For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Partial revision [ remove all similar errors/problems and resubmit your revised essay.]

In such a highly connected society, (every one of us)[ absolute statement – some people don’t need ] needs to face all kinds of people (every day)[asbolute statement  ] . As the famous [Chinese  ] writer Luxun once stated,’ [punctuation error  ] none of us is a lonely island’. Studying [ Although studying ] hard in school may[ can – be assertive in this context ] arm us with more knowledge, but communication can connect us to a bigger world. Therefore, the latter one[unclear pronoun  ] is more important for success in a future job[incomplete sentence/ more… than….  ] .

First of all, the ability to relate well to people can provide us with many opportunities that studying can’t give us. Suppose that we are hard-workers while[ but ] no one knows what our strengths are. Consequently, it[ unclear pronoun/ in most cases, it + is+ adj sentence structure is verbose; i.e., it is important to make friends – Making friends is important ] will be difficult for us to get a promotion since managers prefer to choose someone that is adequate for the job for sure. On the other hand, we will have more opportunities if we communicate with the manager well and show him our aptitudes. As a result, talking to people well [unclear adverb  ] provides us with more opportunities for success [ to succeed ] than studying hard does.

Secondly, relating well to people can largely enhance our working efficiency (when we are assigned some group work)[ verbose – use 3-4 words to rewrite ] . Talking to others what our idea is[verbose  ] (makes it possible for)[verbose  ] others to find our problem. What’s more, after hearing others’ opinions, we can polish our plan or [wrong word  ] work better. It follows, then a better outcome and success in the job[ unclear ] . Last month, I participated in a robot game. I was plagued by [passive  ] the operation of my robot’s motor for a long time. After searching in the library for a whole Saturday, I came home with no progress. Accidentally, I met my senior[wrong word  ] schoolmate who had done well in the robot game before. Only a twenty-minute discussion [logically incomplete  ] solve[grammatical error  ] my puzzle. The importance of the ability to relate can’t be emphasized more in this case.

(The good )[ article/redundancy issue ] competence to talk to people also gives us a positive mind, which is also essential for a good job[verbose  ] . Chatting with others helps us relieve the gloom in our minds sometimes[misplaced word  ] . When we are down, working hard won’t refresh us. Instead, a great discussion can let others know about our problem (and console us)[confusion  ] . They may talk a funny joke to us to cheer us[missing a word here  ] . Finally, we will cheer up again and continue to work hard, which guarantee[ grammatical error ] the work efficiency at the same time. So the ability to communicate with others is critical to success in a job.

In conclusion, the ability to relate well to people[repetition  ] is more essential because it [unclear pronoun  ] can provide us with many opportunities, give impetus to working efficiency, and keep us positive.