A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms.

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  • Soojoo
    University: Dalian Univerity of Technology
    Nationality: Chinese
    September 30, 2020 at 1:34 pm

    A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms.

    While it seems plausible, at first glance, that the people who sleep for fewer hours would bring more profit to the firms. The argument, full of holes and untested assumptions, is so unntenable that it is not strong enough to support the final conclusion.

    There is an assumption in the argument that shorter sleep time per night is the only reason that leads to the higher profit margins and faster growth. However, this assumption, might not be the case. Since we know that young people’s lifestyle is largely different from the old’s, and the young people are definately more energetic than the latter, it is possible that all the people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night are young men. In this way ,we can readily understand why the people sleep less are more beneficial to the firm. The main reasons may lie in their creativity and energy rather than sleep time. So unless make clear that the less sleep time is the only explanation for higher profit margins and faster growth ,it can not be used effectively to support the author’s argument.

    Another assumption which underlines the author’s thinking is that higher profit margins and faster growth can necessarily make the firms prosper,this assumption,however,is also groundless.I have to admit that it is possible for a firm to rely mostly on these two factors ,but it is also likely that more cost of the operation in the firm is paid in change with the higher profit margins and faster growth,it is also a decisive factor for the prosper. The author might have to conduct a survey to ensure if the higher profit margins and faster growth brought can conteract the higher cost at the same time in order to make the argument more persuasive.

    As for application of this policy, the author suggests that the transplant to other field is not problematic. Considering similar career that needs more time to devote to the work and has few requirment of the precision, it might prove correct,but what if apply it to more serious vocation such as doctors?The precise nature of this job makes it impossible to deminish the hours of sleep to ean more profit as it is important to do a diognose and treatment without any errors.Without knowing this,the ratiocination would still remain unconvincing.

    In conclusion,all these assumptions mentioned above would contribute to the effectiveness and reliability of the argument. In other word, if we got to make clear all the assumption ablve, the conclusion would turn out to be less ambiguous.

    September 30, 2020 at 3:39 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.