Technology has made the world a great place to live in.

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  • JYY
    University: okayama university
    Nationality: China
    December 21, 2020 at 8:54 am

    Technology has made the world a great place to live in.

    Whether our life has greatly altered by technology has aroused a serious debate. some people hold the opinion that technology has made the world become worse due to the increasing online violence and worsening environment. Contrary to these opinions, my personal perspective is that technology has made our life become better which comes with these reasons.

    What should be prioritized is that technology has made our life become increasingly convenient.

    To be more specific, it is the development of internet that largely increases efficiency, reducing unnecessary time. People could easily purchase things from internet by just clicking the mouse instead of spending time in shopping malls, thus purchasing time could be largely saved.

    According to a recent survey by New York times, the number of Chinese people who has the habit of on-line purchase has occupied nearly 67% of the whole population, besides, 91% of them claimed that purchasing things on internet could largely save them endless time and effort.

    What’s more, never should we ignore the advantages brought about by advanced transportation system. To be more specific, with the advancement of traffic system, our choices on travelling has become diversified. Compared with the past times where only few transportations could be chosen, nowadays people are no longer constrained by the same problems since there are different ways of transportation means which could satisfy various needs.

    Finally, it is the advanced technology that could promote friendship. In details,  Instead of reaching for further places, people could make conversation merely through mobile phone or lap top. take my personal experience for instance, it is more convenient to make a video chat with my family once a week through we-chat application, a social chinese application. Through the video chat, we could understand each other’s facial expressions and emotions directly, reducing the worries towards each other.

    At last, not only our life could become convenient and efficient brought by the advancement of internet and transportation system, but also our friendship could be enhanced as well.

    Therefore, technology has made our life become a place to survive.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 10, 2021 at 3:27 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    JYY
    University: okayama university
    Nationality: China
    January 10, 2021 at 7:16 am

     

    Do you agree or disagree: technology has made the world a great place to live in.

     

    Whether our life has greatly altered by technology has aroused an intense debate. Some people hold that technology has made the world worse due to the increased online violence and worsening environment. However, my perspective is that technology has made our life better, which comes with these reasons below.

    First of all, technology has brought numerous conveniences on our ways of shopping. To be more specific, it is the development of the internet that significantly contributes to the reduced time. Without directly going to shopping malls, people now could easily purchase things from the internet.

    According to a recent survey conducted by China Daily newspaper, among 2000 people who were interviewed, over 90% of them admitted that they had purchased things from the internet, moreover, nearly 42% of them claimed that they had seldom purchased things from brick and mortar store.

    What’s more, the development of technology has led to more convenience in traveling. To be more specific, the more advanced transportation system is, the more diverse our choices has altered into. For instance, if the flight from Tokyo to Osaka has been canceled due to the bad weather, one could also take the express train to reach destination.

    Finally, it is the advanced technology that could promote working efficiency. In details, instead of attending the meeting in person, people could easily make communications through electronic communication tools. Take my personal experience for instance, it wasn’t until the appearance of video conference such as ZOOM, We-chat, we could now easily conduct a group discussion on-line. These on-line meeting software reduces our troubles of finding an appropriate meeting place every time, as a result, increasingly enhances our proficiency.

    Finally, the development of technology has not only brought about numerous convenience on our shopping behavior as well as traveling, but also promotes working productivity as well.

    Therefore, it is no doubt to say that technology has made our life become a better place to survive.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 3 days ago by JYY. Reason: revise the original one
    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 15, 2021 at 8:38 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.