For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.

Score: 72.7 (Great job!)

In modern society, people who relate well to others can receive more attention. As such, it seems that communicative skills give people an edge when they are seeking a future job. However, it doesn’t mean[ that ] this ability can overshadow the indispensable role studying hard plays in [ relation to professional ]success. In other words, it is hardworking[ hard work ] that lays the foundation for [career  ]success.

First, few would deny that studying hard makes people more well-informed. Students [ Diligent students, for instance, seek]have access to a broad range of knowledge in school [, which expands their intellectual boundary.  ]and thus lay a solid foundation. Although no one can guarantee that all knowledge is useful, at least working hard in school equips them with background information. Take my brother for[ as an ] example. He is majoring [majors  ]in the economy [ Economics, and he completed ]and got an internship in a bank last year. Even though [Since  ]he [ had ]worked hard to have a good grasp of the books at school, he could deal with only a few [many challenging  ]problems [at work  ]. How could people who don’t study [ had not studied ]hard handle this internship? Therefore, only with (genuine abilities)[ unclear ] can people have the chance to stand out. [ wordy; restrict this paragraph to 90 words. ]

Besides, those who study [studying  ]hard are more likely to overcome other difficulties.[ helps to develop the quality of perseverance, which is critical to one’s career achievement. ] Studying[repetitions  ] is [ like cracking ]a hard nut to crack and [, which  ]takes countless efforts. But learning how to handle difficulties is like lifting weights: The [, the  ]more we do, the stronger and tougher we become. (None of us ever wish for difficulties because of the hassle, disappointment, and even grief they may bring.)[unclear  ] Fortunately, we can take solace in knowing we have gained enough (coping skills that will help us overcome)[unclear  ]. In this case, studying hard qualifies people for success in a future job.

Granted, the ability to relate well to people makes it easier for people [helps  ]to draw others’ attention. It[ This ability also] helps demonstrate (a true level of competence)[ unclear ]. However, without a sound basis, everything is simply a pie in the sky.[ poor logical connection with the last sentence. ]

In conclusion, hardworking[ hard work ] holds the key to opportunities (and people’s living out their dreams)[ unclear ]. This is the philosophy[  unclear in the English language] for everyone in the [ their ]pursuit of success.