Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed.

  • HollyRwan
    University: Zhejiang University
    Nationality: China
    July 8, 2019 at 9:34 am

    Kids are watching TV

    Essay Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Though with the developing population of Internet advertising, television advertising still plays an important role. It may appeal to a certain audience and affect people’s choice. When the products are specialized for young children, situation is different. Because young children cannot make choice and it is the parents who decide to choose the product or not. So, should television advertising directed towards these young children be allowed?  My answer is Yes. We need television advertising.

    It is known to us that in a market, better products can be proved with time. Because the preference from consumers will accumulate slowly, which plays a role as the advertisement. The drawback of this pattern is that it takes long time and the market cannot remove bad products timely because it also needs time to prove. However, advertising accelerate the process. People tend to choose products with advertisement because advertisement needs money. The more money the advertisement costs, the richer the company is. We know that company’s wealth can only be accumulated by selling products, which is the prove for the quality. In a word, advertising means that the company’s products are more reliable. Therefore, television advertising saves time for market choice and without advertising, it were more risky for parents to choose products for young children.  Besides, though there is no deny that parents always make choice for young children, some elements like bright color can also draw young children’s attention. Hence, young children can also make their own decision based on their preference and television advertising is an important route. Different from parents, young children may focus more on the package rather than the product. But it does not matter too much.

    In fact, I cannot come up with any reasons that television advertising directed towards young children should not be allowed. Young children are also consumers and can make decision–though with the help of their parents. Television advertising is a healthy market activity, no matter who are their products’ target consumers.

    July 9, 2019 at 3:21 am

    Score: 60.8

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Restrict each paragraph to 85 words.

    Problems Highlight

    Though with the developing population of Internet advertising, television advertising still plays an important role. [Verbose]It may appeal to a certain audience and affect people’s choice. When the products are specialized [Passive]for young children, [article error]situation is different. Because young children cannot make [article error]choice and it is the parents who decide to choose the product or not. So, should television advertising directed towards these young children be allowed[Passive]? My answer is Yes. We need television advertising.

    It is known [Passive]to us that in a market, better products can be proved [Passive]with time. Because the preference from consumers will accumulate slowly, which plays a role as [wrong word]the advertisement. The drawback of this pattern is that it takes [article error]long time [punctuation error]and the market cannot remove bad products timely because it also needs time to prove. However, advertising accelerate [Grammatical error]the process. People tend to choose products with [article error]advertisement because advertisement needs money. The more money the advertisement costs, the richer the company is. We know that [article error]company’s wealth can only be accumulated by [Passive]selling products, which is the prove [wrong word]for the quality. In a word, advertising means that the company’s products are more reliable. Therefore, television advertising saves time for market choice [punctuation error]and without advertising, it were[grammatical error] more risky for parents to choose products for young children.[Verbose] Besides, though there is no deny [word error]that parents always make [article error]choice for young children, some elements like bright color can also draw young children’s attention.[Verbose] Hence, young children can also make their own decision based on their preference and television advertising is an important route. [Verbose]Different from parents, young children may focus more on the package rather than the product. But it does not matter too much.

    In fact, I cannot come up with any reasons that television advertising directed towards young children should not be allowed. [Passive]Young children are also consumers and can make[article error] decision–though with the help of their parents. Television advertising is a healthy market activity, no matter who are their[unclear pronoun] products’ target consumers.

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

    HollyRwan
    University: Zhejiang University
    Nationality: China
    July 12, 2019 at 11:16 am

    Television advertising plays an important role in our daily life. It may take effect to appeal to a certain audience and affect people’s choice. Nevertheless, when the products are specialized for young children, the situation is different. Young children cannot make the choice and it is the parents who decide to choose the product or not. So, should we allow television advertising directed towards these young children? My answer is Yes. We need television advertising.

    It is known to us that in a market, time will help prove the quality of products and decide which one is the better. Because the preference from consumers will accumulate slowly, which plays the same role as the advertisement. The drawback of this pattern is that it takes a long time, and the market cannot remove bad products timely because it also needs time to prove. However, advertising accelerates the process. People tend to choose products with the advertisement because advertisement needs money. The more money the advertisement costs, the richer the company is. We know that a company’s wealth can only accumulate by selling products, which is the prove for the quality. In a word, advertising means that the company’s products are more reliable. Therefore, television advertising saves time for market choice. Without advertising, it were more risky for parents to choose products for young children. Besides, though parents always make the choice for young children, some elements can also draw young children’s attention. Hence, young children can also make their own decision based on their preference. In this case, television advertising is an important route. Different from parents, young children may focus more on the package rather than the product. But it does not matter too much.

    In fact, I cannot come up with any reasons that television advertising directed towards young children should not be allowed. Young children are also consumers and can make the decision–though with the help of their parents. Television advertising is a healthy market activity, no matter who are the products’ target consumers.