 2 weeks ago by linqiu linqiu.
    • This topic was modified 2 weeks ago by linqiu linqiu.
    linqiu
    June 12, 2019 at 9:52 pm

    Score: 68.9

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts.

    Problems Highlight

    Education is viewed [Passive]as one of the most vital things about students’ and social development. Many people have strong arguments that professional studies should put into primate while others think that know [grammatical error]which things are right and wrong might more important[Over-used word].[Verbose] But in my opinion, as a student, we should know how to become a righteous person in our society.

    As is known [Passive]to all, students have been requiring [grammatical error]to learn as much more academic knowledge as they can since they went to school. Unlike adults, it’s significant for them to acquire more useful knowledge, which might help them to embrace more job opportunities in their adult lives.[Verbose] For example, if you want to become a famous writer like JK Rowling, having many creative ideas is not enough which means you ought to learn more about history, major in literature, improve your writing skills which might be truly[problematic/unnecessary adverb] helpful to your writing career.[Verbose]

    But if you have no idea about how to behave in a socially acceptable way, you will never become an adult, let alone a successful man. Many students have no idea how to distinguish right and wrong. Parents and teachers give much priority to those who only study their academic subjects, which are likely to lead to some adverse influence on their children. [Verbose] We would refuse to read the book wrote by JK Rowling if we find that she tries to copy others’ work. Even she wrote some fantastic fiction such as Horry Potter[puctuation error]

    In conclusion, I would say that students should give top priority to learn how to do the right things, which might be the vital key to study and become a success.[Verbose]

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay.